Ughhhhhh I'm being bullied at work.

NP2BE · Jan 28, 2006

Can I still get the computer documentation even if my boss told me not to??

I would, what would be the harm. i cant see nay reason not to and I cant see that you would get in trouble for getting lpaperwork unless there is a specific policy against it.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Jan 28, 2006

There is a another nurse on our unit who is 'queen bee' and is on my heels constantly. She is nasty, and this week I found out that she was telling boldface lies, saying I dont do my work, instead logging on to the internet for two hours a day! I immediately called tech support to get logs of computer activity, but my boss told me not to. I was surprised because those logs would PROVE she is a liar, and she should be disciplined for that kind of behaviour. The boss said I was over reacting...but I am tired of the bullying. I have heard her threaten to choke one of the assistants, and even the patients have mentioned her nasty ways. The nursing students won't go near her. However, the head of the dept said it was up to me to clear things up. I didn't feel like I had support in this. I DREAD going to work now, where once I loved it. I have the option of moving to another unit, which I am going to do. But I just cannot believe how the management allows this to continue, without the slightest repercussion! Any advice?

If she is truly making verbal threats, I would carry a concealed audio tape recorder and catch her in the act.

Town & Country · Jan 28, 2006

It's kindof odd to me that your boss says YOU will have to handle it, yet she says you are "overreacting" and shouldn't get proof that you haven't been playing on the internet.

Undecided7 · Jan 28, 2006

I get that the poster is NOT in a supervisor role over this other nurse- just a fellow co-worker. I agree that the poster needs to keep documentation and continue to provide write-ups and written documentation to management- as well as provide copies to herself, human resources, and administration- especially if her manager does not make an effort to improve the situation such as providing counseling to the offending nurse. If her boss is unable or unwilling to address the problem, then ABSOLUTELY go UP THE CHAIN OF COMMAND. Maybe the old "queen bee" and manager are old buddies? I've seen it happen.... :uhoh21:

Town & Country · Jan 28, 2006

Excellent, just an excellent post.

Dealing with some of the barracudas who are nurses really is a learned skill.

Dalzac, LPN, LVN, RN · Jan 28, 2006

I hate bullies. Many years ago when I was a CCU Tech in ICU I had a charge nurse that hated me and I never knew why. She was always saying horrible nasty things to me, away from the rest of the staff and would call me a liar if I said anything to anybody about it. It was a very hard battle to fight considering she had the license and I didn't. This was back in the day when you had 1 RN to charge, 1 LPN to pass meds and 3 techs to do Patient care. It was a 12 bed unit 1 tech had to do house EKG's and usually got the lighter load. I was on EKG that night and when she handed out assignments she gave me 6 patients and 3 of them had q 15 min vital signs (also before automatic NIBP machines as well) I told her there was no way I could do the ekg's and this assignments and she just said tough. The other 2 techs offered to take some of me patients or the ekg's. She told them no that was my assignment and I would do it. I guess I had just gotten sick of the way she treated me and told her no I was not taking that assignment and quit right there I clocked out and went home. My director called me as soon I hit the house and asked me why? I just told her I was not cut out for hospital work. The truth was I loved working in ICU The next day the director called me and asked me to come in and talk to her and if I did she would give me a good letter of recommendation to work at another hospital in CCU. So I came in. The other techs told her what happened and the nurse was put on probation. Later she started the same thing on those techs and was fired. I got a job at another hospital riding on their mobile coronary care unit. I still work at that hospital and have been there for 30 yrs. That place paid for me to go to nursing school and is home for me still.

The best advice I can give you is never ever talk to her alone always have a witness with you if she tries just ask her to follow you and find another person to hear her and document document document.Walk away from her the minute she starts.

pugmum · Jan 28, 2006

Document, document, document. Also document your boss's response. Then go to your employee relations department, your union (if you have one), and your boss's boss. Having to deal with nasty coworkers is so discouraging, particularly when it seems you are already working so hard. This kind of stress you don't need. Its not fair to you. Don't give up and good luck to you.

LPN1974, LPN · Jan 28, 2006

If she is truly making verbal threats, I would carry a concealed audio tape recorder and catch her in the act.

This could be against the law. Better to consult an attorney before doing that.

nialloh, RN · Jan 28, 2006

You might also keep a chronological account. This is you have a notebook and write everything down as it happens. Start now. Write everything down to date (and date it as of now), then write everything down as it happens. Time and date them as you write them. You will then not have to rely on your memory, and it will have a lot of power with a judge.

And trust me, when your bosses see this, they will take it very seriously. It is usually a precursor to a lawsuit.

