17 week gestation

[Stephanie in FL]

I am an RN, but not in OB. I am in FL and a friend in AL called me today with terrible news. His wife's water broke Wed night. This is (was) 17 weeks gestation for the fetus. He said that labor was being induced today since there is no amniotic sac. Can someone tell me a little more about what she is going through so I can know how to emotionally support my friend? Is this considered a miscarriage or stillbirth? Do the parents usually see the baby after delivery? Do the parents have to determing whether they want burial or cremation? Thanks in advance for the answers to these terrible questions. I am feeling so bad for my friend and his wife. What an awful situation for them. Please keep them in your prayers. Thanks again!

Stephanie RN

[pink2blue1]

Hey Stephanie, not an RN, I'm a nursing student, but I have suffered through 6 miscarriages (Earlier than 17 weeks though) It is my understanding that technically if it's less than 20 weeks or less than if they would be able to save the baby if it were born early, I guess what they consider viability, then it is considered a miscarriage.

What not to say are things like it was Gods will or natures way...at least you know you can get pregnant, there had to be a reason etc.

DO be supportive, listen to your friend. A simple I'm sorry for your loss works fine. Don't act like you need to avoid her. Take her lead. If she wants to talk, listen, if she doesn't, just be there. Let her know that.

So sorry to hear of this loss.

[gypsyatheart]

Nothing really more to add, just really want to express how sorry I am for your friends. It is such a loss, as a mom who has sufferred two, it is so sad, and the hard part is when friends/family avoid you. Out of awkardness, I'm sure. Just be willing to listen and talk about it...down the road, you know....

[Burnt Out, ASN, RN]

I'm so sorry about your friends' loss. Losing a child at any age is devastating.

I don't have much more to add. I do know that in Alabama, the parents have the right to bury their baby, no matter how far along he/she is and they may also transport their baby to the funeral home if they wish (I didn't know this at the time of my son's death-don't think I could have done it anyway).

I am going to copy and paste the list of books I have read that I found helpful since my son died. I have several more I haven't had a chance to read yet. It may be awhile before your friends feel like reading, but anything to let them know what they are feeling is normal is what they will need, along with support.

*Dear Cheyenne by Joanne Cacciatore-Garard

*Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby by Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D.

*Losing Malcolm A Mother's Journey Through Grief by Carol Henderson

*This Little While by Joy and Dr. S.M. Johnson

*Honored Babies Learning to Live With a Broken Heart by Paula Long

*Mommy, Please Don't Cry There are No Tears in Heaven by Linda DeYmaz: Artwork by Laurie Snow Hein

*The Angel with the Golden Glow A family's journey through loss and healing by Elissa Al-Chokhachy: Illustrated by Ulrike Graf

*A Rose in Heaven by Dawn Siegrist Waltman

*When Hello Means Goodbye A Guide For Parents Whose Child Dies Before Birth, At Birth Or Shortly After Birth by Pat Schwiebert, RN and Paul Kirk, MD

*Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul Stories About Life, Death and Overcoming the Loss of a Loved One by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hanson

*Remembering with Love

Messages of Hope for the First Year of Grieving and Beyond by Elizabeth Levang, Ph.D. and Sherokee Ilse

*Healing Your Grieving Heart 100 Practical Ideas-Compassionate advice and simple activities to help you through your loss by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

Grieving a Pregnancy/Infant Loss-Spiritual/Religious

*When Your Baby Dies Through Miscarriage or Stillbirth by Louis A. Gamino and Ann Taylor Cooney

*Silent Grief Miscarriage-Child Loss, Finding your way through the darkness by Clara Hinton

*An Empty Cradle, A Full Heart Reflections for mothers and fathers after miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death by Christine O'Keeffe Lafser: Foreword by Phyllis Tickle

*Losing You Too Soon Finding Hope after Miscarriage or the Loss of a Baby by Bernadette Keagy

Pregnancy After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Loss

*Trying Again A Guide to Pregnancy After Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss by Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D. with foreword by Deborah Davis, Ph.D.

*Pregnancy after a Loss A Guide to Pregnancy after a Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death by Carol Cirulli Lanham with foreword by Vel D. Crosby, M.D.