What if I'm the Bully?

[SafetyNurse1968, ADN, BSN, MSN, PhD]

Thank you so much for your comment. As a patient safety specialist, I absolutely see your point, and I believe the error lies with my abbreviated description of the interaction I had with "Katie". As a new writer, I so appreciate the feedback about what is needed to flesh out the story and make it real for you. I was writing this article with the goal of discussing bullying, and not with the goal of discussing medication error prevention. I do have several articles about that topic on my website, but they haven't been published here. All of the recommendations you made about educating the new nurse are spot on. I will stick with how I apologized. I wasn't apologizing for speaking up about the error, but for HOW I spoke up about the error. Does that make sense? Again, thank you so much for reading.

[SafetyNurse1968, ADN, BSN, MSN, PhD]

It sounds like we have a lot in common. It was tough to write so honestly - I would love to be a different, nicer person. I hope my reply to the first comment clarifies the purpose of the article. I intended to speak about bullying and not about patient safety. Speaking to the night shift nurse about what she did was appropriate - HOW I spoke to her was inappropriate. Thanks for taking the time to comment and for your support.

[SafetyNurse1968, ADN, BSN, MSN, PhD]

I hear you - and thank you for your comment. I too remember times when I was corrected after making a mistake. I wouldn't be the nurse I am today if it weren't for my "nurse moms" who "raised me up right". I hope I was never like that "one" nurse, and hate that you were treated that way. Do you think knowing what you now know, you would have done anything differently with her? I hope with the resources and information about bullying available, that more nurses will speak up and get help instead of resigning or leaving the profession.

[SafetyNurse1968, ADN, BSN, MSN, PhD]

I agree as well - the point I was trying to make in my article isn't that we shouldn't speak up when error occurs. Speaking up when error occurs is paramount to improving patient safety. What I am concerned about is the way in which I spoke up. I would have liked to have been less emotional and more kind in the way I educated the new nurse. She did not make the mistake on purpose...to err is human, to forgive divine, yes?

[SafetyNurse1968, ADN, BSN, MSN, PhD]

What a kind, supportive comment - I so appreciate it! I need to carry around a jar of honey to remind myself to be kind. Somehow knowing a thing is true and putting it into action are very different for me.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

Apologies combined with self reflection and an obvious desire to do better goes a LONG, LONG way.

I do bristle at the idea that childhood trauma means those of us on the receiving end need to be "understanding". I am not sure that is really what you meant to say? Many have a history of childhood trauma and their own fight-or-flight is triggered by someone who is aggressive, terse, ugly, etc. Who gets the consideration? Just something to ponder.

I applaud anyone who is brave enough to admit this is something they struggle with. That is the first step. I hope it continues to take priority and to get better. Our profession needs a healthier environment to raise up our young and to support one another. The work we do is brutal enough without us taking it out on one another.

[bluebonnetrn, BSN, RN]

I think that your article is good and a fantastic launching point to discuss some topics that the constant discussion of bullying has avoided or missed.

I agree with others here that the specific example you described is not bullying. Since you didn't really provide any other examples it's difficult to say whether or not you have displayed a pattern of bullying. But let's stick with this specific example. You let her know that she made a mistake and you allowed your emotions about it to show. How is that bullying? Yes, we shouldn't let our emotions dictate all of our behavior or become out of control. But like some have said, you are human like the rest of us and allowed to have emotions and even show them.

I would like to see research regarding MB personality types and perceptions of being a bully and being bullied. I have a hunch that certain personality types are labeled bullies more often than others and certain personality types claim they are bullied more often than others.

So why isn't part of the conversation related to how different personality types communicate, handle stress and receive communications??

I think all of us can bend a little in how we react and also how we respond. I am not advocating unhinged behaviors and overreactions. I am just saying that we are all humans who don't always do things perfectly every single time. We can accept correction and correct others and still give each other (that means both sides) the benefit of the doubt.

That being said, someone who cannot handle correction or even the displayed exasperation of another human being is probably the one who is less suited to nursing than the one who can communicate facts directly. I don't think a person is well suited to be a nurse if any and all of their communication is mush and gush and apologies. I also don't think someone is suited to be a nurse if all of their communication displays aggression and stress and condescension. But there is a whole lot of leeway in between these two extremes.

