VENTING ABOUT MY FIRST JOB... my awful memory... and my awful orientation :(

[lorenwithano]

hey all,

im posting simply to vent and to see if any other nurses have been in a similar situation...

i graduated an LPN program in october with hopes of finding a job in the psych field or with the department of children and families. always have been interested in psych and really enjoy working with children. when i graduated i was surprised to find that there were NO JOBS for LPNs and NO JOBS in the field i preferred (in fact, very few of my classmates have found jobs yet... 4 months later... many places want 6 months - 1 year of expierience). however, nursing school was VERY expensive and i wasnt able to work much (2 days a week at a restauraunt) so i am really struggling to catch up. anyway, i decided to apply to a few LTC facilities. most of our clinicals were done in LTC, so i figured, why not? about a month after applying online, a LTC AND REHAB facility called me, interviewed me, and hired me... i liked the staff a lot (most were very friendly) and they treated the residents kindly, it appeared to be clean and organized... the pay wasnt very good, but i took the job because something is better than nothing and i need some kind of expierience.

so my orientation started last week. it was a whirlwind. its been a few months since ive been in school... and i have to be honest, those 4 months i wasnt studying med cards or lab values and reading the nursing war and peace... so now that im back into the nursing world, i realize how much i have forgotten. its embarassing. i will see a med and wont even know the classification. ill read a disease in a chart and have no idea what it is... its bothering me so much and adding to my worries right now. not to mention i am incredibly nervous... almost to the point where i am making myself sick everyday before i go into work.

i have been orienting with a few different nurses. one out of the three is great. she is two years older than me and started working at this facility two years ago. she is very thorough and if i dont understand something i feel very comfortable asking her a question. she will let me do the 9pm med pass (supervised) and includes me in the daily tasks and lets me be hands on. shes kind to the residents and is smart and she is what i aspire to be like. another nurse who is orienting me refuses to let me do anything. for 8 hours, i am just observing... any attempt at conversation with her she shoots down. she wont let me do ANY med pass (NOT even supervised, NOT even ONE patient... nothing) nor does she let me do any treatments. which i can somewhat understand... shes only known me for a week... but i just feel awful and annoying because i am just standing around doing nothing like a shadow. so when i offer to help her (even if its just recording I's and O's) she always replies in front of about ten other staff members "well there is not much you can actually do for me" and she'll walk away from me. tonight, she had two admission and a resident who was "on her way out"... so instead of letting this be a learning expierience for me, she sends me upstairs to orient with "the other nurse" because she was too busy, which upset me because the only way im going to learn is by seeing and being in those situations. and its not like she will let me do anything anyway. i just stand there. "the other nurse" i am orienting with is no better. when she is getting report from the previous nurse, they are basically gossiping the entire time, and i am just standing there listening (feeling like an idiot, because i know if they are gossiping about other staff, then why wouldnt i be another target in another conversation... im the new girl, afterall). after report, every single thing i do is WRONG WRONG WRONG. she criticizes absolutely everything i do. from moving a garbage pail with my hand (of course i washed and purelled afterwards) to not putting ice in her water pitcher for the med pass, any opportunity to make me feel imcompetent. during her med pass she will quiz me, and most of the time i have no idea what she is talking about. she sometimes will give a resident their 9pm meds at 6pm (if they go to bed early... i dont know if i agree with this...) and when she started her med pass 10 minutes late tonight and a resident came to ask where her pills were she was nasty to her and said "f*** you" under her breath. or, she will give me direction, mumble it, and when i ask her to repeat what she said she gets upset and attitude. she definitely is a smart women, she knows more than me, thats for sure.. but i just feel like its uneccesary for her to treat me like that. the icing on the cake was tonight. i have NEVER done an admission before. in fact, the amount of paperwork involved in nursing is so crazy. i had no idea it would ever be like this. so i asked the nurse orienting me if i could sit in on the admission, and i was surprised when she agreed. i did the patients vitals, and she did the skin assessment around 7pm. at 10pm the same nurse who knows i have been orienting for 8 days puts a stack of paperwork in front of me and asks me to fill it all out and walks away. i just burst out into tears. the patient was non-verbal with oral candidias so when the assessment sheet asked if she had dentures i had no clue... she was brought in on a stretcher, so i had no idea how she ambulated (and many more silly things, ...but i had no clue!) i didnt know where any of the paperwork went... what binders, what notebooks, what folders? .... the paperwork out of everything makes me the most nervous, because i dont want to forget to document something. i ended up leaving a few minutes early because i got sick in the restroom. i dont want to play tattletale right away and say nurses are not orienting me properly... because i still have another month to go... and i also dont want to request to just orient with the first nurse i mentioned (because 1. they will not allow that, she is a part time nurse 2. i dont want to bug her every time she comes in.. it takes time out of your routine to orient... i want to give her a break sometimes). its just very frustrating.

