Visitor from He**

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Maybe I was just cranky from lack of sleep yesterday (baby was sick and up all night- should have called in), but one of my patients had a visitor that just irritated the heck out of me.

Note that I've had this patient a couple of times during his 5 week stay in our ICU. He's very ill, but he is getting better. Yesterday was the first day that I had ever seen this woman, but I had been told that the patient had 2 current girlfriends (1 of which visits him daily, and I have gotten to know her pretty well), and an ex-wife that visits regularly. They all get along, surprisingly.

My first experience with her was when she shows up right after I left his room yesterday morning (after spending an hour getting him straightened out and comfortable- finally). She comes up to the nurse's station and says, "We need our nurse." That just rubbed me the wrong way for some reason- like she was summoning her waiter, or something. When I introduced myself as his nurse, she says he needs mouthcare. I told her I had just done it. Then she says she wants to wash his hair. I told her no, I just had to bump up his sedation medication and give him MSO4 to get him comfortable again. Then she starts asking me a bunch of questions about his status, and gets huffy when I ask if I could inquire who she was, as I had never seen her before.

She tells me who she is and says she's been here every day since he got admitted. Not true- she hadn't even been there the day before. So, I only give her the basic HIPAA-proof info. She then goes behind me and verifies what I've told her with the PCA. Later on, she wants to get huffy with me again, when I ask her to leave the room, so I could turn him and do skin care to his peri area/coccyx SBD. She says, "Well, it's not like I haven't seen it before." The thing is, he is sedated on a Diprovan drip, and I'm not turning it off so I can ask his permission- he gets very agitated at times. I again asked, "For the sake of his privacy, can you go wait in the waiting room for about 15 minutes while I do this?" She huffs off.

Fast forward to 2 hours later: I transfer him to the long-term vent unit. She tried to enter the room twice while we were getting him settled in his new room after I repeatedly asked her to wait in the waiting room. As the receiving nurse and I are getting him settled, we notice his toenails have been painted bright orange! She did this to him when she came back in the room after I did his skin care. What a jerk! :angryfire

Now, I hear the guy has a great sense of humor, but he's really sick, and isn't recovering all that well from his CABG (he ended up being trached, pegged, etc.). The receiving nurse on the long-term vent unit said he wasn't going to allow her in the room from then on. Had I realized what she had done, I wouldn't either. I wanted to go chew her out in the waiting room, but thought better of it, because I probably would've gotten fired.

Specializes in nursery, L and D.

She sounds like maybe she was a lu-lu fruitcake? I mean orange toenails in ICU? Maybe if he was at home sleeping on the couch, as a joke, but in ICU? Crazy!

Specializes in ICU of all kinds, CVICU, Cath Lab, ER..

:nurse: I read (and reread) the comments regarding this visitor from hello.... why are we nurses willing to bite our tongues and put up with this demeaning behaviour? Must be because in some cases we are not backed up/supported by our managers. Why are we willing to allow our profession to be reduced to "waitress, cleaning lady, punching bag"? We worked hard to get our licenses; we deserve respect! If our jobs are on the line because we demand that respect, and we refuse to allow anyone to berate us - then so be it. The nursing shortage has a great number of causes; I believe the treatment we nurses receive from patients, patients' families as well as physicians and administrators adds to the reasons for the shortages.

Let us try to remain professionals and at the same time, maintain our positions as patient advocates. No where in the oath I took at my pinning service (many, many years ago) did it say I had to be a doormat.

My my, she has a huge sense of self-importance, doesn't she???

Just think if she really was that important, maybe he'd only need one girlfriend!

The orange toenail thing is just wEiRd! :uhoh21:

Specializes in Trauma,ER,CCU/OHU/Nsg Ed/Nsg Research.
I like the way you answered- I'm his nurse. I might have been tempted to say ''are you feeling ill? Do we need to admit you?'' but like you declining to call the lady on the orange nails, would've thought better of it in the interest of keeping my job.

:rotfl: Hilarious reply- I wish I had thought of it!

Specializes in cardiac med-surg.

weirdo

Specializes in Assisted Living, Med-Surg/CVA specialty.

As soon as I saw the orange toenails, I would've told her to leave and if she refused, I'd let security get involved.

What guy wants orange toenails esp. when they are in that kind of condition? It's not like he stand up for himself.

Specializes in Trauma,ER,CCU/OHU/Nsg Ed/Nsg Research.
:nurse: I read (and reread) the comments regarding this visitor from hello.... why are we nurses willing to bite our tongues and put up with this demeaning behaviour? Must be because in some cases we are not backed up/supported by our managers. Why are we willing to allow our profession to be reduced to "waitress, cleaning lady, punching bag"? We worked hard to get our licenses; we deserve respect! If our jobs are on the line because we demand that respect, and we refuse to allow anyone to berate us - then so be it. The nursing shortage has a great number of causes; I believe the treatment we nurses receive from patients, patients' families as well as physicians and administrators adds to the reasons for the shortages.

Let us try to remain professionals and at the same time, maintain our positions as patient advocates. No where in the oath I took at my pinning service (many, many years ago) did it say I had to be a doormat.

Uhh...I am no doormat, :nono: but thanks. I work on an open heart unit, and most patients see how clinically valuable I am, so this isn't the norm where I work. I did bite my tongue in order to maintain a professional boundary with this women, and I did advocate for my patient by booting her out of the room (3 times) when appropriate, and by not divulging his private information to her.

I chose not to confront her about the toenails, because I know myself enough to know when my mouth will get me in trouble, and I was not feeling very therapeutic at that point.

Specializes in Trauma,ER,CCU/OHU/Nsg Ed/Nsg Research.
Just think if she really was that important, maybe he'd only need one girlfriend!

:rotfl: True.

Painting his toenails is odd to say the least. Most men don't paint their toenails so doing it to someone in the hospital when they aren't able to speak up strikes me as I don't even know the word...controlling comes to mind. It just doesn't seem to be normal behavior for a woman to come into an ICU and do this. Yuck.

Specializes in Trauma,ER,CCU/OHU/Nsg Ed/Nsg Research.
She comes up to the nurse's station and says, "We need our nurse." That just rubbed me the wrong way for some reason- like she was summoning her waiter, or something. When I introduced myself as his nurse, she says he needs mouthcare. I told her I had just done it.

The nurse is assigned to the patient. Family centered care doesn't extend all the way to providing nursing services for visitors. Using the word ''our'' instead of ''his'' implies a sense of entitlement. I wasn't there, either, but I've dealt with enough such situations that I know just to what the OP was referring in his/her irritation to that ''request''.

You hit the nail on the head. I was his nurse, and was there to take care of his needs- not hers. I was not being paid to take care of her need to one-up the other girlfriend in concern for him. I was being paid to make sure he recovered and didn't die. The mouth care thing kind of bugged me too, because the way she said it was like she had to keep on top of me in order to make sure I did my job. That's especially irritating, because I am pretty anal about all areas of care for my patients- especially mouth care in my intubated patients, as I don't want to add pneumonia to their list of problems.

Specializes in Trauma,ER,CCU/OHU/Nsg Ed/Nsg Research.
Painting his toenails is odd to say the least. Most men don't paint their toenails so doing it to someone in the hospital when they aren't able to speak up strikes me as I don't even know the word...controlling comes to mind. It just doesn't seem to be normal behavior for a woman to come into an ICU and do this. Yuck.

Yeah- she's concerned about his mouth care and washing his hair, but not his dignity? It led me to wonder if she wasn't getting back at him for having another girlfriend.

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