Traumatized by nursing - advice needed

georgeja · Apr 20, 2005

I have been a nurse for 20 years and this is a great web site.

I am glad this forum exists for nurses to network and discuss the many issues facing our profession.

I would like to thank the creaters and maintainers of the web site for the great job they do and for the service they provide all of us.

Thanks, georgeja.

georgeja · Apr 20, 2005

Dear Traumatized by Nursing

Even though I graduated nursing school 21 years ago, I completely underdstand your situation.

It's important to understand that Nursing School, especially BSN programs,

do not teach you to be a nurse on busy hospital or hospice nursing units.

The old Diploma Hospital based nursing programs, did teach and prepare students, but I graduated from a 4 year BSN program and then completed a Master's in Mental Health Counselling before going to work as an RN.

I was the only RN for 40 medical patients on the 3-11 shift, with only, 1 LPN and 2 Nurses Aides. We worked from the moment we hit the door until an hour after we were off duty, no overtime, only comp time.

I think your experience and the other nurses who responded are common.

I think you need a 12 week nurse transition program or a long internship. Also start off in basic home health, where you only have one patient at a time and one or two skills to perform. it is less stressful. I did Home Hospice for 8-hour shifts with one patient. It was wonderful.

I did the bed bath, g-tube feedings, diaper changes and every thing the patient wanted, including reading poetry and the Bible to the patient.

To me that is true nursing, the hassels of the hospital units are not for every nurse, but they do make more money.

Set you priorities and go for it. Don't give up on Nursing, it can be very rewarding.

domestikgodes · Apr 22, 2005

Hi, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I know it can be emotionally devastating. I had a thought, (yes, maybe the only one today!) are you interested in Community Health? Not Home Health, Community. It sounds to me like you aren't thrilled with hospital care...many Community Health Nurses aren't! I am actually doing a clinical rotation in Community right now.

Good luck!

danfif · Apr 22, 2005

Sun,

Sounds like you have been handed one bad deal after another, and I am sorry to hear that, because from what you have said, sound to me like you will be one great nurse, or should I say, are one great nurse, just put in some really bad situations.

I can make a guess which hospital you were in, I to am from the KC area, but don't let these 2 bad times keep you from your dream, cause I know just the place you need to go. North Kansas City Hospital is like no other place I have ever seen! They actually care about there employes, staffing is unbelievable, and the place is growing by leaps and bounds, with tons of opportunities. If I were you I would certainly look into it, I don't think that I would or will ever leave, they may just have to plant me in the ground there when my time comes.

If you want more insite into NKCH just PM me and I will fill you in.

Take Care and know that things will get better!

Dan

MinnRN · Apr 25, 2005

The first year of nursing will be your most difficult. Remember the transition period they taught us about in school? Well, it is a part of nursing.

Don't be discouraged. If possible, find a good teaching hospital to start off in. When applying and interviewing for jobs, ask up front about orientation, the length, chances for extension, and how long you will be able to work with a preceptor. Ask about cross site floating orientation. If you have a sister floor, ask when you can expect orientation to this unit. It is your right, and also best to refuse to cross site float until you have some orinetation floating.

Carry a small notebook, write down all questions that you have during your shift. Sometimes when under stress and nervous, we dont ask question.

Start out on a med/surg floor. You will gain a wealth of knowledge on this type of unit. These medsurg floor see a little bit of everything. The work is difficult at times, but what a learning experience. Med surg gives you a solid base to branch off to peds, onc, icu, emergancy, etc. First, you must build on your basic skill.

hope this helps

icyounurse, BSN, RN · Apr 27, 2005

have you looked into a doctors office? i know some nurses who have went into them straight out of school or with minimum experiance

BandEmom · Apr 27, 2005

((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

My heart totally goes out to you. I am in the same place too and have made a similar post in the last couple days. I doubt we are in the same state, but I can tell you that the same thing goes on in the pacific northwest where I am. Even some of my friends who I graduated with , and are working in different hospitals have similar stories. I can tell you that this first hospital you were with failed you. I was an honor student too, and a leader like you, and I was well-known for being so good in OB, which is where I'm working now. This past week, I have made some errors that i shouldn't have, but I have not had much consistency in my preceptorship time. I've been either sent home for low census, or thrown in when we've been getting swamped with labors. My self-esteem is so low right now because of all this. I feel like I wasted all of my time and money in nursing school.