i think i come off as immature venting like i am... almost as if im saying "shes being mean to me!"... but my orientation is making me feel like i have no business being a nurse... even though its something ive wanted to do for a long time. so far, LTC AND REHAB does not seem to be my cup of tea. im sure this is how people discover certain areas of nursing are not for them... but i REALLY dont feel like its for me. i just wish it were easier for LPNs to find jobs in other areas of nursing. i am considering going for my RN. i just dont know. and it feels like i dont know anything.

thanks everyone!

[BradleyRN]

in fact, you think nurses y and z are good nurses "blah blah blah

i wouldnt go as far as to say that that criminal who trained you was a "good nurse", but you dont have to call her a criminal i guess. as far as im concerned however, if i see a nurse curse a defenseless elderly person, you can bet i am going to let him/her have it, as well as report the incident. that may have not been the case here, but doing your night med pass during the day is also a total disregard for the patients and your role as a nurse. i could not support these behaviors, because if i did, then i am just as guilty for letting it go on as they are for doing it. so though your recourse may only be to request not to work with such people, you should certainly not call an abusive criminal a good nurse either.:)

[Itshamrtym]

Keep your head up!!!! You have a lot of courage to just jump right in with both feet... I kind of did the same thing as you.. Even started in LTC. Was a LPN for 8 years before becoming a RN... I don't think you will be burning bridges if you talk to DON about preceptor issues.. Not @ all. She would rather you DO that, then to leave... trust me!!!!!!!!!! This may all work out. Older CNA's are sometimes set in their ways. Take it with a grain of salt. YOU are the new kid on the block. Them being there all of those years... I'm sure they have a vast knowledge base. YOU could learn from them too, it they let you... I'm glad you are going to give it more time.... Would love to hear how it all turned out in the end.... TAKE CARE

[chevyv, BSN, RN]

Welcome to ltc! I also just started in ltc in a casual position. I trained exactly 6 shifts with different preceptors who thought more about getting out on time for once than actually training me. They would have me pass the 2nd med pass while they did their physcian orders, summaries, and whatever else they had to do. The first night on my own was a nightmare (See A day in the life of new lpn under lpn tab). They put me on a wing I had never stepped foot on before with 28 residents to boot. The most I had ever had was 22. I was crying and felt miserable. I even questioned myself as a lpn.

It seems that as much as I wanted to blame the nurse(s), I am forced to look upwards towards management. The nurses are so burnt out! The ones that have been there for 10 yrs still get out 1.5-2hrs late every day! I'm sure it was nice for them to get out on time while I was there. However, I have very limited knowledge regarding what to do with physician orders, how to write and print the Medicare summaries...in short all of the paperwork.

You are not alone! It is normal to feel the way that you do, because I do too and there are more of us out there. You can do this. That's my motto. My 2nd day was last evening and it went very well compared to my first. If the economy wasn't so bad, I probably would have quit after day 1! I'm glad I'm sticking it out. I learn so much now. I also grew me some gonads and told the scheduler not to put me on that wing from hell until I shadow at least 2 days in a row and then I'll let her know.

I hope it gets better for you!

