In light of a recent thread on this forum it came to me that people should be aware of certain disclaimer's. This is a public forum and all members are free to participate. It seems odd to me that a person would post a question on the forum and when they receive replies become angry especially when the answers are not what they want to hear.
I have been a member of this forum for many years and successfully navigated a diversion monitoring program without destroying my career of going bankrupt. I am also a peer support for a facility that is monitoring friendly and has successfully helped a great number of nurses return to the careers they love and trained for.
When you post a question and don't get the response you want remember that true healing often comes from facing the hard truth of what we face as nurses in diversion/monitoring. Even those who are unjustly caught in the net due to old/youthful transgressions have to find a way to successfully navigate the program.
I once stood before my diversion committee and showed a book I had read that outlined a non-12-step approach to recovery. Needless to say they were not amused. So I did what my marine corps grandfather taught me: I choose to adapt, improvise and overcome. I succeeded because I listened to those who shared the bitter truth about the programs with me. I became a poster child for the 12-step model of recovery. Stayed under the radar and never engaged in anything that might look like relapse behavior. They are not fair but we all know that the idea that life should be fair is a delusional lie.
So if you don't want honest input please don't post questions on the open forum. There are private message boards for individuals to vent freely with each other.
It might interest many to know that the monitoring boards do read this and other nurses in recovery forums so one should be careful about giving information that can be used to identify yourself.
One of the hallmarks of addiction (if you identify as an addict) is the tendency to let resentment ruin our lives. I wasted 30 years of my life drowning in bitterness so I know this from experience. I am only trying to help so please take responses from me and others who have successfully completed these in the spirit in which they are intended.
I like your post. I had major problems and at the end I was grateful. Gave every board member a hug and thanked them. One of them surprisingly accepted my invitation on LinkedIn. Was really surprise by that. I figured marbling out 7 years ago they didn't mind.
For those with time and still in the rooms of Bill W, do you all have a challenging time not bringing up our mandatory program? It's hard. I try different ways no to incorporate it on birthday shares, but truth is it really is part of our (my) story. Oh well....quality problems.
I take my 9 yr chip in a few weeks and I'm gonna try again not to bring it up....tends to come up when the passionate part of telling the story of when I "woke up" and wanted to change for the good.
...... I'm gonna try again not to bring it up....tends to come up when the passionate part of telling the story........
As I skitter closer and closer to the end (less than a year now) of this stay in hades, I am not sure I will ever be able to 'put it behind me.' Just yesterday, I had a headhunter from a sizable hospital chain contact me. Yes, they contacted ME! We had a lovely discussion about my interests and timeline for getting back into nursing. I had to explain what the blazes this program garbage was. My resume and profile will be getting submitted to a couple of facilities. We'll see if anything comes of it. Or maybe I will have simply burned a few more bridges, I really don't know.
From my observations, I don't think the notion of sobriety is what angers anyone. Those who make it through this gauntlet and out the other side with said sobriety intact, however they do it ought to be commended. The anger is that 'recovery' (or these programs twisted notion of it) is forced upon people who don't have anything to recover from in a manner that is unethical, careeer ending for many, financial destruction, and a mind ******* nightmare.
For me, that will always be a part of my life. As times goes on, some of the anger at the absolute abuse I endured at the hands of the "recommended treatment" has has faded to disgust but it will always be there as a memory of a wasted 6 months of my life. What blunts it somewhat is knowing that in spite of the pablum I was fed during that time, I also managed to complete my BSN.
When I am able to go back to work, my confidence in my skills and body of knowledge is shot. I am terrified of what I no longer know. I feel as though I will be starting all over as a baby nurse. I'm going to have to combat that with the same stubbornness that got me through the last 5+ years. But I will never be able to forget these years and the impact on a career and livelihood that I was once so proud of.
Some of the anger may settle into a low simmer but I will never forget and I sure as **** will never be grateful.
My 2 cents...like many of the "non" science/evidence based "non" sense that is shoveled out in most degree programs these days...therapeutic "touch" magical singing bowls...religion...etc...etc...etc...I would only say if it works for you, then that's great! Like broken heart syndrome, mind affecting the body is real...but...please keep it out of my backyard...my interpretation of "gratitude" (for example) may be vastly different than yours and let's be real:
That which can be proclaimed without evidence can (and must be in the name of human advancement!!!) Can be dismissed the same...
