Want to be a CRNA, but have to leave husband & kids at home, concerned about childcare

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Specializes in CRNA.

I am in the process of applying for Nurse Anesthesia programs. I have no programs in my immediate area and would have to move at least 4-5 hrs away to go to school. My husband and 3 elementary age kids would stay in our home because my husband's job is such that he can't transfer and it is too good a career to give up. I have tried to be clear on how rigorous school will be so they are prepared. My husband is concerned about the amount of money it will cost in childcare, especially since he can only hold a night job, so we'd have to have someone stay overnight. Has any current CRNA or SRNA been in this situation or had someone in their program that has? What do people do for childcare? I feel like things will work out, but he is less optimistic about this. We do have family in the area that can help some, but not enough to take the entire brunt of this.

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Specializes in Critical Care.

We do a mix of daycare / nanny. Super effing expensive. My wife is a nurse, so when she does nightshift the nanny comes between 4:30-5 (when I leave for clinical) and stays til the afternoon when my wife gets up. Daycare when she does day shifts - 2 - 3 days / week is 200-250 per week.

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Specializes in CRNA.

Thanks for your input jj224. I am not super excited about paying for childcare with student loans, but I think that might be what will have to happen. :(

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

I would not do this. Wait for a closer program to open up or until your kids are older.

In my opinion- HUGE mistake.

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There may never be a right time...OP can make the time 'right' with reliable child care and mutual understanding with spouse.

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.
There may never be a right time...OP can make the time 'right' with reliable child care and mutual understanding with spouse.

We'll have to agree to disagree. I was looking at this from the children's point of view, because not once in the original post are their feelings/ concerns mentioned. That bothers me.

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So how do you feel about deployed mothers? And single parents?

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I'm also a mom-of three kids under the age of 5. Just because you don't mention your kids feelings in a post is no reason to think badly of someone. The LAST thing a mom needed is to feel more guilt when trying to apply to school. It is sooo hard to leave them and you want to make sure your family stays intact. I am planning to apply the next couple years. I hired an Au Pair from Thailand through cultural care Au pair. Best thing I have ever done. It is a huge chunk of our income but totally worth it. She lives with us. she helps clean, and LOVES my kids. She helps keep our family stable since I am studying/working full-time. we plan to continue with this program when I'm in school.

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.
So how do you feel about deployed mothers? And single parents?

That's not the issue and I was raised by a single parent.

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Specializes in CRNA.
I would not do this. Wait for a closer program to open up or until your kids are older.

In my opinion- HUGE mistake.

meanmaryjean: I assumed when you said huge mistake it was because I would be using loans to pay for childcare not because I didn't mention my children's feelings about my going back to school. While I am concerned about their feelings during my time away from them, I do not see this as a reason to not continue my education. They understand that in order to get the job that I want, I have to go back to school. They are sad, but also are happy they will not have to move with because they have friends/cousins they don't want to leave. They are also excited to use facetime/skype/texts in order to keep in touch. You mentioned waiting for a closer program? There aren't any schools in the area that are looking to start one. Since nurse anesthesia programs are expensive to run there aren't many of them and it is common for people to move and even leave their family behind depending on the circumstances. As for waiting for my kids to get older....I will then also be older and closer to retirement. The cost benefit goes down every year I wait. I get that you wouldn't do it, this is not a situation for everyone. However, I would. I am just trying to get some ideas that will make this process easier for myself and husband if possible.

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Specializes in CRNA.
I'm also a mom-of three kids under the age of 5. Just because you don't mention your kids feelings in a post is no reason to think badly of someone. The LAST thing a mom needed is to feel more guilt when trying to apply to school. It is sooo hard to leave them and you want to make sure your family stays intact. I am planning to apply the next couple years. I hired an Au Pair from Thailand through cultural care Au pair. Best thing I have ever done. It is a huge chunk of our income but totally worth it. She lives with us. she helps clean, and LOVES my kids. She helps keep our family stable since I am studying/working full-time. we plan to continue with this program when I'm in school.

We have been interested in hiring an Au pair. We have an extra room. Maybe it would be worth looking into again. Thanks for the input!

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An au pair would be an option, although I would check to see how long their arrangements are for. I know that many are typically 12-month arrangements. For every story I've heard or read about a great au pair, I have also heard and read stories about au pairs who turn out to be nightmares (lack of accountability, messy, not good with the children, etc.). I would definitely do a LOT of research before going with that option, especially because your husband will be dealing almost 100% with the daily headache of a sub-par au pair as you will be far away.

I don't want to assume anything or get into your business, but I noticed that you mentioned that he was "less optimistic". I doubt I'm telling you anything you don't already know, but make sure he's 100% on board so the situation doesn't create resentment as logistically, he will essentially be a single parent for the most part. I was enlisted for 10 years and saw MANY parents go on deployment. I knew many of their spouses back home as well. Regardless of how supportive they were of their spouse and their career, the separation and increased responsibility really got to even the best of them and created a lot of additional stress and resentment at times. My fellow shipmates on deployment also had separation issues and found it harder than they anticipated to handle the fact that their family had a life that they were only apart of via Skype and e-mails, and that they missed out on so many events and milestones because they were far away. A lot of them ended up getting out of the Navy earlier than they initially wanted because they didn't want to deal with the separation any longer. It was a necessary part of serving in the military, but it definitely wasn't easy on any of them. I don't want to discourage you from following your dreams, I just wanted to relay what I have observed over the years regarding the non-monetary stresses of having a parent that lives far away. Before I considered an au pair situation, I would sit down and have a good soul-searching session. Ask myself if I were able to handle not only being apart from my family for 2-ish years, but if I were really ok with having another person taking over my responsibilities as a mom and living in my home in my absence. That's not meant to be judgmental, as many people would be totally ok with it (and that's fine!), but I would rather ask myself those questions in advance than be blindsided by issues and feelings I didn't anticipate when everything is already in motion and I had moved away. Good luck with everything!

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