Very upset.

[LovingLearning]

please excuse the lack of appropriate capitalization...my cat spilled milk on the keyboard, and I am still having trouble...

i'm a first semester student, a-b grades. clinical reviews were fine midterm. there is a person in my clinical group who is a gossip, malicious and someone who enjoys stirring the pot. this person will actively accumulate grievances and solicit folks' complaints about others. sadly, this time i was the target.

i knew trouble was brewing, because my clinical instructor spoke with me about three certain events. in the interest of brevity, i won't go into details at this time, but i explained my actions, was not written up, but advised to deal better with other people's boundaries. fine, i can accommodate that; it's not easy, but i can do that. i did, at the time of the talking to, explain what had happened, and i thought we had moved past that. upon further consideration and a bit of a cooling-off time

overnight, i approached my clinical instructor the next morning and asked for a one on one meeting with the person who lodged the complaints against me, mediated by the instructor. i felt it would be best to clear the air between them and i...she said she'd ask them. turns out that person refused to do it one on one, approached me, told me that 'the whole group has a problem with you, and we're going to deal with it as a group.'

i went to my clinical instructor, told her i was not willing to sit there in a group and listen to them gang up on me; that if certain people had issues, i was more than willing to deal with them one on one, but not in a public situation. she reassured me that would not happen. further, since she and i had already addressed the issues, i wasn't sure what purpose having a 'group meeting' would do other than be humiliating and upsetting to me. again, she agreed, and reassured me it would not happen.

guess what happened...

Yesterday, in post conference, the 'group meeting' was had. not only with our clinical group, but with two other people from a group whose teacher had been absent that day. not only those two people, but our class coordinator to whom i had not addressed anything with, and who had not discussed anything with me.

let's just say i sat there for an hour, defensive and fighting to maintain control. i sat there and heard things which did not happen get discussed; i heard how i was neglecting my patient, and on and on. when i left the room, i made it out to the street before crying. there were several people who both said this group meeting was uncomfortable for them, and who also defended me.

the upshot of all this is that i am very, very, very upset. i feel utterly betrayed by my instructor, and like i can't go to her and believe what she says about anything; after all, she told me this would not happen.

i feel completely humiliated; and feel as though if i say anything, it will be taken as relatiatory, and looked upon badly.

but mostly, i am beyond furious that i was accused of neglecting a patient. at no time, in no way, shape or form, have i ever neglected a patient; if i did something the rn asked me to, it was when my patient was zonked on norco or in xray or whatever...in other words, when i had time to assist.

now, let's face it. have i made mistakes...of course. i'm a student. i'm going to err. that's what being a student is about. did the clinical instructor write me up/ again, no...

what has got me sleepless and completely anxiety-ridden is the way this was handled. i did not expect, nor did i appreciate, being put into the middle of a group and told how horrible i am. i did not appreciate, nor deserve, people outside the group being part of this, especially as they had nothing to do whatsoever with the incident/s/ in question. and i most certainly do not appreciate being told this was not going to happen, and having it happen.

i feel bushwhacked, ambushed, ganged up on, whatever the term you choose to use, i feel it. i am humiliated, furious, upset, and have been in tears on and off since this happened. i can't trust my clinical instructor; and only a few folks in clinicals at this point.

i am exhausted; it's 2;30 am, i should be fast asleep, but i never even got to bed last night. i go to class in a few hours...and i don't know what to expect or if another bomb is waiting to go off.

i can't believe that this is happening; i am not willing to ever be publicly humiliated like this again...i wasn't willing to be in this situation in the first place. i am a mature adult, and don't expect to be treated like a child, and don't appreciate it, either.

and i don't know what to do. i can do nothing, or i can escalate, or i can wait and see. i'm just not sure how to protect myself from future assaults and yes i see this as an assault...

what would you do, and how would you do it.

again, thanks for bearing with the poor keyboarding...i will have a new keyboard shortly, because i can't stand this either.

best-

lovin learning

although not so much right now...