I wish I had more to tell you that would be helpful to you. Just know that I am thinking of you going through the same emotional situation as I am. Everyone tells me that it gets better. I do believe that you will work again and have another chance in another setting, and you will be very wise to the situation once you get there. I think the hardest part is finding the balance between making a good impression, being a good "learner", and being asssertive about your needs. For me, it's like carrying 10 baby blocks in my hands. I keep dropping one, and every time I bend down to pick one up another drops. Please write me anytime you feel alone. Keep us posted.

ceceliajane2003 · Apr 30, 2005

Hello,

please dont give up, but what a bunch of POS>(pieces os s***).I'm an LPN, 14 yrs exp. have worked in many settings . Finally found my calling , a visiting pedi nurse. I do block time, which means a block of time, one week to 1 yr even, you get to look up info, subscribe to periodicals that match the problem, expend all your good energy on one patient. :rolleyes: :Melody:

Go on the internet sites like monster,career builder, or find a "head hunter". I ran into so many vindictive people(even some friends) :balloons: right from nursing school............you might want to report somethings to the state board, but be sure its not going to hurt you nrs.license, maybe an aynonomous(spelling) notation,

here's the best thing. a small periodical called advance for nurses---in the back it has so many jobs all over, even travel nursing,.it does sound like your missing that one nurse who takes you under her wing and helps you. advanceweb.com----try this. email me anytime at [email protected]

lisa

:balloons: ]Tahoma

xxx

Hi all,

I apologize in advance for the long post, but I am devastated right now and need some guidance. While I have never been a big poster here, I have been an avid reader of this forum for over 5 years. Those who know me will appreciate the irony of my story.

I am a new grad (May, 2004). Nursing was a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. When my children were old enough, I started to consider nursing school. I read everything I could, made a web site to share the information I found and sought to encourage others. I even wrote a book and was hired to write a weekly advice column for nursing students and potential nursing students (very ironic...). Once in nursing school, I set up a mentoring program, pairing alumni with interested students. I organized a peer tutoring program. I held game show challenges to help junior students through the bewildering first semester. I coordinated the junior-senior "buddy" program. I was passionate about nursing and wanted to support others on the same journey however I could.

I did very well in school, but knew that the real learning was to be had after I graduated. Great grades do not automatically equal "great nurse." Great nurses become so only with experience. Knew all about the stages of reality shock, nurses eating their young, yadda, yadda, yadda. But the idealist in me held out hope that a positive attitude, a willingness to ask questions, a willingness to jump in and try, and a desire to learn would be...well...helpful at least.

First job out of school: I went to a large metropolitan teaching hospital and worked on the pediatrics unit weekend nights. Horrid. While I was blessed to have a great mentor/preceptor, I dreaded going in every shift. I spent most of the week recovering physically and emotionally before heading back in again. It was so stressful, I had six MS attacks in 6 months. Never called in sick until the end...just carried on as best as I could.

My second day off orientation, I was floated to the NICU - the NICU! "Oh, they'll only give you feeders and growers - you'll be fine." Yeah...no orientation to the unit AT ALL - we did computer charting, they did paper charting. Their equipment was different. Their protocols were different. Their patient acuity was higher (obviously). I asked the charge nurse for a brief tour of the unit at least before diving in...but she was busy. I was stuck in a side section separated by a WALL from the rest of the unit by myself - no other staff there - with 3 NICU babies getting complicated (to me) drips. Again I asked for help - charge nurse said she would be over in a minute. She came over 6 HOURS later, and of course I had done everything wrong, not having the first clue about NICU. I just thank God the babies didn't suffer any harm. Scared the crap out of me.

Anyway, the rest of my stay at that hospital was horrible. More floating to NICU, with a devastating near-miss. I did not have the option to NOT float, so I started calling in sick on nights when I was going to be floated. On my own unit, I was given patients whose care needs were way above what I felt comfortable or even remotely competent with (i.e., chemo patients without having had any chemo classes, etc.). My self-confidence dropped and dropped and dropped. Each week was worse than the last and every day my license was on the line.

Then, out of the blue in December, I received an e-mail from the manager of a hospice where I had done a clinical rotation. Hospice has always been my nursing dream - I love everything about it. She wanted to hire me on, said they loved me during my rotation and that I had a great future there. I was so excited - here was a way out of the hospital and into a job where I could be the nurse I had always hoped to be. I called my preceptor from that rotation to tell her the great news. She told me that she no longer worked there, and said, "Don't do it...That hospice will use you, burn you out and drop you." Did I listen to my mentor? No...

So, I quit my hospital job - didn't even work out my notice, which I have never done before - but I was terrified that I would lose my license - so unsafe there! On I went to hospice, heart filled with joy and elation. I should have listened.

