Was I wrong to refuse to help?

[flashpoint]

This is sort of long, so please forgive me in advance!

I was recently asked to resign from my job...not fired, but asked to resign. My manager felt that I am "not a good fit for the team" and that I don't have enough caring or compassion to make a good nurse. She said that clinically, I am outstanding, but that I am "really just not a nice person" and that I was "dragging down the entire team." This was the first I had heard about any of this. I have probably had 15 phone calls from coworkers askign what happened and expressing how surprised they were when they heard...they could be sincere or just trying to say something to make me feel better...I don't know.

To get to the point of my post...I am good at interpreting EKG strips...not an expert by any means, but I know what I am doing...and I have a lot of practice. More often than not when I was working, doing the interpretation on EKG strips was one of my assignments. This morning at about 0200, the ambulance brought a patient to the ER (I am a volunteer paramedic). As we were finishing paperwork, one of the nurses from the floor brought a strip to the ER and aksed me what I thought...this was a nurse that I have a bit of a history with...we had a personality conflict from day one. More than once when I was working she would argue with me about what the EKG strips were showing...most of the time I was right and she was wrong (at least according to the doctor). Anyway, I have a lot of resentment about my termination and I really have no desire to help any of the nurses who work there...especially her. The strip looked pretty benign to me, so I told her that I thought she should either consult another RN or call her nurse manager at home if she had any doubts. I added that I do not work there any more and that I will nto do her work for her. If I had seen anything on the strip that looked even a little abnormal, I would have told her...no matter how much I don't like her, I wouldn't put a patient in jeopardy because I am still on a pity potty. She called me a lazy f****** b**** and told me she was going to report me to my EMS captain....I gave her the captain's name and phone number.

My former nurse manger called me this morning and wanted to know why I refused to help. She said that if something would have gone wrong with the patient that I could have been held partially responsible. I told her that I don't work for her any more and that any problems need to be addressed with one of my superior officers. I also said that if I saw anything wrong on the strip I would have said so.

I know it really would have been better for me to just work the strip for her...I know that I still need to get along with the people at the hospital since our rescue service takes so many patients there. But...I also know that she wouldn't have even thought of asking one of the other medics to interpret the strip...she thinks paramedics are just well trained monkeys...she has said so more than once.

When I worked there, I had frequent conflicts about my role when I was there with EMS. Personally, I felt that if I was with EMS, I was only with EMS...I shouldn't have been asked to do anything that other EMTs were not asked to do. I was often asked to stay for a few hours to help the floor get caught up, clean to clean rooms in the ER, go to central supply and get things they were out of, put orders in the computer, page doctors, etc...it got to be pretty frustrating. I was told in no uncertain terms that when I was working I was NOT to assist EMS with "EMS things" like cleaning their backboards, getting equipment for them to restock their ambulance, or helping them when they were confused on the new computer charting system.

So...my rescue captain told me not to worry about it and is going to talk to the hospital to make sure the nurses no longer expect the things from me that they expected when I was staff. She is also going to make sure that management is aware that if they have a problem with me that they take it to her or the chief and not to take it directly to me.

I finally got over being nervous about going into the hospital for anything...and now this. I am really frustrated about being told that I am not a "good fit" any more, yet being expected to help when they need a second opinion.

I really don't know what the point of this point is...I guess I am just blowing off steam...thaks for reading.

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

I don't think you were wrong to decline to read and give your thought on a rhythm strip, but I think there was a more tactful way to handle it than to say to a former colleague that she should either consult another RN or call her nurse manager at home if she had any doubts. Adding that you do not work there any more and that you were not going to do her work for her was pretty nasty, I think. I can see why you were told that you are "really just not a nice person". You say you are really frustrated about being told that you are not a "good fit" any more. Why don't you do something about that as it is obviously bothering you a great deal? Frustration comes from feeling helpless and incompetent in the way a situation is handled. If you have an employee assistance program with your current employer why don't you make use of their services to help you develop an understanding of your behavior and what you can do to change it? Otherwise, you are going to continue to feel frustrated when these kinds of incidents come up and you are criticized. If there is no employee assistance program some counseling might help you out. It was very brave of you to make the post and disclose the things you did. I truly think you are not very happy with yourself right now and are looking for help.

[LydiaNN]

I don't think you were wrong to decline to read and give your thought on a rhythm strip, but I think there was a more tactful way to handle it than to say to a former colleague that she should either consult another RN or call her nurse manager at home if she had any doubts. Adding that you do not work there any more and that you were not going to do her work for her was pretty nasty, I think. I can see why you were told that you are "really just not a nice person". You say you are really frustrated about being told that you are not a "good fit" any more. Why don't you do something about that as it is obviously bothering you a great deal? Frustration comes from feeling helpless and incompetent in the way a situation is handled. If you have an employee assistance program with your current employer why don't you make use of their services to help you develop an understanding of your behavior and what you can do to change it? Otherwise, you are going to continue to feel frustrated when these kinds of incidents come up and you are criticized. If there is no employee assistance program some counseling might help you out. It was very brave of you to make the post and disclose the things you did. I truly think you are not very happy with yourself right now and are looking for help.