I think that communication competencies go both ways.

Incidentally this example comes to mind – I am currently being bullied in my workplace by someone who always speaks with a smile and in a very cheerful happy voice. How is she bullying me? She is undermining my authority and work ethic by telling lies and half-truths to my colleagues. She gossips and sabotages as a rule rather than an exception. And yet, she has many fooled simply because her outward behavior and attitude is happy and "sweet". There could not be a more insidious type of bully.

I use that example to make the point that the actual communication style is not necessarily indicative of the intent and the effect.

[Nursiepoo01]

What a great article! Definitely from a perspective not often talked about! I know I've struggled as well with the facial expressions or the talking later about how certain employees make my job harder. It has been something I have struggled with for years and have also been aware and working on it. I don't know if it will ever leave me, but I do know that I can control my tongue and my eye rolls! I have strong faith and use those verses to remind me...I try and remember the "why's" of peoples actions now, where as before, I would think they were doing it just out of laziness or stupidity! Everyone has a story, I want mine to be one of true compassion and good leadership and to obtain that, I will work on this till my last breath and hope I don't do an eye roll as I depart! (smilie)

[Nursiepoo01]

There is a good book out I read when our children were young, it is by Cynthia Tobias and it's called "The way they learn." This really helped me understand how people take in information differently as well as exhibit behaviors. I really thought our 2 young children were just trying to piss me off most of the time! haha...actually, they are just wired different than I am! GO FIGURE! I use these tools all the time when dealing with people...although I still fail to always answer in a positive manner, I do understand people's actions/reactions better. I am a better employer as I understand my employees have different learning styles and produce work differently. Just my 2 cents...

[Knotanoonurse]

I like when someone is a "nurse" but not exactly...something "just like a nurse"... medical assistant, dental assistant, nursing assistant, answers the phone in the billing department at Med Express. I always ask if they are an RN or LPN. If not, I inform them how calling oneself a nurse is illegal in some states! Shuts ‘em up quick.

[LindaGracie, ADN, BSN]

Safety Nurse, I found your article interesting and encouraging. I tend to be the one "bullied" (all my life, I think because I was never taught how to stand up for myself as a child all throughout elementary school-being a twin, preemie, having an apparent learning disability, and having a father who was generally very loving but had a temper problem which resulted in loud verbal outburst of negative criticism followed by a week of being "quiet" and if he had anything to say it was a "put down"). I much later realized he had underlying depression but back in the 60's & 70's mental illness wasn't recognized, treated or talked about like it is today. Needless to say I inherited the depression honestly but handle it much better and take medication for it. However certain skills were not acquired during the developmental years and I have observed that when our brains don't learn the "ideal" social/communication skills needed in our developmental years this is our "thorn in the flesh" we struggle with throughout most of our lives. Nursing is a second career for me. I am grateful for my retirement benefits from my first career as a state employee. However I struggle with feeling inadequate every time I make a mistake even though "to Err is Human". I know that other nurses make medication errors because I have seen it, had patients comment to me indicating other nurses haven't given them "all there medications" (in LTC facility), and family have experienced a medication error. However more experienced nurses tell me they don't make errors, including my sister who worked as an RN in the late 80's to mid 90's, who said she doesn't remember ever making a medication error as an RN. I know from reading research on medication errors there is an increase in medication errors after working 10+ hours and working multiple 12 hr shifts in a role. From what I have experienced and observed emotions tend to emerge as a problem, whether it is incivility or tears, on the 2nd or 3rd consecutive 12 hr shift. I think if we as nurses would be more understanding and nurturing of each other, and less judgmental, this will help prevent nurses from leaving the profession and help ease some of the stress due to staff shortages.

[SafetyNurse1968, ADN, BSN, MSN, PhD]

On 8/11/2019 at 11:40 PM, LindaGracie said:

I think if we as nurses would be more understanding and nurturing of each other, and less judgmental, this will help prevent nurses from leaving the profession and help ease some of the stress due to staff shortages.

LindaGracie, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I hope my article left you feeling supported. I wish you all the best in your quest to prevent error and promote civility. You are not alone - nurses make mistakes every day, though often we aren't even aware of it. The nurse who is willing to admit a mistake is much less likely to make another one, in my humble opinion.