What gets you through?

Through my journey... the hardest thing thus far has been finding a job and handling rejection. Everything else was easy because I wanted my life back. It was all a choice to follow rules and succeed. Each milestone through this made me PROUD. The collection of rejections I have, does not make me proud.

I waited so long, worked so hard to get my license back. I did not think it was going to be easy to get a job, but I did not anticipate how terribly rejection makes me feel. I knew rejection was going to happen and at first my attitude was: "if they don't want to hire me, f them, their loss." Then after my hopes were lifted by feeling as though my phone interview or face to face interview went GREAT, MY SOUL WAS CRUSHED by the rejections that followed. Up until now, I have never been rejected as far as employment goes.

Plenty of times I have wanted to throw in the towel.

Then I remind myself of a few things...

-I AM WORTH IT!! We are ALL WORTH IT!

-There IS someone out there that WILL give me a chance, I simply have to keep moving forward and not give up.

-I worked too hard to get my license in the first place, I have worked harder to get it back and I DESERVE it.

-Sure, things could be better BUT THEY COULD BE WORSE!!

So what helps me when I get to a dark place... I love quotes. I read motivational, inspirational, funny, "any type" of quote I feel like reading at the time. I learned to crochet, it's therapeutic but I can only sit for so long. I learned how to make string art. I paint mason jars. I make gifts for people because "WE RISE BY LIFTING OTHERS." I make jewelry... you get the point... ART is my happy place. I also just bought a journal with writing prompts in it. Sometimes a drive alone, listening to some music helps. Reaching out and helping others helps too.

JUST KEEP SWIMMING!!!

One of the most difficult lessons I've had to learn with all this, is the fine art of surrender. Surrender does not mean you give up, doesn't mean passivity or resignation, nor does it mean that my license, career, or future don't matter to me because they do. What it means is that I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, and have done everything possible, regarding my monitoring program and getting my license back in good shape; and to obsess about doing more or think about it to the exclusion of everything else is counterproductive to my mental health. There comes a time when you have to let things go and not obsess on the outcome.

I've also come to realize that society's definition of success, career, etc does not have to be mine, and in fact it is detrimental. I have to redefine what success really means, for me-not the BON, not the people in the monitoring program-ME. If things don't work out in my attempts to restart my nursing career, am I going to put all my eggs in one basket and allow the BON/monitoring program people/healthcare as a whole determine how I feel about myself? Nope. It just means it didn't work out, and I am not a failure as a human being.

I have determination and my eye on the ball. I've made up my mind that these situations and people are temporary and I'm not letting the occasional snags and bs trip me up. That doesn't mean I don't just plain out get sick of waiting and having my life on hold. It just means I take it one day at a time.

When I need to, I talk with people I trust, and listen to them when they need to do the same. One of the liabilities of the nursing profession as a whole is that we tend to not support each other. I didn't really realize how important it was until I got caught up in substance abuse. How I wished I'd had this forum and the wonderful, wise, caring support networks that everyone here contributes to. Things might have been different.

I have forgiven myself for the mistakes I made that got me here. I have brief times when I look on those events, have brief twinges, let them run their course, and move on to what I can do today.

I have a spiritual path that I've been walking for a number of years now, and a routine I follow daily pertaining to that. I meet with others regularly that are in the same spiritual group walking a similar path to mine. I also know a lot of people, online and off. I exercise and try to eat a balanced diet.

I remember what it was like as an addict, with the monkey on my back. I am grateful, each and every day, that I don't have to live like that anymore. No matter how disgusted I might get with the monitoring contract, the BON, or people in general, I am grateful.

One of the most difficult lessons I've had to learn with all this, is the fine art of surrender. Surrender does not mean you give up, doesn't mean passivity or resignation, nor does it mean that my license, career, or future don't matter to me because they do. What it means is that I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, and have done everything possible, regarding my monitoring program and getting my license back in good shape; and to obsess about doing more or think about it to the exclusion of everything else is counterproductive to my mental health. There comes a time when you have to let things go and not obsess on the outcome.

I've also come to realize that society's definition of success, career, etc does not have to be mine, and in fact it is detrimental. I have to redefine what success really means, for me-not the BON, not the people in the monitoring program-ME. If things don't work out in my attempts to restart my nursing career, am I going to put all my eggs in one basket and allow the BON/monitoring program people/healthcare as a whole determine how I feel about myself? Nope. It just means it didn't work out, and I am not a failure as a human being.

