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Unsupportive fiance'

Posted

Specializes in inerested in school nursing, peds, OR. Has 1/2 years experience.

My fiancé and I have been arguing for the last few days about wether I should get my ADN or BSN. I want to get my BSN obviously, and I got accepted to the program of my choice. I also got accepted to an ADN program. He argues that I should choose the ADN program because its closer, cheaper, and faster. The cc is about 20 minutes away vs my school of choice which is an hr away. I live in the Houston area and most hospitals require a BSN, and besides that I just want my BSN. I will be the only person in my family with a degree and I will just feel more accomplished. My fiancé is only worried about how long it is going to take me, nothing more. He doesn't understand that hospitals prefer BSNs even though I've told him, and even showed him articles, post on here, etc. he just says "well why would they have a nursing program that you won't be able to get a job from?" And things like that. Any advice on how to convince him my BSN is a better route? Or am I being unrealistic by driving and hr to a more expensive school? Any thoughts will be appreciated!

Thanks!!!

Kdrenee

Specializes in inerested in school nursing, peds, OR. Has 1/2 years experience.

Unsupportive oops

I would try to explain that having the Bsn is not absolutely necessary at this time, but in the future it will most likely be. So you can get it all done now, so you can start your post nursing school life sooner opposed to way later. Also, tell him how important it is to you, and that you would feel you were selling yourself short going with the adn route.

Wrench Party

Specializes in Cardiology, Cardiothoracic Surgical. Has 3 years experience.

Being super practical, I would sit down and compute the cost of the two programs and compare them. Include cost

of tuition and fees, books, gas, car maintenance, insurance, etc. If you work, compute the lost wages going through

both programs.

After I did this, I decided it was actually more cost effective for me to enter a BSN program at the local state university

than at the local community college, as far as time. That, and I already have a Bachelor's in another field, and wasn't

impressed with having to go back again to school after the ADN.

SNB1014, RN

Specializes in Critical Care. Has 8 years experience.

I just graduated from alvin and we have a partnership with utmb that you can start their BSN classes in your second year ,sorta like a trade for I believe management and ethics. And you can get a job with a adn but it wont be in the med center. Many friends of mine work for the satellite campuses of memorial hermann, fyi

Kdrenee

Specializes in inerested in school nursing, peds, OR. Has 1/2 years experience.

Thanks everyone!! It's just so annoying, he won't listen at all! I will try your suggestions!

kathylorr

Specializes in med/surg. Has 5 years experience.

I think you should be concerned about your fiance's lack of support with your dreams. Why is he so eager for you to get a job as soon as possible-financial necessity or fear of losing control if you are farther away?

Kathy

llg, PhD, RN

Specializes in Nursing Professional Development. Has 44 years experience.

I think you should be concerned about your fiance's lack of support with your dreams. Why is he so eager for you to get a job as soon as possible-financial necessity or fear of losing control if you are farther away?

Kathy

Is he going to be this unsupportive of you after you are married? Should you be marrying a guy who won't listen to you?

I'm not saying that you should definitely NOT marry him ... but these are things to think about. As you go to school and have a professional career, you may grow apart. It doesn't sound as if he is going to react well to your increased education and earning power. I have known couples that split apart as the wife rises in her career and the husband doesn't. Is his unsupportive attitude a preview of trouble to come?

Kdrenee

Specializes in inerested in school nursing, peds, OR. Has 1/2 years experience.

No guys it's not like that at all! We are just in a rough spot financially and he doesn't want my school to make it worse if it doesn't have to. He 100% supports my decision to become a nurse and get an education. We're just also trying to buy a house, pay for a wedding, and also his mother just had a stroke so we've been dealing with that as well. I guess I should've worded it differently. He is a good fiancé and will be a good husband. He just knows there RN-BSN programs and other options. I'm just not wanting to wait for my BSN bc I don't want to be stuck without a job, and I just want my BSN. Also, were trying to pay for it out of pocket as much as possible. I've got a few scholorships and in still applying for more. We're just looking at the situation differently. He's worried about now, and I'm worried about the futures guess. :/

3.5 years with prerequisites for ADN or 4 years for BSN: the choice is clear! I am getting an ADN and regret I didn't start BSN instead. Will continue to work on BSN.

I agree with your fiancé. The RN-BSN programs can be done online and the ADN gets you through quicker; the BSN after RN still gets you a bachelors.

Kdrenee

Specializes in inerested in school nursing, peds, OR. Has 1/2 years experience.

3.5 years with prerequisites for ADN or 4 years for BSN: the choice is clear! I am getting an ADN and regret I didn't start BSN instead. Will continue to work on BSN.

Yea that's how I'm looking at it. Same amount of time basically.

Kdrenee

Specializes in inerested in school nursing, peds, OR. Has 1/2 years experience.

I agree with your fiancé. The RN-BSN programs can be done online and the ADN gets you through quicker; the BSN after RN still gets you a bachelors.

I see your point, and his, but my school has a lot of online classes anyways. Idk, I'm sure either choice would work out fine, I just was so excited to get accepted to my BSN program, and had already made up my mind about it. When I told him, he just kind of busted my bubble. He could be right about the financial part though. Maybe I'm being silly about it. Maybe he is right.

Thanks for your reply!

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD

Specializes in Critical Care, Education. Has 35 years experience.

I hate to interject any negativity here - but here goes . . .

It's wonderful that you have a loving relationship & are planning on being married. However, statistically, there is a very good chance that you will eventually end up needing to support yourself. No one can predict the future, and you need to be realistic. The resentment you would harbor (if you went with his preference for ADN) could also undermine your relationship in the long run. The BSN will pay off in a very short time with job opportunities and career advancement.

A compromise is undoubtedly the way to go. Since it is your decision, it is only fair that you should make funding arrangements for school that do not involve any contribution (or future obligations) from your fiance. It would be very unfair/disrespectful to expect him to help pay for something that he "doesn't want".

Kdrenee

Specializes in inerested in school nursing, peds, OR. Has 1/2 years experience.

Oh he won't have any future obligations. My parents and I are taking care of that.

Wrench Party

Specializes in Cardiology, Cardiothoracic Surgical. Has 3 years experience.

Oh, well if he's not paying for it, then I don't really see what the big deal is in the decision-making process.

BSN it is.

Kdrenee

Specializes in inerested in school nursing, peds, OR. Has 1/2 years experience.

Well just because he's not paying for it doesn't it mean it won't affect him financially, but yeah your right, he's not paying for it so I guess it's not his decision at all.

I had the same struggle as you deciding between ADN or BSN. BSN was my dream, but financially ADN would have to be a stepping stone. And my husband did have alot to do with that decision. In fact, I wasted two years of my life just trying to get the pre-reqs done just because we couldn't afford for me to quit working so much! I have seen younger cousins of mine finish their BSN in the time it has taken me to get here and I wish, wish, wish that I could turn back time, buckle down, and go for my dream. It's just a temporary sacrifice for such a big payoff and I wish my husband would have been willing to do whatever it took to help me reach my dreams. In NO WAY am I comparing my life to yours, only you and your husband can make such an important decision together. This is just my point of view. Good luck with whichever you choose! P.S. (My husband and I are currently getting divorced...for many reasons, but not being high on his list of priorities was a big one!!) Ok, non-relevant rant over :)