Want to have a baby

Katie803 · Mar 29, 2010

Ah, the age old question: when to have a baby. From one mother to a future mother, my advice is this. No one is EVER ready to have a baby. You can prepare all you want to, you can read all the books, take all the classes, sign wills, prepare for college funds and trusts, but no matter what you do, nothing will ever prepare you for the tiny life you will bring into the world. Almost all mothers say that when they hold that child for the first time, the whole world changes in an instant. It does. I had those funny and laughable things called plans once. I wanted to have a baby while I was still young so that I could enjoy middle age by traveling and having nice things. I was so excited when that test came up positive. I decided how I would raise my child, what I would and would not do, agreed with my husband on discipline, vaccines, education, and all kinds of important things. All of that has changed dramatically. For example my husband agreed we would spank (only as a last resort). My daughter is almost 3 and has him so wrapped around her finger I can probably count on one finger how many times I've seen him spank her.

But back to the issue. I would think that two years would be good, but keep in mind that the average time a nurse spends on one unit in one field is not very long, I've even heard usually around 3-4 years. One thing for sure, I would not begin trying for a baby until you have insurance at your job. This is a must, as a hospital stay to have a baby is quite pricy. I remember getting the bills from my prenatal visits and they averaged from $400-$3,000 dollars for the doctor to complain about how much weight I was gaining and reassure me that my baby would be tiny (she was 9 lbs). You should sit down with your husband and decide together, and don't pressure anything or allow yourself to be pressured. This miraculous experience should be a welcome and wonderful thing, not something that has tension due to disagreements regarding work vs. mother/fatherhood. I wish you the best of luck, and don't forget that mother nature is also playing a role and you might get a surprise positive well before you decide to start trying, but don't let that cause you to think that everything you planned went up in smoke (FYI, plans usually go up in smoke anyway haha). And when you do start trying, if you aren't successful at first don't get discouraged. It took my husband and I a year before we concieved, but we didn't mind, practicing was fun .Remember the old saying; Want to give god a good belly laugh? Tell him about your plans for life. You may make the plans, but He makes the decisions.

cicatrixx15 · Mar 29, 2010

Ah, the age old question: when to have a baby. From one mother to a future mother, my advice is this. No one is EVER ready to have a baby. You can prepare all you want to, you can read all the books, take all the classes, sign wills, prepare for college funds and trusts, but no matter what you do, nothing will ever prepare you for the tiny life you will bring into the world. Almost all mothers say that when they hold that child for the first time, the whole world changes in an instant. It does. I had those funny and laughable things called plans once. I wanted to have a baby while I was still young so that I could enjoy middle age by traveling and having nice things. I was so excited when that test came up positive. I decided how I would raise my child, what I would and would not do, agreed with my husband on discipline, vaccines, education, and all kinds of important things. All of that has changed dramatically. For example my husband agreed we would spank (only as a last resort). My daughter is almost 3 and has him so wrapped around her finger I can probably count on one finger how many times I've seen him spank her.
But back to the issue. I would think that two years would be good, but keep in mind that the average time a nurse spends on one unit in one field is not very long, I've even heard usually around 3-4 years. One thing for sure, I would not begin trying for a baby until you have insurance at your job. This is a must, as a hospital stay to have a baby is quite pricy. I remember getting the bills from my prenatal visits and they averaged from $400-$3,000 dollars for the doctor to complain about how much weight I was gaining and reassure me that my baby would be tiny (she was 9 lbs). You should sit down with your husband and decide together, and don't pressure anything or allow yourself to be pressured. This miraculous experience should be a welcome and wonderful thing, not something that has tension due to disagreements regarding work vs. mother/fatherhood. I wish you the best of luck, and don't forget that mother nature is also playing a role and you might get a surprise positive well before you decide to start trying, but don't let that cause you to think that everything you planned went up in smoke (FYI, plans usually go up in smoke anyway haha). And when you do start trying, if you aren't successful at first don't get discouraged. It took my husband and I a year before we concieved, but we didn't mind, practicing was fun .Remember the old saying; Want to give god a good belly laugh? Tell him about your plans for life. You may make the plans, but He makes the decisions.

Thanks for the advice. My husband is getting back into the army as an officer after he gets his bachelors degree, so I won't have to worry about insurance:)

blondesareeasy · Mar 29, 2010

Either have a career or have the baby. And it's unfair to your husband to expect him to carry the load of a new job fresh out of school and slap him with the responsibility of paying the bills.

And it's unfair to the baby to A.) have it and go back to work, or B.) drop it off with a sitter while you go fulfill yourself.

Maybe you'll work and do your fair share while he's still in school. That's plenty fair. But wait. And wait some more.