[DDRN4me]

I'm sorry this happened to you. Nursing school can feel a lot like junior high at times with cliques and people talking trash.

I would make an appointment with your advisor or the clinical person who led the meeting and calmy express your feelings about that meeting. Ask for specific dates and times of these "incidents" then try and see if you left yourself open to criticism.

Unfortunately; losing sleep will not help keep you level headed and alert so you will now need to put on a brave smile and go back. Avoid those that you feel target you and be professional when you have to deal with them.

my favorite thing to do is "kill em with kindness" smile; and dont let them know how you really feel. makes them wonder!!!

(((hugs from your friends here))) mary

[matilda123]

Get yourself together. Focus on your goals and your studies.

Do not allow those people to upset you and run your life! Go in there as an adult, with dignity and professionalism, and ignore the trash and juveniles.

[LovingLearning]

ddrn, see, that's the problem. i already did speak with my clinical instructor, we discussed the issues, and i was not warned nor written up. additionally, when i heard that this person wanted a group confrontation, i told my instructor that i was decidedly not willing to do that. she assured me, twice, that it would not happen.

it did anyway. and the class coordinator was there.

i am quite tempted to not go to class today; i will anyway, but i just don't feel like i want to be in a room with people who ganged up on me, who lied about me and insulted me, where i was not allowed a 'defense' and just sat there and had to take it. i will go to class, because i am there to learn...and not play highschool stuff. but for the first time, i am dreading this, and actually nauseous about being there.

the way this was dealt with was unacceptable...and i don't know what to do about it.

best-

lovin' learning

but not today

[snazzy-jazzy, BSN, RN]

I hope you have the strength to get through your class today. I know I'm not good at handling stress when I've not had much sleep so I'll be thinking of you today.

What you described was inappropriate, I would have been mortified, angry, later tearful accompanied with vengeful thoughts just to make myself feel better. I would then plan how I was going to handle myself next, and it would be in a professional manner. Don't let these girls drag you down, from now on just think of yourself and concentrate on becomming the best nurse you can be. Its understandable that you are upset at your instructor, however maybe it was overwhelming for her also or she may have thought it could be sorted out, I'm not saying she did the right thing.

Can you speak to her about it, but without blaming her for wrong doing, if she hasn't written you up or warned you about anything she obviously does not have a problem with you. Personally I'd be letting her know that I'm not going to drag this on any further and I intend to just get on with what I came here for.

Hold your head up, study hard and get higher grades than them...

[2bnurselovescoffee]

I would make an appointment with your advisor or the clinical person who led the meeting and calmy express your feelings about that meeting. Ask for specific dates and times of these "incidents" then try and see if you left yourself open to criticism.

I think she meant to talk to your clinical instructor about the incident and how it made you feel.

You have two options you can sit around and feel bad about what happened (which is easy to do), or you can be the "bigger person" and walk away.

A lot of nursing school is jumping through the ridiculous hoops that are in your way. I would pick myself up and continue on because I want to be a nurse, and will not have some immature girls ruin that for me.

[queenjean]

Write down EVERYTHING that happened--what happened previously in the clinical group, your discussions with your clinical instructor, and then the group meeting. Forward a copy of this to your clinical instructor, the lead instructor for your class and the dean of nursing, and request a copy be put in your file.

Check your nursing handbook. I suspect this seriously violated their discipline and grievance policies. Quote any appropriate material out of your handbook. Tell them how horrible this has made you feel, how unsupported you feel, and that you want them to ensure that from this moment on any disciplinary meetings or grievances will be handled privately between the student and the instructor.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Don't let those people keep you from your degree. What hateful, horrible people! Be happy you aren't like them.

When you can, you may want to try to look at what they said to you. Is there any validity to their comments? Certainly, they were voiced in a completely inappropriate manner. But it wouldn't hurt to try to examine them and see if there are areas in which you can improve. Use this to your betterment. Use this situation to your every advantage and be a better person from it. Don't let them bring you down.