I think suggesting counseling is way out of the bounds of what the OP was asking for our opinions on, and I also think it is entirely inappropriate given the small amount of information she's shared. Maybe what she actually thinks is that, God forbid, the most important quality in a nurse is competence and not the ability to make friends and play nice. Some of the biggest asp kissers where I work are also the least efficient at their job. I know that more than one of my co-workers has called me the b word on more than one occasion, and yet, I consistently get superior evaluations. I don't need someone with excellent social skills to take care of me when I'm sick, I need someone with excellent nursing skills, and not setting that as priority number one is ridiculous. Having a firm grip on reality and telling it like it is are not character flaws that require therapy.

[apaisRN, RN, CRNA]

The most disturbing piece of this to me is the manager. It's unprofessional to tell someone they are "just not a nice person." Your personality has nothing to do with anything. Your specific behavior is what's relevant. And I don't really see how you can be clinically outstanding and be a total disaster as a coworker, or not care about your patients. You can't be effective clinically unless you can work with your team.

And calling you about the EMS thing sounds very manipulative. Like she was trying to dump responsibility on you for something you had no connection to. Do you and she have interpersonal issues? It kind of sounds like that - that for whatever reason she just doesn't like you and is doing weird stuff to get at you. In any case, her boundaries are blurred and I'd hate to work on her floor.

And, of course, getting fired (or asked to leave) without any previous discussion, attempts to help you change, etc is not appropriate. One thing that changed for the better when my old facility unionized was that you needed a paper trail to fire someone, you couldn't just wake up one day and say "I'd like to get rid of XXX today."

[Jolie, BSN]

I don't think you were wrong to decline to read and give your thought on a rhythm strip, but I think there was a more tactful way to handle it than to say to a former colleague that she should either consult another RN or call her nurse manager at home if she had any doubts.

What is "un-tactful" about telling a former colleague that she should consult another RN or call her nurse manager?

[LydiaNN]

What is "un-tactful" about telling a former colleague that she should consult another RN or call her nurse manager?

Exactly. And what has become of any system that has detoriated to the point where being nice is valued more than being competent Scary.

[purplemania, BSN, RN]

It is dangerous to determine significance of EKG's "by committee". Best to let MD make the decision anyway, IMHO.

[boulergirl, CNA]

A couple of the posts here bothered me. I keep thinking, if the OP were a MALE nurse, would they be labeled as "catty" or "pretty nasty", just because they stood up for themselves and didn't take crap from a former co-worker? I could be mistaken, but it seems that (most) men don't get so caught up in all that drama. They let someone know when they're out of line and don't let it upset them if the other person gets their feelings hurt.

[flashpoint]

Probably the reason I got so annoyed with this nurse is because of my history with her. She has a long history and multiple complaints in her file regarding her way of pushing her work onto others. When she was my shift supervisor or charge nurse, I had no choice but to do pretty much whatever she told me to do...I don't work under her anymore and I am not going to do her job for her and it really annoyed me the way she approached me to help her with the strip...she really didn't ask me to help, she told me to help...her tone and mannerisms spoke pretty loud and clear.

[LydiaNN]

A couple of the posts here bothered me. I keep thinking, if the OP were a MALE nurse, would they be labeled as "catty" or "pretty nasty", just because they stood up for themselves and didn't take crap from a former co-worker? I could be mistaken, but it seems that (most) men don't get so caught up in all that drama. They let someone know when they're out of line and don't let it upset them if the other person gets their feelings hurt.

Yes, and I'm willing to wager that such a male wouldn't have been "asked to resign" in the first place.

[boulergirl, CNA]

I thought of another thing. When I was reading about this former coworker the OP is dealing with, it reminded me of a coworker that I have to deal with on occasion. Normally, my coworkers and I know how to compromise and work with each other as adults, and get along fine. But ONE girl I work with is a pain in the rear. She has an abrasive personality, tells me rather than asks me to do things, and has tried, more than once, to manipulate me into doing her job. I have to put my foot down with her and tell her how it's gonna be...otherwise she walks all over me. I am so done with that.

[Darlene K.]

I don't think you did anything wrong.

[fergus51]

Exactly. And what has become of any system that has detoriated to the point where being nice is valued more than being competent Scary.

I don't value niceness above competence, but I also don't think those are mutually exclusive qualities. Most nurses I work with are both.

Hopefully this incident is resolved and the op won't have to worry about any more confrontations with this particular nurse.