And go GREEN. No kids at all.

cicatrixx15 · Mar 29, 2010

I will be working as a nurse while he finishes school. It won't really be a "new" job. He is going BACK into the army. He is just furthering his education. It's a personal choice to have a child. What does it have to do with going green?

enchantmentdis, BSN, RN · Mar 29, 2010

Hi there:

It will depend on your personality, temperment, how you handle pressure and constant exasperation, your level of tolerance for frustration and sleeplessness, and ability to pretend to enjoy working with those/that which you dislike/or are annoyed by.

Nursing is like a baby at first; it will keep you up at night; it will make you tired while making enormous demands on your time; you will change it's diaper and 5 mins later it will ring your call-light; you will feed it and 10 mins later it will want more (especially the obese baby); you will have to take it for shots and doctor visits and it will protest; and you will wonder "why did I ever have it/do it", and SOMETIMES you will be rewarded. Go for it--the pain, excitement, and reward. I had a daughter right after i passed my boards (on the first try and within 75 mins, btw), and i am grateful to be a mom.

Katie803 · Mar 29, 2010

ignore the blonde, OP. I'm sorry, but that response was rude and insensitive . You have no idea what her plans are, blondie, and you must not have children. It's not always possible to have a baby and stay at home. I enjoy buying my daughter food that I get money for by working. It would probably be more unfair to the baby to stay at home and let it starve to death than take it to a sitter or family member so you can earn money by working. My grandmother was the head nurse of 3 floors and raised 4 children and they all turned out great. We are lucky enough to live in a society where one can have a career and have a family. And the OP's husband is probably very supportive of her plans or this post wouldn't even be here. Some men love to be the bacon bringer and if you had read the post she is asking advice about HOW LONG IS LONG ENOUGH to stay at a job before deciding to have a baby, nothing is mentioned about trying to have one fresh out of school. I feel bad for the person who does not know the joys of having children, of watching their child's face light up when she sees her first butterfly, of singing along to twinkle twinkle little star and helping her when she forgets the words, and having your eyes well with tears at the look of pure joy when you walk in the door after a long and hard day at work. There is nothing that can compare to the pure, innocent, and unconditional love of your own child.

cicatrixx15 · Mar 29, 2010

I just joined this site a couple of days ago, so I'm still getting used to it. May be a goofy question, but I like to thoroughly understand what I'm reading. What is OP?

Thanks.

Katie803 · Mar 29, 2010

original poster is OP

cicatrixx15 · Mar 29, 2010

Thanks. That's the way I was reading it, but I just wanted to make sure.:)

SWS RN, ASN, RN · Mar 29, 2010

I totally resent the statement "have the career or have the baby"!

What kind of "Leave it to Beaver" world are you living in these days?????? I suppose you expect us little women and mothers to do our housework in dresses, heels and a strand of pearls.

My children are both adults now and I had a career and was a pretty darn good mother as well!

That is one of the perks of Nursing. I worked 3 12hour shifts at night (7p-7a)-they were well cared for while I worked by their father.

Hello! There are TWO parents!!!!! No One is saying to the husband/father "have a career or a baby".

This schedule allowed me to sleep while they were in school and afforded me the luxury of 4 full days off with them. I was the room mother, president of the PTA and chaperone on many, many field trips!!!

By the way, they turned out pretty well-in spite of my "career"...

The older one is an Epidemiologist and the Liasion for Bioterrorism for the state of Washington. Oh, Yeah, she also has a career and 2 CHILDREN! They each take Karate lessons and gymnastics. Both take music lessons. In the warm weather they have swimming lessons. The little boy plays scoccer and the little girl takes dance.

They do not suffer anywhere, anytime!

(and her husband is also in the army-he is SF-Green Beret)

My younger daughter is doing fine too...considering she graduated from the University of Florida after being on a full scholarship...she has been accepted at 3 of the 4 veterinary medicine schools to which she applied this year and will be starting school in August.

My older daughter danced in high school and was a member of the precision dance team. We went to competitions all over the country (LA, Dallas, NYC, Wash, DC and Japan) and they were the National and International champions in 1997. (oh, yeah, I went along as a chaperone...)

SO, While I also agree with the other premise that there is no ideal time to "plan" a baby...neither of mine were planned but sure were welcomed and very much adored...go to school, get some experience under your belt-and no 2 years is not too soon to take a maternity break... enjoy your career and adore your children...talk to your husband and make sure you are both on the same page as far as his responsibility in parenting.

YES you can have the baby and the career!

Much luck and best wishes to you.:redpinkhe

metal_m0nk, BSN, RN · Mar 29, 2010

Don't feed the trolls.