Treating residents/patients like idiots

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While I was doing CNA clinicals, I've found that so many people talk to elderly people like they're idiots. I'm talking about the people who use excruciatingly s-l-o-w, simple speech in a loud tone while speaking about 6 inches from their faces, even if they're not hard of hearing or demented, and repeating themselves and asking "O-o-o-kay?" every 5 seconds. I certainly wouldn't like being talked to like that. It reminds me of when insensitive people are talking to foreigners by talking very loudly and slowly while pantomining, even if the foreigner can speak the language. It also irritates me when people feign absolute surprise and adoration when talking to children, making ostentatious gasps and extolling for the simplest things. I talk to all patients respectfully and clearly, only resorting to slow speech at a high volume when it's clear that they can't understand me. Has anyone else witnessed such behavior?

Specializes in LDRP; Education.

Wow. I never refer to my patients as "hon, sweetheart," nor would I want to be addressed as such.

Do people refer to doctors as such?

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Specializes in Family.

Q. said Wow. I never refer to my patients as "hon, sweetheart," nor would I want to be addressed as such.

Do people refer to doctors as such?

Actually, I have an the RARE occasion that they tick me off, lol!! In general speech, I use those types of words all the time not even meaning to.

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I do admit though, it is difficult for people to remember that these people were/are productive citizens- some with really interesting lives. When I did clinical at a very ritzy nursing home, the staff life specialist had done up these posters in each room- they described the patients former occupation, family, and many had photos of them as younger selves, doing activites they enjoyed. It was great to see these, and reallyt sparked some talk, helped me to see many patients with alzheimers and constant repetitive behavior and speech as a "real person"

Some of them have amazing stories!

During my care home days I had a lady that was forgetful to the point she forgot where she was. She couldn't find her room, she was really declining.

One day we were talking and she told me that she was an alcoholic. She went on to tell me that she was a medical office manager most of her life and she almost lost her job due to her drinking. She started attending AA meetings and she ended up with some position within the AA community on a state level. She was THE first female EVER to hold a state level job regarding the AA community. Happens to be that I had an employee that I really liked a great deal but I knew he had a drinking problem. He wasn't drinking at work, but I still knew he had a drinking problem. I asked if she would mind talking to him. Her eyes lit up and she said yes, absolutely.

I sent him in there to talk to her and long story short, she whipped his butt in shape, taught him a thing or two, helped him get on the right track before things were out of hand and you could tell, she was the happiest I had ever seen her. Yeah, I know... unusual and it sounds very unprofessional but it really wasn't. We were quite close, he needed someone like her (tough) and she needed to be needed. It worked out quite well.

Later she admitted she really missed working with newbie alcoholics. I talked to her son and he agreed to try something. With her full permission, of course, we had a phone installed in her room and she took emergency calls from alcoholics that needed someone to talk to. They didn't have her exact number, I don't recall the details anymore but they would call an answering service and the call would be forwarded to her during the hours she wanted to accept calls. It was a volunteer position. She would call the answering service and tell them she would be accepting calls from "X" time to "X" time. She was totally in control.

Finally, she had a job and a useful purpose. She went from declining to the point she couldn't remember what she had for breakfast to being a person with an important job and let me tell you! She was mighty good at it too. She perked up, she was once again aware of what was happening around her, she was capable, on top of everything... it was a huge mega change. I was so proud of her. She was an amazingly lady.

When she died a few years later it was truely a huge loss to the AA community.

She also taught me a great deal. I was quite young at the time and not overly bright. :) I was a newbie nurse thrown in a position of admin. I broke rules and did things that wouldn't seem appropriate but you know what? Now that I've been a nurse for over 20 years and I look back on those days, I did the right thing. I learned from her that just because someone is declining that doesn't mean the end of their lives. Sometimes they are just sad, lonely, need to be needed, and if you give them purpose they suddenly make a huge turn around and they really come back to life. I'm not saying that is the case with everyone but for some that's what they need.

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Wow. I never refer to my patients as "hon, sweetheart," nor would I want to be addressed as such.

Do people refer to doctors as such?

All the time. Older folks refer to docs that way a great deal.

My Dad was one that would call females honey or sweetheart and he never once meant anything bad by it. It wasn't sexist, it wasn't anything. Truth is, he usually couldn't remember their name and instead of asking them their names each time he saw them he would refer to them as Honey.

People grew up during different times 50-75 years ago. Things didn't have to be so PC and women didn't mind being called "honey" because the intent wasn't bad. But then, those were also the days when a gentleman could open the door for a lady without getting his butt chewed too. He wasn't lectured on how women can open their own doors, etc.

I miss those days.

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Specializes in Hemodialysis, Home Health.

People grew up during different times 50-75 years ago. Things didn't have to be so PC and women didn't mind being called "honey" because the intent wasn't bad. But then, those were also the days when a gentleman could open the door for a lady without getting his butt chewed too. He wasn't lectured on how women can open their own doors, etc.

I miss those days.

Amen !!!

And it's still this way in many of the smaller commumnities, and we LIKE it that way. PCness has gone overboard, IMO.

And I refuse to allow PCness to dictate how I relate to my patients.

When folks here (staff OR patients) say "hon", "dear", "sweetie", etc.... it is because they/we really MEAN it. It is NEVER used in a disrespectful, demeaning, or dehumanizing way. If they/we didn't MEAN it, they/we wouldn't USE it.

