Published Jun 7, 2009
My husband isn't very supportive and he's driving me crazy!!! I was just trying to go over a couple of chapters for my Nutrition class before taking a short quiz (I"m taking this class onlineover the summer) and instead of hitting the link for a dummy quiz I accidentally hit the link for the actual quiz. It had a 10 minute timer and I wasn't prepared and my husband was talking to me and I had to ask him for a minute (or ten) because I had accidentally hit the quiz link. He's all PO'd now and I did crappy on the test because I wasn't ready and I was all flustered because my husband was going around slamming doors. Uggg. Anybody else having to deal with this? It sucks.
It does suck.
Four years ago, I would have been posting that my husband was *the* most supportive and caring. Not today. People change, unfortunately, and I, too have a husband who is unsupportive. While it makes it extra hard (especially with small children)---I just look at it as that much more of a motivating factor.
Next time, if you ask for a few minutes to study/do a quiz and he is rude about it---plainly state that you will not tolerate treatment like that and then go about your studying/quiz. He may be *trying* to get a rise out of you. Remove yourself from the fight.
I also know that there are two sides to every story and I have also contributed, even in subtle ways, to the unhappiness of my marriage and probably the unsupportive attitude of my husband. So, as hard as it is, take a look at yourself, too and try to be the type of spouse that you want HIM to be!
Sorry and keep your chin up.
some days are better than others with mine. some days he can be the most supportive individual in the world, others he's a big old 47 yo whiney baby.
timer method. you set the timer and unless the house is on fire, plumbing is leaking water profusely, mi, broken bones, vomitting or excessive bleeding, drowning, suffocation, etc. it can wait the 30-60 minutes you have set on the timer. use it with children over 3-4 as well.
My husband resented me furthering my education, probably because of his lack of education efforts. He would throw fits until I realized I couldn't study and would quit my classes. Since my education helped me to get promotions, I noted that he liked my larger paychecks, but he did everything to keep me from getting them. I would suggest that you do whatever you need to do to finish your schooling in spite of your husband. You do not want to be trying to do this along with everything else, should something happen and your husband is no longer in the picture.
tfleuter, BSN, RN
Maybe sitting down and having a talk with him after this is blown over would be a good idea. Husbands are allowed to have bad days too and if being cut off was the straw the broke the camels back, then maybe a little forgiveness and understanding is in order.
Since you are taking online classes, I would see if you can schedule specific study time sessions were you can either lock yourself in a room with no distractions or even leave the house if need be. I have found that giving these two aspects of my life the full attention they deserve has worked the best. School time is school time. Family time is family time. The more I try to blend the two, the more each suffers.
Hope you two can see eye to eye and you do better on your next quiz!!
Make studying at the library your routine and leave the whiny man-bot at home to slam his own doors.. :icon_roll
My husband was supportive, but my kids couldn't give me the time I needed when I was home. I would suggest you set routine study hours outside the house. I liked studying in the school library and in the food court at the mall.
sorry, that really does suck. My husband was not very supportive when I was taking my CNA classes, and they were only 2 weeks long!!! Then when he found out I was going to nursing school, initially, he freaked out. He later admitted that he already felt like we did not spend enough time with together already and he did not want to loose me. yea, men can act like babies when they dont get the attention they want. But, sometimes, it is an underlying insecurity. I hope your husband becomes more suportive of your goal. Hopefully, he will realize that you are doing it not only for yourself but for your family.
Virgo_RN, BSN, RN
I don't gather from your description of events that he is necessarily unsupportive of your educational efforts, but that rather, he was irritated at being cut off when he was trying to talk to you. Maybe what he had to say seemed important to him, and that you weren't able to actively listen made him feel badly.
I think it's important to set some boundaries and set aside specific chunks of time that your husband will know you are not available to him because you have to study. Make sure that he has advance notice of when these times are going to be. Involve him in planning study times so that they fit with your home life. If it's too hard to study at home because of interruptions and distractions, then go study at the library or the coffee house.
I actually had a similar experience during the spring. I was taking my psychology class online, so I was sitting on the couch taking a full on chapter test. Of course, they're timed so I was in full concentration.
My husband had a habit of coming in and talking to me while I was watching the televised portion of the class, but it's no big deal, I can pause it. It's annoying to be interrupted, but sometimes he gets excited about something and wants to share it with me.
Well during this test I felt a little pressure because there were some oddly worded questions that I had to reread (several times!). In walks the husband and starts talking - I "shushed" him and put up a finger-
Boy, you would have thought I flipped him off and told him to ef off! He was immediately not only hurt but totally ******. I told him I don't have time to fight, I'm taking a test, come back later and we can yell it out if he really wants. He walked to the other room and closed the door.
Later, he apologized, I apologized. He didn't know I was taking a test, so our reactions were quick and irrational. After that I made it abundantly clear when I needed an hour or so of complete concentration and it wasn't an issue.
As far as overall support, my husband is apprehensive. Although I am working full time now while taking prereqs he worries that my nursing school plans are part of some diabolical scheme to become a professional student for life, the permanent 30-something benefactor of his hard work (more like his daughter than his wife, etc etc)...
But, he knows that's not really true - it's just a worry and we all have them. I'm just glad he could express it to me so we can talk about how silly it is - I am working and saving money for that time period when I'll be in school. So, he's still apprehensive, but he's not unsupportive...
Thanks for the input everybody! I appreciate it :)
CrufflerJJ, BSN, RN, EMT-P
as far as overall support, my husband is apprehensive. although i am working full time now while taking prereqs he worries that my nursing school plans are part of some diabolical scheme to become a professional student for life, the permanent 30-something benefactor of his hard work (more like his daughter than his wife, etc etc)...
"diabolical scheme" - i love it!
sorry, but i don't have any complaints about my wife of 13 years in regards to my nursing prereqs & schooling (not many complaints at all, actually). she was a big part of my decision to drop a 22 year engineering career & pursue nursing. she was always great about letting me do my school work in peace when needed. i'd let her know ahead of time when i was prepping for a test or doing a test online, so she could "manage" our 2 kids. it worked out pretty well.
i tried to do as much stuff during my "off" days to help her out, and she helped me during my "on" days.
it's all about mutual support & communication. i'm very lucky.
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