Meerkat · Jan 29, 2006

I know you are not going to want to hear this, but you are as guity of allowing this to continue as well as management. You are an RN. That means you have some duty and obligation to practice some supervision and leadership over other caregivers. Part of the problem here is that you do not know what to do. The answer here is that you need to learn what to do. Transferring to another unit is only shoving the problem under the carpet. It will rear it's head again in the future with another employee in another place. You still won't know how to deal with it. Let me give you some advice since you did ask.
You have to confront this nurse. Prepare ahead of time first. I'd address this business of her telling lies about you. If you know what she has been saying then you want to address her about what she is saying. I worked with an LPN who used to talk about me behind my back all the time. I just took her aside during a quite moment and told her that I had been hearing that she was saying (1) this, (2) this, and (3) this about me. "Is it true? Why are you saying those things?" I asked her. You see, this forces the person to talk these issues over with you. It gave me a chance to explain my side of what she was interpreting as my goofing off. I ended the conversation by clearly telling her that if she had a complaint about something she felt I was doing wrong that I wanted her to come and talk to me and not tell everyone else on the unit. It is important to keep your voice level and as friendly as possible even though these are very emotionally charged discussions--especially the first time you do it. This leaves the door open for you to step in immediately if you hear her saying something new about you. Again, you take her aside and tell her that now you are hearing her saying (1) this. What gives? It took 3 of these encounters with my nemesis LPN before I finally got her to stop. Or, at least she only talked to those who she could trust not to blabb what she said. Some of these kinds of people are tenacious and you have to be just as persistant with them. I also told other people on my unit, individually, that I was aware she was talking about me and I asked them (this is where you educate your staff) to please stop her when she did this and tell her she really needs to come and see me about her complaint. You see, if this kind of person doesn't have a sympathetic ear who is listening to her, then she has no one to talk to.
The first time you confront someone who is disagreeable, it is difficult. But, like any other nursing skill, I promise, it gets easier as you do it more and more. Always keep in mind that we must treat others respectfully, even when they don't extend us the same courtesy. Believe me, they'll remember someone who was nasty back to them and we don't need that! Once you've opened the communication door with this person, it is quite easy to pull her aside and tell her "there's a rumor going around that you threatened to choke one of the assistants, is that true?" Extend her the courtesy of listening to her side of this. As a supervisor you owe her that fairness.
With regard to her threatening to harm another this should be nipped in the bud immediately. "I heard you tell XXX that you were going to choke her." Give her a chance to explain. Maybe she was kidding? If not, "You can't say that to another employee. I'm going to have to report this." Something like that usually should result in automatic disciplinary action if not termination. One of the realities of supervision is that you have to do the paperwork and document incidences like this. No one gets fired without the proper written documentation in their personnel file. Remember a long time ago when life was fine and you just passed the buck? Guess what, the buck now makes a stop with you now. Time to learn to stand up to problems and deal with them because there is no one else to pass them on to. This is the leadership part of nursing that a lot of people would just rather ignore. But, you can't or chaos will reign.
When talking doesn't help, then you have to start doing written documentation in order to put the official disciplinary process into action. It sounds like you have the backing of the head of your department. That is good. Feel free to ask them for advice on how to handle disciplinary problems. However, keep after this person. Never assume that they know the "rules". Re-read about the disciplinary process in your nursing leadership textbook. When you confront someone you always include a statement to them about what behavior of theirs that needs to be changed (no more gossiping about me, or come to me with any concern you have about me). This is how you set limits with them. She'll either waver and pull back on her mouthiness or with any luck, go somewhere else to work.

Thanks for the info. I am not a supervisor. She has been there 4 months longer than me, but we do not have 'charge nurses'...neither one of us is the other's superior.

We hashed it out with our boss. The boss told me it was up to me to clear it up. How can I clear it up when I can't get those records? I am not getting the support I need, and will be going to HR. In the meantime, I am not going to work with her, it's just setting me up for more false accusations!

mart18642 · Jan 29, 2006

If she is truly making verbal threats, I would carry a concealed audio tape recorder and catch her in the act.

I have experienced being bullied and ridicule in front of other co-workers at this hospital I WAS WORKING (in a med-surge floor) in Milton, Fla. I'm bi lingual(understand not just language but four, write 2) and I do have an accent......never in my life( ive been in the USA since I was 14 years old) felt different until I started working there. At the beginning it was ok, I thought she was just joking, but then I started to feel uncomfortable and I asked her nicely to stop......she continue...this was NOT A JOKE....SHE PUT ME DOWN ALSO WHEN NO one was around also( told me to go back home or relearn to speak english......that was minor)...........then I decided to talk to the nurse manager..........and she asked me who.....I felt bad to tell her because she had 3 children to support and I did not think they would do anything because of other instances ....Then all of the sudden, I was sent to another floor.................I did ask to get transferred, but not to that specific floor........and they made my life a living hell, after that.......don't know what they were afraid of...but was not the same after I told the nurse manager the situation....they tried me to set me up so I will quit............and finally after feeling so unsafe.........I quit.....it was hard for me because I this was the first hospital I worked after I moved from Jax, Fla.

Now I m so glad I took this move, even when it was in bad terms............

I should have done something to this individual.......but I figure...........may be working somewhere else I will get a better response............and I did.

MartRN

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Jan 30, 2006

Thanks for the info. I am not a supervisor. She has been there 4 months longer than me, but we do not have 'charge nurses'...neither one of us is the other's superior.
We hashed it out with our boss. The boss told me it was up to me to clear it up. How can I clear it up when I can't get those records? I am not getting the support I need, and will be going to HR. In the meantime, I am not going to work with her, it's just setting me up for more false accusations!