Bipley... EXCELLENT POST !!! :balloons:

Thank you for sharing.. heartwarming and encouraging indeed! :)

I, too, always attempt to imagine the person as they might have been years ago... inquire about their past employments, take a genuine interest in their lives before illness.... it helps so much to remember that these are REAL individuals just like you and me.

Not just lumped together as "the elderly". :stone

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Wow. I never refer to my patients as "hon, sweetheart," nor would I want to be addressed as such.

Do people refer to doctors as such?

Oh yes, All of our Doctors, male and female have been referred to as: Honey, Sugar, Dearest, and I occasionally call the male ones "Sir" (and I am from the never wore a nursing cap generation.) It really is in common usage here.

Of course, we have Physicians who are fairly relaxed- one kept us all entertained last night singing bad songs from the 1970's....

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Wow. I never refer to my patients as "hon, sweetheart," nor would I want to be addressed as such.

Do people refer to doctors as such?

I am a person. I am an indvidual. Anyone who addresses me as sweetie, hon or any other term of supposed endearment gets ignored by me. My name is on my chart and you get it during report, as well as it being placed in my room. You want my respect, as your patient, then start treating me with respect, including proper use of my name. And if I am confused, what makes you think I will respond better to being called hon or sweetie? Not on the best day of your life. It is not a term of respect and unless you are a loved one of mine, it certainly is not a term of endearment.

And any physician who calls me sweetie also gets ignored.

Grannynurse:balloons:

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When I originally trained in LTC, the creepy girl who taught me kept referring to the residents as "them." I found it dehumanizing. It was very clear to me she thought of "them" as different from the rest of the world. I would like to evetually see pts occasionally referred to, when individual names are not possible, as "our guests." I think it could really change how we see them. I do not mind an occasional sweetheart or whatever. I once wrote an entire essay (long gone) on how to talk to older people, including people with dementia, so I am pretty passionate about the subject. To people who snarl, "Talk to them just like anyone else!" I would suggest that communication is a fairly complex skill, learned (internalized) before many are conscious of how complex it is; speaking to an elderly person with compassion and conscious intent can lead us to greater compassion and better intent. (Whew! That's my rant for the day). There is a customer service book called Customer Service for Dummies that helped me a lot, and there is an essay on dementia called "Using illogic logic in dementia care" by Susan Hart. It may be on the net somewhere.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.
Wow. I never refer to my patients as "hon, sweetheart," nor would I want to be addressed as such.

Do people refer to doctors as such?

There's a cafeteria worker where I work that calls everyone, doctors, nurses, housekeerpers, "baby", "sweetie", etc.

But for the most part, no we don't speak to each other that way.

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Actually, I was referring to some of the other people in clinicals, as well as the teen volunteers who would come around. Most of the staff were pretty respectful and would converse with the residents in their normal voices, repeating or slowing down as needed. It's one thing to slow down your speech a little bit to give time for your words to be understood. It's another thing to sound like a voice recording played at half speed while deliberately using broken English. My point is better illustrated by this comic.

My nursing instructor is the model I use for conversing with patients and residents. She always treated the residents with dignity, and was a great conversationalist. She spoke German, Spanish, and English, and could always brighten someone's day. She didn't slow down as much as she simply emphasized. There was nothing fake or insultingly obsequious about her manner of speaking.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.
I am a person. I am an indvidual. Anyone who addresses me as sweetie, hon or any other term of supposed endearment gets ignored by me. My name is on my chart and you get it during report, as well as it being placed in my room. You want my respect, as your patient, then start treating me with respect, including proper use of my name. And if I am confused, what makes you think I will respond better to being called hon or sweetie? Not on the best day of your life. It is not a term of respect and unless you are a loved one of mine, it certainly is not a term of endearment.

And any physician who calls me sweetie also gets ignored.

Grannynurse:balloons:

You're very entitled to your opinion. I'm sure your ignoring people or asking them to call you by name works for you.

I automatically respect my patients and treat them with respect. I'm not trying to earn their respect if after intimate care and establishing a rapport I say "hon or sweetie". I often get called sweetie by patients too. Especially when I go above and beyond and they notice and appreciate it.

I have always tried to move beyond formalities, and at the very least get on a first named basis with patients if I can. Especially as I age and a lot of patients are younger than me, I ask their permission to call them by their first name. Saying seeing like "hon, sweetheart, partner, good friend, even 'dude"" is my nature. It's not disrespectful. Never upon first meeting do I use terms of familiarity, maybe even not the first day we're together. But if I give you a bath, discuss your personal life, your bowel movements, etc. and we've established a rapport and like each other, then I move beyond the formalities of Ms. So and So. If someone can't tell by my actions and demeaner the sincerity and think it's disrespectful, then that's o.k. It's how I choose to relate. I always appreciate another opinion and will respect that however.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.
Actually, I was referring to some of the other people in clinicals, as well as the teen volunteers who would come around. Most of the staff were pretty respectful and would converse with the residents in their normal voices, repeating or slowing down as needed. It's one thing to slow down your speech a little bit to give time for your words to be understood. It's another thing to sound like a voice recording played at half speed while deliberately using broken English. My point is better illustrated by this comic.

My nursing instructor is the model I use for conversing with patients and residents. She always treated the residents with dignity, and was a great conversationalist. She spoke German, Spanish, and English, and could always brighten someone's day. She didn't slow down as much as she simply emphasized. There was nothing fake or insultingly obsequious about her manner of speaking.

Bottom line is what you say, conversing with residents and patients in a way that respects their dignity. I know what you mean. People sometimes talk to the elderly like they are children and deaf. Totally disrespectful.

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