I have determination and my eye on the ball. I've made up my mind that these situations and people are temporary and I'm not letting the occasional snags and bs trip me up. That doesn't mean I don't just plain out get sick of waiting and having my life on hold. It just means I take it one day at a time.

When I need to, I talk with people I trust, and listen to them when they need to do the same. One of the liabilities of the nursing profession as a whole is that we tend to not support each other. I didn't really realize how important it was until I got caught up in substance abuse. How I wished I'd had this forum and the wonderful, wise, caring support networks that everyone here contributes to. Things might have been different.

I have forgiven myself for the mistakes I made that got me here. I have brief times when I look on those events, have brief twinges, let them run their course, and move on to what I can do today.

I have a spiritual path that I've been walking for a number of years now, and a routine I follow daily pertaining to that. I meet with others regularly that are in the same spiritual group walking a similar path to mine. I also know a lot of people, online and off. I exercise and try to eat a balanced diet.

I remember what it was like as an addict, with the monkey on my back. I am grateful, each and every day, that I don't have to live like that anymore. No matter how disgusted I might get with the monitoring contract, the BON, or people in general, I am grateful.

this is beautiful

Through my journey... the hardest thing thus far has been finding a job and handling rejection. Everything else was easy because I wanted my life back. It was all a choice to follow rules and succeed. Each milestone through this made me PROUD. The collection of rejections I have, does not make me proud.

I waited so long, worked so hard to get my license back. I did not think it was going to be easy to get a job, but I did not anticipate how terribly rejection makes me feel. I knew rejection was going to happen and at first my attitude was: "if they don't want to hire me, f them, their loss." Then after my hopes were lifted by feeling as though my phone interview or face to face interview went GREAT, MY SOUL WAS CRUSHED by the rejections that followed. Up until now, I have never been rejected as far as employment goes.

Plenty of times I have wanted to throw in the towel.

Then I remind myself of a few things...

-I AM WORTH IT!! We are ALL WORTH IT!

-There IS someone out there that WILL give me a chance, I simply have to keep moving forward and not give up.

-I worked too hard to get my license in the first place, I have worked harder to get it back and I DESERVE it.

-Sure, things could be better BUT THEY COULD BE WORSE!!

So what helps me when I get to a dark place... I love quotes. I read motivational, inspirational, funny, "any type" of quote I feel like reading at the time. I learned to crochet, it's therapeutic but I can only sit for so long. I learned how to make string art. I paint mason jars. I make gifts for people because "WE RISE BY LIFTING OTHERS." I make jewelry... you get the point... ART is my happy place. I also just bought a journal with writing prompts in it. Sometimes a drive alone, listening to some music helps. Reaching out and helping others helps too.

JUST KEEP SWIMMING!!!

Heya! Finding a job is hard and when I was getting bogged down by rejection my sponsor said "we are not trying to find you a job, we are working on your fear of rejection". Turning my thoughts to working on that goal helped in some odd way. It turned me from beating my head against a wall trying to find a job to "oh I just have to learn how to take rejection well". It lightened my load.

What gets me through? Hmmmm...

Kickboxing? (beating the hell out of something.)

Racquetball (slamming a rubber ball against a wall.)

Not really, i am kidding. I'm too old, fat and out of shape to be doing those things, but the thought is entertaining.

Truthfully, it's all i can do to not cry some days. Even two and a half years into this, i don't understand it. i don't understand the torture, the requirements that involve forced socialization with people I have nothing in common with (I'm rather introverted, kinda of socially awkward and don't like crowds or strangers), the expenditure of money I don't have, and so forth. None of it makes sense and I am told "put it behind you." I would love that but this program makes dang sure that that is impossible.

Chocolate. Chocolate helps. Does that count?

Absolutely!

Chocolate WORKS :)

I got myself heavily involved with new activities. When I first got caught and subsequently got some good ol' addiction and mental health help the thought of picking up ANYTHING from my "old life" seemed intolerable. My use followed a deeply traumatizing event and that had something to do with not tolerating my old life also. It made me incredibly sad to not feel like who I was before.

So I invested in a brand new life with brand new interests when I found old interests- reading, writing, camping, fishing, nursing- incredibly painful. I learned to play two instruments, learned to rock climb, began a job in public health, and learned to love hiking.

It was healing not trying to force myself to "get better, get my life back" instead I just "grew". Two and a half years later I've even picked up some of my old interests- nursing, writing. If I don't do all of them again it'll be alright, I like my things now.