[Jolie, BSN]

As you well know, this situation was inappropriate.

If your peers have issues with your clinical performance, it is their responsibility to speak to you directly (one on one) or refer those concerns to your instructor who is then responsible for addressing you in private. This is not American Idol where everyone in the audience gets to critique and vote on your performance.

Write a detailed, but objective letter stating everything that has happened to this point. Make an appointment with your instructor's supervisor for a moderated meeting with your instructor.

Go thru the chain of command, as you would have expected her to do with you. Do not go over her head without giving her a chance to be present. Demonstrate that you respect the chain of command and basic standards of professional behavior, even if she does not. In the absence of an immediate danger, it is NEVER appropriate to discipline one in public, and she was clearly wrong in doing so, not to mention showed bad judgment by allowing classmates excessive input into the discussion of your clinical performance. She has violated your right to privacy, and I'm sure your school has a privacy policy regarding grades and discipline.

I am sorry that a member of our profession has acted so inappropriately and harmed you in the process. My best to you as you address this. Please let us know how it works out.

[Jolie, BSN]

I wanted to add, for the benefit of other students or staff nurses reading this thread: If you ever find yourself in a situation like this, where you are being corrected, disciplined or berated in public, or in a private meeting attended by people who have no business being there (your fellow students), calmly get up and state that you will not continue the discussion in an inappropriate manner. State that you are on your way to Human Resources (or the Dean's Office) to obtain assistance in addressing the issue and that the other party is welcome to join you.

I know it's easy for me to say from the comfort of my kitchen, but I've learned from past experience. Do not ever allow yourself to be publicly humiliated. The other person has planned this meeting (or attack). They intend to catch you off guard because it puts you at a disadvantage. Don't allow them to do so. End the ambush immediately by calmly stating that you will discuss the issue in an appropriate setting when you have had the same opportunity as they have had to prepare.

[ktstato]

Remember to focus on why you're in school now, and why you're willing to put up with all this. You will be successful, whether they like it or not! I'm not sure what your class coordinator is, (student representative?), but they should have made a stand when the Instructor refused to. You might want to consider going to the head of the department if you are uncomfortable with your Instructor now, but don't miss class over it. It will only hurt your hard-earned A!!!!

I'm sorry this happened to you, but I'm sure someday it will make you a better nurse because it did.

[lilla_fjaril]

What happened to you sucks, but hospitals can be unforgiving places and as a new nurse you may be subject to bullying by other GNs, other nurses, doctors, techs, etc. I haven't experienced near what you did but I was in a clinical group with a bunch of other people who were all friends who worked on all their patients together while I was left by myself. It wasn't fun but I survived.

I have seen OR nurses correctly call out a sterile field break (potentially saving the surgeon from a surgical site infecton) only to be berated by the surgeon for f***ing up the case. I have seen several classmates moved to tears by mean nurses and my thoughts are that while that behavior is wrong, if you can't handle being picked on, how will you handle it if you make an error that leads to a patient's decompensation or death? After all, medical errors are one of the top causes of death in the USA and no one is perfect.

In short, you won't find a school (or a job) where there aren't a few petty malicious people around that can only raise themselves up by beating others down. If you know you did nothing wrong then hold your head up high and keep doing your thing.

The best revenge is not letting them see you get upset, getting better grades, learning more, and getting that kickass job in the ICU that all of the mean girls wanted :)

Also, I personally recommend a unit with more male nurses. The atmosphere just seems more friendly.

Cheer up! Forget those people. You're going to be a nurse--how cool is that?

[debi49]

Wow! What a mess. When I was in nursing school I had enough to do to keep my own self together, let alone be paying attention, and creating fiction, about my classmates. You are not under the authority of your classmates and for them to berate and discipline you as tho they were is completely inappropriate. Any mistakes you may or may not have made in clinicals is between you and your instructor.

Good luck with this. THe semester should be over in about a month. Hang in there.:redbeathe