Triage complaints- the good, the bad, and the shocking.

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"I was raped by an octopus."

"I have severe, severe, severe, SEVERE, SEVERE cold sores!" (five severes, I counted. And one cold sore visible.)

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"Attacked by a toad"

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Specializes in Emergency.
Today a man came in and his concern was: "my member got a little bit larger than normal last evening for a few minutes."[/quote']

"Sir, that's called an erection." Preferably with a straight face.

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Specializes in ED, trauma.
"Attacked by a toad"

Hey. That is real. And it is scary. They hang out on my porch and I swear it feels like I'm having a mini AMI every time they jump on me as I go in the house. Never made it to the ED, but have had to catch my breath after doing the "bob and weave" to avoid those creepy things!

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Specializes in ER, Addictions, Geriatrics.

Hey. That is real. And it is scary. They hang out on my porch and I swear it feels like I'm having a mini AMI every time they jump on me as I go in the house. Never made it to the ED, but have had to catch my breath after doing the "bob and weave" to avoid those creepy things!

One of our medics told us about a call she had been to several years ago in involving a squirrel. A man was driving down a country road and a squirrel dropped into his open car window as he was slowing down. Both the driver and squirrel were equally panicked so the squirrel started scratching the crap out of the man's face!!

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A patient came in through triage c/o cold and flu like symptoms....even after I explained there was an extensive wait and he would be seen faster by his local GP he insisted on waiting...true to his word he sat there for nearly 4hrs

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Specializes in ED, trauma.

One of our medics told us about a call she had been to several years ago in involving a squirrel. A man was driving down a country road and a squirrel dropped into his open car window as he was slowing down. Both the driver and squirrel were equally panicked so the squirrel started scratching the crap out of the man's face!!

Hahhaha. I had a friend as a child who had nursed an injured/abandoned baby squirrel back to health and the squirrel would visit their back porch from time to time....unfortunately, I was not aware of this and I ended up with a few scratches on my shoulder from an eager and friendly squirrel visitor. Completely unintentional but still shocking and painful.

I feel bad for that guy. I know how painful those scratches can be. I don't get why critters love to meet people and the bit ends up terrifying both parties! Scared human, scared critter, chaos and panic will commence!

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Specializes in Emergency.

Mid 20s F. "You gave this black stuff to drink a couple of months ago when i took too many pills, now i think i'm pregnant". All righty then...

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Specializes in ER, Addictions, Geriatrics.

Hahhaha. I had a friend as a child who had nursed an injured/abandoned baby squirrel back to health and the squirrel would visit their back porch from time to time....unfortunately, I was not aware of this and I ended up with a few scratches on my shoulder from an eager and friendly squirrel visitor. Completely unintentional but still shocking and painful.

I feel bad for that guy. I know how painful those scratches can be. I don't get why critters love to meet people and the bit ends up terrifying both parties! Scared human, scared critter, chaos and panic will commence!

I definitely have a healthy fear of birds after too many close encounters with birds of all types as a child. Lol.

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Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
One of our medics told us about a call she had been to several years ago in involving a squirrel. A man was driving down a country road and a squirrel dropped into his open car window as he was slowing down. Both the driver and squirrel were equally panicked so the squirrel started scratching the crap out of the man's face!!

I had a friend years ago who was headed somewhere with her hubby, so they pulled through a drive thru and got some lunch. They stopped in a park to eat in their car. When they were through, he pulled the car up to a garbage can (the kind with a flap for a lid) and she disposed of their garbage. Apparently a squirrel had been trapped in the garbage can for who knows how long, and this was its moment of escape. It launched itself out of the garbage can, straight into their car. She described it as "like it was possessed." It made several loops around the car. My friend is frantically trying to exit, but her car door is up against the garbage can. Finally husband pulled forward and she was able to escape but it took them a while to get the deranged rodent out of their car. Oh, if only someone had been filming it!

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Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
Mid 20s F. "You gave this black stuff to drink a couple of months ago when i took too many pills, now i think i'm pregnant". All righty then...

How dare you impregnate her with that black stuff! Obviously it was sperm.

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Specializes in ER, Addictions, Geriatrics.

I had a friend years ago who was headed somewhere with her hubby, so they pulled through a drive thru and got some lunch. They stopped in a park to eat in their car. When they were through, he pulled the car up to a garbage can (the kind with a flap for a lid) and she disposed of their garbage. Apparently a squirrel had been trapped in the garbage can for who knows how long, and this was its moment of escape. It launched itself out of the garbage can, straight into their car. She described it as "like it was possessed." It made several loops around the car. My friend is frantically trying to exit, but her car door is up against the garbage can. Finally husband pulled forward and she was able to escape but it took them a while to get the deranged rodent out of their car. Oh, if only someone had been filming it!

I just spit my coffee out when I read that. Horror movie material.

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Specializes in ER, Addictions, Geriatrics.

I just spit my coffee out when I read that. Horror movie material.

Also, someone came in last eve because they had been sprayed by a skunk and didn't know if they were toxic or not.

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