I received all of 2 days of orientation, riding around with another nurse, and then was handed my caseload and sent out on my own. On my own, out in the field, with just 6 months of nursing experience under my belt. Can you see the disaster waiting to happen? I asked for support, help, guidance - anything - but my supervisor, manager and peers were all perpetually swamped and not available. I tried my very best, worked as hard as I could, researched every diagnosis, all the appropriate interventions and tried to expand my knowledge fast enough to be able to meet the needs of my families. It just wasn't enough.

Friday, my supervisor called me in for an afternoon meeting. I asked what was up - she said, "I would rather talk to you in person." Not good...not good at all. As I feared, I was being asked to voluntarily resign. She said she knew I had tried really hard, but I didn't yet have the confidence or strong personality needed for being out alone on home visits with no support. She felt bad that I hadn't received a decent orientation, but they just didn't have the time to do that. They needed experienced nurses who could hit the ground running. Of course this makes sense - obviously! But then why did they seek me out and hire me in the first place? I should have seen the red flags, but I was so excited about hospice...

I am devastated. What do I do now? Where do I go? I shudder at the thought of going back to a hospital setting - I am still traumatized from my first job. In fact, my confidence in my nursing abilities is so low right now, I am terrified to start again. I cannot get a reference from my first nursing job, and I am not so sure on the second, either. Any guidance or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to do, and I am broken-hearted.

Steph

hanging in · May 7, 2005

:Melody:

Hi all,
I apologize in advance for the long post, but I am devastated right now and need some guidance. While I have never been a big poster here, I have been an avid reader of this forum for over 5 years. Those who know me will appreciate the irony of my story.
I am a new grad (May, 2004). Nursing was a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. When my children were old enough, I started to consider nursing school. I read everything I could, made a web site to share the information I found and sought to encourage others. I even wrote a book and was hired to write a weekly advice column for nursing students and potential nursing students (very ironic...). Once in nursing school, I set up a mentoring program, pairing alumni with interested students. I organized a peer tutoring program. I held game show challenges to help junior students through the bewildering first semester. I coordinated the junior-senior "buddy" program. I was passionate about nursing and wanted to support others on the same journey however I could.
I did very well in school, but knew that the real learning was to be had after I graduated. Great grades do not automatically equal "great nurse." Great nurses become so only with experience. Knew all about the stages of reality shock, nurses eating their young, yadda, yadda, yadda. But the idealist in me held out hope that a positive attitude, a willingness to ask questions, a willingness to jump in and try, and a desire to learn would be...well...helpful at least.
First job out of school: I went to a large metropolitan teaching hospital and worked on the pediatrics unit weekend nights. Horrid. While I was blessed to have a great mentor/preceptor, I dreaded going in every shift. I spent most of the week recovering physically and emotionally before heading back in again. It was so stressful, I had six MS attacks in 6 months. Never called in sick until the end...just carried on as best as I could.
My second day off orientation, I was floated to the NICU - the NICU! "Oh, they'll only give you feeders and growers - you'll be fine." Yeah...no orientation to the unit AT ALL - we did computer charting, they did paper charting. Their equipment was different. Their protocols were different. Their patient acuity was higher (obviously). I asked the charge nurse for a brief tour of the unit at least before diving in...but she was busy. I was stuck in a side section separated by a WALL from the rest of the unit by myself - no other staff there - with 3 NICU babies getting complicated (to me) drips. Again I asked for help - charge nurse said she would be over in a minute. She came over 6 HOURS later, and of course I had done everything wrong, not having the first clue about NICU. I just thank God the babies didn't suffer any harm. Scared the crap out of me.
Anyway, the rest of my stay at that hospital was horrible. More floating to NICU, with a devastating near-miss. I did not have the option to NOT float, so I started calling in sick on nights when I was going to be floated. On my own unit, I was given patients whose care needs were way above what I felt comfortable or even remotely competent with (i.e., chemo patients without having had any chemo classes, etc.). My self-confidence dropped and dropped and dropped. Each week was worse than the last and every day my license was on the line.
Then, out of the blue in December, I received an e-mail from the manager of a hospice where I had done a clinical rotation. Hospice has always been my nursing dream - I love everything about it. She wanted to hire me on, said they loved me during my rotation and that I had a great future there. I was so excited - here was a way out of the hospital and into a job where I could be the nurse I had always hoped to be. I called my preceptor from that rotation to tell her the great news. She told me that she no longer worked there, and said, "Don't do it...That hospice will use you, burn you out and drop you." Did I listen to my mentor? No...
So, I quit my hospital job - didn't even work out my notice, which I have never done before - but I was terrified that I would lose my license - so unsafe there! On I went to hospice, heart filled with joy and elation. I should have listened.
I received all of 2 days of orientation, riding around with another nurse, and then was handed my caseload and sent out on my own. On my own, out in the field, with just 6 months of nursing experience under my belt. Can you see the disaster waiting to happen? I asked for support, help, guidance - anything - but my supervisor, manager and peers were all perpetually swamped and not available. I tried my very best, worked as hard as I could, researched every diagnosis, all the appropriate interventions and tried to expand my knowledge fast enough to be able to meet the needs of my families. It just wasn't enough.
Friday, my supervisor called me in for an afternoon meeting. I asked what was up - she said, "I would rather talk to you in person." Not good...not good at all. As I feared, I was being asked to voluntarily resign. She said she knew I had tried really hard, but I didn't yet have the confidence or strong personality needed for being out alone on home visits with no support. She felt bad that I hadn't received a decent orientation, but they just didn't have the time to do that. They needed experienced nurses who could hit the ground running. Of course this makes sense - obviously! But then why did they seek me out and hire me in the first place? I should have seen the red flags, but I was so excited about hospice...
I am devastated. What do I do now? Where do I go? I shudder at the thought of going back to a hospital setting - I am still traumatized from my first job. In fact, my confidence in my nursing abilities is so low right now, I am terrified to start again. I cannot get a reference from my first nursing job, and I am not so sure on the second, either. Any guidance or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to do, and I am broken-hearted.
Steph

