I don't know why but that statement makes my jaw clench up everytime I hear it.
I had a patient the other day ask me how I was going to insert a foley since "the head is down there, wont that hurt the baby?" For the love god, people .... come on .. 2 HOLES! SERIOUSLY!
and my favorite of all time ...
"Does that machine beep everytime I dilate?" .. this one left me speechless
Please share your "omg, no she didn't say/ask that" quotes
Specializes in ICU, PICC Nurse, Nursing Supervisor.
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I work nights and I hear this one from time to time. Mostly from primips that are high society types after I explain a plan of care.
"What does Doctor xx think of that?"
I always want to say "Well Doctor xx is at home sleeping and probably isn't thinking about it at all" Of course I'm good and say "Doctor xx gave me orders to do this"
Others that crack me up are
When they walk up to the desk and say, "my doctor is meeting me here to check my cervix" - Cool that makes my job easy, I'll just call and wake her up at 3 am to let her know she needs to come in.
*Smiling ear to ear* "Hi I'm in labor". -Wow you must have incredible pain tolerance. This wouldn't happen to be your first baby would it?
"Can I have a pillow for each of my 15 family members that are spending the night for my prostin induction?" -yes, they are all set out on their beds at home
"Can you take a picture of us right when the baby comes out?" -Sure, I've got all the time in the world right in the middle of a delivery.
"How long have you been doing this?" -Well lets see, what time is it?
"I don't want a dry birth" -Trust me none of them are ever "dry"
"Is the IV going to hurt?" No not at all, oh wait you mean hurt you? Well yeah but don't worry I won't feel a thing.
"What if I poop when I'm pushing?" - well it's going to smell kinda bad.
"When does the doctor get here?" -hopefully before your baby comes out but hell who knows?
None of these really make me mad it's just funny how many times you hear the same things from patients.
Thanks Z. Ok, another dumb question -what is wrong with C-sections (well, I mean beside the obvious increase in risk for infections and other surgical-based complications) ? I can recall when some OBs would actually recommend their patients get C-sects. -though my wife had all hers the normal (natures') way -Have no children myself (always wanted, but it seems I cannot). Anyway, just curious here.
OB Doc on checking a footling breech told me, "it,s nothing but a big ole turd--call me when she is presenting", walked out, attempted vag delivery about 6 hrs later and ended up doing a section 2 hours after that. It was twin boys and they made it. An angel watched over us.
On a busy day on our unit one of my fellow nurses answered a phone call. I saw her on the verge of laughing hysterectly & she motioned for me to take the call. When I answered the phone I said "can I help you?" In a totally serious voice, this young man asked if it was OK for a pregnant woman to sleep on a water bed.( I'm not kidding) He said they were thinking of getting a water bed & his wife was pregnant, he wanted to make sure the bed wouldn't hurt the baby. After I told him water beds were safe for pregnant women, I hung up the phone & laughed til I cried! Where do people come up with these questions?
I love it when you go into a patient's room to start an IV or some other procedure, and the patient's family asks, "do you know what you are doing?" I am so tempted to say, "well sort of, you see they were short staffed tonight, so they just yanked me off of the street corner - hey I clean-up pretty nicely don't I? I love the scrubs!". Or, my personal fave "No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night!". Geeezzz :rotfl:
I tend to be a smart ass when I am comfortable with a patient so I can make them laugh. I think this last one is a keeper because I get asked this a lot.
This rant is from the patients point of view: (mine )
Patient..... tired & in R.E.M sleep @ approximately 1400hrs , Nurse vigoursly shakes the patient & calls name several times to awaken, then asks...."Do you need a sleeping pill?"
:angryfire W.T.F.???
Reply,
As a nurse to a pt..... if you were sleeping soundly & the nurse vigoursly shakes you awake at 1400 hours, she would not ask you if you need a sleeping pill because 1400 hours is 2 PM in the afternoon
As a nurse to a pt..... if you were sleeping soundly & the nurse vigoursly shakes you awake at 1400 hours, she would not ask you if you need a sleeping pill because 1400 hours is 2 PM in the afternoon
14oo, huh? Proof positive of what those of us on night-shift have ALWAYS suspected. Daytimers let their patients sleep! THAT is why they are up all night! :)
Thanks Z. Ok, another dumb question -what is wrong with C-sections (well, I mean beside the obvious increase in risk for infections and other surgical-based complications) ? I can recall when some OBs would actually recommend their patients get C-sects. -though my wife had all hers the normal (natures') way -Have no children myself (always wanted, but it seems I cannot). Anyway, just curious here.
there is an increased chance of respiratory problems for the infant because the aminotic fluid in the lungs isn't squeezed out as in lady partsl delivery, the recovery time for mom is longer and increases the chance for future c-sections-there are likely more reasons, I'm lightyears away from being an expert, but if it's needed to produce a positive outcome, that's all that matters-
But the thing with "take the baby" is just the phrase-the way it's said, it's hard to explain-it's just squicky. It's like shaking your fist ala Scarlett O' Hara and saying "As god is my witness, I'll never be hungry again" because it's lunchtime and your hungry; I don't know...
I always get a kick out of the "I'm afraid of IV's" from the girl with the eyebrow piercing and the stud through her tongue, covered with large tattoos! My usual reply is "Oh no - you don't get to complain about one poke in your arm when you let people punch holes in your face!"
L and D was slammed, so the OR staff was doing the C-sections today. One particular 18 year old, laying on the table, awaiting her prep just kept talking about the clothes, socks, the "cute little outfits", the stroller, the nursery, how much fun a baby is to "play" with, how her friends volunteered to babysit and couldn't wait to, etc. Everything was "cute".
Sounded like she was describing a doll.:stone
This is one reason why maternity didn't appeal to me.
)
txspadequeenRN, BSN, RN
4,373 Posts
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