Update - Nurse in Recovery

[WriteStuff]

I just read through all of the messages posted relating to drug addiction and the most recent thread.

After eight years of being clean and sober and still practicing in my profession after having participated in intensive rehab and the Diversion Program offered in the state I worked in I find this to be one of the most emotionally charged topics we could discuss.

It has all of the elements of ignorance about addiction, moral, ethical and legal ramifications for those so intrenched. I posted my personal story in this forum two years ago and to this day I receive e-mails from Nurses who are addicted, read my story and are reaching out for help because they are lost, confused, afraid, do not know where to turn and are sick people who just want to get well.

The truth of the matter is that anyone who begins to use addictive drugs, and continues to do so, can become an "addict."

No one is "immune." Addiction, when in full bloom, becomes a leveling playing field.

As the addicted person travels farther down that road the effects of the chemcials on brain chemistry changes everything about that person's thinking, choices, behaviors, that would otherwise have been considered "normal." As time passes and use increases thoughts of "consequences" become of no consequence. An addict in full bloom lives to use, and uses to live, period. And will go to any length to get the substance wanted and needed. That is a person also who has lost the choice to NOT use, but MUST use. And this is only understood by the addict.

It doesn't really matter what triggers the initial use - physical pain, psychological/mental/emotional/spiritual pain. What matters is removing the person from the source of supply, (whether it's the work setting, bar crowd, back alley gang) and getting he/she the treatment they need and deserve - which is another discussion altogether.

One may not be addicted to drugs, but are you addicted to overeating, sex, the internet, self-multilation, Mediaography, work, co-dependency, shopping, stealing, - as some examples. There are moral/ethical/legal ramifications and consequences to all addictions. Anything that robs you of your freedom to choose the good and right thing to do to live happy, joyous and free can be a form of bondage.

The work begins for you (the addicted one) when you effectively destroy whatever form of denial you are in that keeps you in your prison without bars.

I was one of those persons who always said, "It will never happen to me." And it did happen to me. We are only human beings.

Just sharing some thoughts after having "been there, done that", but free today and grateful to every person who came across my path to help me get well, stay well, and enjoy life like never before.

Thanks for listening.

Bonnie Creighotn,RN, Mental Health Consumer Advocate in Minnesota

[StephMSeattle]

Thank you for sharing this with us! A friend of mine has been in and out of rehab due to a 30 year heroin addiction. I hope that one day he'll be able to say what you've told us here...

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

Wonderful post, Bonnie!

I'm a recovering alcoholic who will celebrate my 12th sobriety birthday on Jan. 1st.

I became a nurse a few years AFTER I stopped drinking. I'd gone through a great many changes after getting sober, and one of those was realizing I needed to do something positive with my life. But before I started college, I went to see the director of my school's nursing program and asked her right off if the board of nursing would have a problem with my being an alcoholic.

Little did I know that I had instantaneously won her admiration and respect with that question. Ten years later, this lady is a mover and shaker at my hospital, and she is still my friend as well. She got me a substitute clinical instructor position with the same school from which I graduated, and to this day never fails to recommend me to her clients as "one of the best nurses our program ever produced".

Well, I don't know about THAT, but I do know that I never would have reached this position in life if I hadn't got sober. I was never the falling-down-drunk-every-day type, but I was a binge drinker.....whether I binged once a year, once a month, or once a week, I drank to get hammered! There are, of course, entire six-month periods of my life that I don't even remember because I was drinking like a fish, and I did enough of it to ensure that my liver enzymes are still somewhat elevated, despite almost a dozen years of sobriety. But the denial was so strong that I honestly believed I had control of the situation right up until my third or fourth visit to AA, when I was boasting about how I could drink a 12-pack of beer before I got a buzz on, and a member said to me, "My God, what do you consider a 'buzz'?"

This subject has been discussed on this BB a number of times, in a number of different ways, and while it sometimes gets out of control because of the passionate emotions it tends to evoke, it's still worth talking about. The stigma is not what it used to be, but it still exists; if shame were the cure for what ails us, there would be NO addicts of any kind, because there will always be those who believe this is a character defect, and that we could stay sober (or clean, or thin, or out of the casino etc.) if we weren't weak-willed and undisciplined.

Thank you, Bonnie, for raising this subject in such an intelligent and informed manner. And congratulations to you for dealing with your own problem!

Yours, in freedom,

Marla

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

Bonnie and Mj, all I can say is, WOW! Both of your posts have enlightened me enormously about addiction, and I truly thank you for being so open with all the rest of us. My brother is a prescription drug addict, and my mother was one. She's no longer living.

Your posts get first prize Hands Down in my book.

Fran:nurse:

[ladytraviler]

Bonnie,

As you said "It will never happen to me."

I was a Paramedic who absolutely despised druggies and drunks. For ten years I held that only the weak and those who were loosers were druggies and drunks. Then the bomb fell. I had four major surgeries in a year and was in physical therapy for 6 months. For every sx, and every 6 weeks, they gave me lorcet. Each script had 3 refills (30 tabs each). For physical therapy they gave me flexaril. I became addicted to them. When I returned to work, I was toasted. The one thing happened that lead to being fired. I tried to kill myself with a combo of lorcet and a half gallon of burbon. My husband forced me into rehab. I wasn't an addict. They were losers. It took untill I was shaking so bad, crying from withdrawl, that I called my husband and told him I was coming home. "I will be waiting for you. I will take you straight back. Then I will file for divorce and take our daughter with me. So make your choice."

That was it for me. I have now been clean 8 years. I know how hard the battle has been. And in many ways still is. I know that I have a defect in my DNA that makes me susseptible to addiction. I did not believe this until a doctor explained it to me.

I think this was God's way of saying "Judge least you be Judged" and I still live by the 12 steps of AA and NA. AND I is still clean. :roll

Kelly