[Itshamrtym]

Welcome to ltc! I also just started in ltc in a casual position. I trained exactly 6 shifts with different preceptors who thought more about getting out on time for once than actually training me. They would have me pass the 2nd med pass while they did their physcian orders, summaries, and whatever else they had to do. The first night on my own was a nightmare (See A day in the life of new lpn under lpn tab). They put me on a wing I had never stepped foot on before with 28 residents to boot. The most I had ever had was 22. I was crying and felt miserable. I even questioned myself as a lpn.

It seems that as much as I wanted to blame the nurse(s), I am forced to look upwards towards management. The nurses are so burnt out! The ones that have been there for 10 yrs still get out 1.5-2hrs late every day! I'm sure it was nice for them to get out on time while I was there. However, I have very limited knowledge regarding what to do with physician orders, how to write and print the Medicare summaries...in short all of the paperwork.

You are not alone! It is normal to feel the way that you do, because I do too and there are more of us out there. You can do this. That's my motto. My 2nd day was last evening and it went very well compared to my first. If the economy wasn't so bad, I probably would have quit after day 1! I'm glad I'm sticking it out. I learn so much now. I also grew me some gonads and told the scheduler not to put me on that wing from hell until I shadow at least 2 days in a row and then I'll let her know.

I hope it gets better for you!

:heartbeat:yeah: thanks for sharing....!!!!!!!!!!!!! good for you... and good luck to you!!!!!!!! YOU are great..

[ToxicShock]

I don't know what the deal is, but I've noticed that now days people are so overly concerned about being a "snitch". Who the hell cares? If you feel you uncomfortable with the person who is training you, and you think they are doing things wrong or unprofessionally, then you have every right to go to a manager and tell them. The safety of pts is #1, imo. It's all in your delivery and what you say, though. Be respectful and offer your concerns in a respectful manner as well. Don't be accusatory. I agree 100% with BradleyRN.

[ozoneranger]

"well there is not much you can actually do for me"

Bingo. There's your answer to her behavior. You're the competition.

She feels threatened. Insecurity results in aggressive/passive aggressive behavior. She views you as a rival & there's not much you can do with her personality type.

So many things come into play here. Age, looks...is there a male employee that she flirts with, watch for subtle signs, a hair flip, changes in attitude when other employees are close by. You can pick up on body language & this will help you discern where she is in the pecking order.

Remember, your enemies enemy may well be your friend. In the mean time, kill her with kindness. No matter how big a bit*h you are, it wears on you to be mean to a nice person.

This is enough to make me want to go back to work....just to help new grads grow comfortable with their work environment.

Things are hard enough without having to deal with nursezilla.

[SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN]

as far as im concerned however, if i see a nurse curse a defenseless elderly person, you can bet i am going to let him/her have it, as well as report the incident.:)

true, i agree with you... i was not trying to imply that she not do otherwise. of course if these events occurred an incident report should have been submitted right away. as a nurse extern i caught an error in dosing for a patient (it was administered over several shifts) and i submitted an incident report. in my post i was speaking of the op working with the nurses rather then the incidents in question.

for instance, "nurse so-and-so knows her job but i work better with nurse so-and-so." that way the op is not putting the other nurses down while trying to state a case for having another preceptor. keep in mind, she is the outsider and the one on orientation... so she does need to fit in and get along in order to stay. thus, it is her responsibility to be the advocate for the patients and must report the incidents in question. however, as a seperate issue, she has a personality conflict with them and should be precepted by another.

[Irene joy]

I worked LTC for a while before starting nursing school and eventually became a med tech there. There is a steep learning curve to get used to all the residents, there likes and dislikes, there physical abilities and so on. If the gal orienting you is not helpful with these things unfortunatly you will have to develope your own way. I always had a cheat sheet that I made with the census sheet like 203-red sweater everyday. 311-parkinsons always wears a plaid shirt. It takes a while to get into the swing of things but before you know it you'lle be passing out meds for 40 people without a problem. Some LPN's in long term care are burned out and show it. Please continue going back to school to get that RN, you'lle have so many other options. Good Luck!