They most certainly suck money out in rehab industry but that does not bother me as much as the enforced 12-step meetings. When I became clean and sober as a young waitress I had no money and no insurance (also no arrests) I had popped in and out of 12-step from an early age. It was the last house on the block and I love 12-step to this day but forcing nurses' in diversion and people who have DUIs into 12-step only serves to leave them with impression that 12-step is 'punishment'. Those who go willingingly are, in my observation, true alcoholics who hit bottom while those who got a DUI for being just at legal limit are all too often 'normies' who had 2 glasses of wine. Same with nurses who are popped on 2 drinks, I used to hold the attitude that normies should 'know better' given they are not so impaired but changed my thinking on that. I now suspect that 'my people' are more sneaky and adept at taking side streets, watching our speed etc...as we know we are over legal limit when we fall out of bed in the morning and put more thought into avoiding the police. I just do not like 12-step, the only non-profit, to be used as punishment.
They most certainly suck money out in rehab industry but that does not bother me as much as the enforced 12-step meetings. When I became clean and sober as a young waitress I had no money and no insurance (also no arrests) I had popped in and out of 12-step from an early age. It was the last house on the block and I love 12-step to this day but forcing nurses' in diversion and people who have DUIs into 12-step only serves to leave them with impression that 12-step is 'punishment'. Those who go willingingly are, in my observation, true alcoholics who hit bottom while those who got a DUI for being just at legal limit are all too often 'normies' who had 2 glasses of wine. Same with nurses who are popped on 2 drinks, I used to hold the attitude that normies should 'know better' given they are not so impaired but changed my thinking on that. I now suspect that 'my people' are more sneaky and adept at taking side streets, watching our speed etc...as we know we are over legal limit when we fall out of bed in the morning and put more thought into avoiding the police. I just do not like 12-step, the only non-profit, to be used as punishment.
I couldn't agree more. When you force somebody to do something it's not recovery it's punishment plain and simple. I've been going to mandated 12 step meetings for years now. I get nothing from the experience except simple annoyance. Worse, I'm sure that the people who go there for and to help get nothing from my presence except the exact same thing. I've found lots of very good people in the rooms but we have nothing good to offer one another and once this period of forced attendance is over you can guarantee that I will never attend another meeting. Honestly after being sentenced there for years I'd rather drink myself to death then go back should those be the choices presented to me
I come across as a soup of bitter/angry/sad/confused/disgusted/a teaspoon of understanding.
I'm bitter at the loss of my career and the fact that I feel I will never regain the respect and chances for advancment that I once had.
I'm angry at having been fooled into believing that these programs were there to help and advocate for me in a time of need and finding out that it was nothing more than a fraudulent pack of lies designed to empty me of my savings, my retirement, dent my families retirement and reduce me to a 40 something year old child that but for the grace of God am not living on the street.
I am sad for the rest of my colleagues who have fallen into the same trap I have and are not as fortunate and have lost everything they have worked so hard for merely because they don't have the financial resources.
I'm confused that the people that run these programs seem to truly believe that the damage done to us is somehow helping when in fact it clearly harms. It confuses me how in a profession that is driven by evidenced based practice, these programs are framed around outdated modalities that have no proven rate of success such as forcing 12 step indoctrination.
I am disgusted at the obvious conflicts of interest between the evaluators, treatment facilities the administrators of the programs and the drug testing arms. It disgusts me that these things function on "guilty until proven innocent" and that obtaining that proof can cost a bundle. This is not monitoring, this is punishment.
The teaspoon of understanding comes from the fact that there is a place for monitoring programs. But not run like they are now.
I feel the same.....trying not to lose my house, paying off student loans..waiting for my letter the BON that has been “coming” since I was told since Nov.
I always enjoy reading your post! Well said. Your story is very familiar. I stood before the board and tried to convince them I didn’t have a drinking problem, only a drug problem. Yep! That was me. Many years later I am thankful for this program. Didn’t just force sobriety but a complete different way of living.
dagobah, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN
110 Posts
I like your post. I had major problems and at the end I was grateful. Gave every board member a hug and thanked them. One of them surprisingly accepted my invitation on LinkedIn. Was really surprise by that. I figured marbling out 7 years ago they didn't mind.
For those with time and still in the rooms of Bill W, do you all have a challenging time not bringing up our mandatory program? It's hard. I try different ways no to incorporate it on birthday shares, but truth is it really is part of our (my) story. Oh well....quality problems.
I take my 9 yr chip in a few weeks and I'm gonna try again not to bring it up....tends to come up when the passionate part of telling the story of when I "woke up" and wanted to change for the good.