I don't understand. What is up to you to clear up--this business about hanging out on the Internet? Why are you stirring up trouble over it? I understand that you feel you must defend your reputation, but you are calling a lot of attention to yourself. If you didn't do anything wrong then there is nothing to worry about. Let this dummy be the one to look like the fool. If her claim can't be backed up with proof, she only looks foolish and the boss will realize she is a troublemaker. I can tell you from a supervision and management position that when one employee has a complaint against another employee and there is no proof of the claim, nothing happens except both are usually verbally counseled. She would be told to get proof of any future claims. You would be told that IF you were doing what she said, you need to stop. That's it. You don't have to prove anything. One person's word against another with something like this doesn't hold a lot of weight. If someone (your boss) wants to discipline you then she will get any documentation and records from computer services to back up the claim or you insist that she do that, but not until it becomes an issue that is going to affect disciplinary action against you. Until then, just go about your business of being a staff nurse. What I see is an employee having a tantrum because she can't get what she wants.

Based on what I've read that you posted, I would interpret that there are interpersonal problems between you and this other nurse. Remember, I am only basing what I say on what you have told me. I see two people acting childishly. I would not get too involved in it other than to advise you, as I did earlier, how to confront this person. That is the correct assertive position for you to take. Also, I don't know what the other person has said to the manager about you, so I don't know much about her. I do know, however, that both of you are going to expend a lot of energy fighting against each other which is non-productive. I'm going to watch you two. The minute I get proof that you or her is causing upset to the running of the unit, there will be counseling and discipline. To tell you the truth, as the manager, I'd want both off my unit. Both are causing trouble. You don't know that other people haven't gone to the boss with similar complaints about this other nurse. And, the boss is most likely not going to tell you if anyone has--confidentiality issues.

In my first weeks of nursing school I was told that as RNs we were supervisor and managers. Not necessarily in an official capacity, such as a job title, but nonetheless we are responsible for supervising and managing the care of the patients in our charge as well as the unit on which we work when we are the one physically present with the highest rank. That includes dealing with other staff members above, at or below our own level. I recommend that you take a seminar in dealing with difficult people when one comes along. This time it's someone who is on the same level as you giving you a hard time. Next time it might be someone who is an underling. But, as I said before, this will come up again and again in your life whether it be on the job or in your personal life. Learning to deal with difficult people is a skill like any other nursing procedure. Your frustration is coming from the fact that you don't recognize that you are lacking the skill to deal with it, or that you even have the power to do something about it. I'm telling you that you do. This problem takes some brain muscle and thinking skills to solve rather than the dexterity of your hands and fingers. Go to leadership and communications textbooks because the skills to deal with this problem person will be found there. Most nursing students never have the opportunity to handle a problem like this with a nursing instructor at their side. So, what generally happens is that a situation arises in a work situation and you are kind of left to solve the problem without an instructor's support. I'm a little surprised your boss didn't give you the advice I did, but I don't know what her level of preparation for being a manager is. She may be in the process of learning how to deal with this kind of situation herself.

I understand how upset you must be with this whole situation. I have been in very similar situations to this myself over the years, but I've had the last 30 years to learn how to deal with it. I left a very good job early in my career because of another employee who I couldn't get along with. I often look back and regret that decision. I didn't recognize that my frustration was coming from not knowing how to confront this other person. It wasn't helping that it seemed to me like my boss was "on her side". I demanded a meeting and got one with my head nurse and one of the big shot nursing coordinators, a right hand person to the hospital director of nursing. I ranted and raved against the other employee during that meeting and before it was over I had pretty much maneuvered myself into a corner where I had to resign. I look back at that and realize that I was outsmarted by a very clever big shot leader who knew she was dealing with a difficult person (me) and saw an opportunity to get me out of the way and very nicely danced me over to that corner I felt I couldn't get out of. Knowing what I know about supervising people now, I'm sure she also found a way to dispense with my nemesis, who by the way was an LVN, not an RN the same as me. Two problems solved. Today, I know exactly how I should have handled that. I am not kidding when I say this kind of situation will come up again. It did for me, almost like the nursing gods were taunting me with it. I started by taking a one day seminar in how to deal with difficult people and the answers to all my problems were there at that seminar. I was astonished to learn that there are strategies to deal with disagreeable people that will work. Not only that, but I was at least 50% part of the problem as well. It's your turn now. As a very seasoned RN who started out my career with a attitude and a big mouth to match it, I am telling you that you have been presented with an opportunity to grow and learn some new skills here that are only going to make you a better professional and valued employee. There may be some painful realities about yourself that you have to deal with, but that is part of the experience of learning to grow into a better person. It was very painful for me to be told not once, but a number of times, that I had the wrong attitude and that I talked too much. But, I eventually "got it". I hope you take the initiative to learn and grow from this. I am not kidding here, walking away from it is only delaying or ignoring the problem. It will visit you again. Good luck to you. I really, really wish you well. I'd be interested to know how things turn out.