hanging in · May 7, 2005

your letter spurred me to join in the site after reading it for awhile. dont let go. i have been a nurse for 30plus years and have had great jobs and intolerable jobs. have you tried long term care.. i have done that in the past and have loved it. you get to use so much of your nursing art.. and it becomes so personal. i currently work in a large hospital and we are constantly short staffed and putting up with huge problems. i feel the quality of good nursng care if imposible many days due to the ratios. i do my best everyday but i do fell overwhelmed many days. so keep trying, there are so many opportunities to try different areas of nursing.. we need you. : :coollook:

cdmedconsulting · May 7, 2005

Steph:

I also had a horrible hospital experience. I was hired as a new grad right into the PICU and that was my first mistake. New grads are not equipped for these specialty units and I should have started in med surg or some other unit that provided guidance and not so much stress. I, however, was also hired for my high grade point average. That should have been my second clue, but I was so thrilled to have been picked for this position that I blindly took it. I went through 9 months of "what is that drug used for?" "What are the contraindications", etc., etc., etc.... They had never hired a new grad before and didn't know what to do with me. My job depended on passing my boards and they reminded me of that everyday. I was never allowed to be on my own. But, the problem wasn't me. The previous DON of the unit was demoted to ADON and the hospital brought in a young male nurse to run the unit and those two didn't get along. The previous DON was much more capable of running the unit, but since I was his first hire, she took it out on me. I was devistated.

I got my next job while taking care of the mother of a DON at a long-term care facility in town. She was impressed with her mom's care that she told me to see her anytime and she would hire me on the spot. Well, I wasn't stupid and I went to see her the next day and got a job that was better suited for me. There I could also emotionally care for those I was in charge of. I am a bed-side nurse and the nurturing that I attributed to nursing was now a reality for me. I found my niche in long-term care, but it isn't for everyone.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I feel you have already found your niche in assisting others with finding theirs. Try setting up programs between the nursing schools and hospitals. Be a mentor an encourager of those, who like you, are not receiving the encouragement and mentoring needed to fill the gap between our education and our nursing careers. I feel you are not heeding your call. I would have loved to have had a program like the ones you created to make the transition easier. If there are programs out there that include mentoring and more of a 1:1 type of guidance it would be so much easier and when the grad is comfortable he/she can transition into the work place. This could even become a norm for facilities to utilize this type of program in their orientation of new grads.

You could be the person who assists new nurses and also helps the field of nursing attract and retain its nurses making it better for the schools, students, and facilities that they choose to work in. You could work with the different states and the federal government with these types of programs and it would truly benefit the whole field of nursing. Not all nurses perform direct patient care. I swore I would never be a paper nurse and look at me now, I am a paper nurse and very happy in my career. I think you should consider starting your own business and working in this area.

I am an RN, but I no longer care for patients in the traditional ways. I am a Certified Legal Nurse Consultant with my own business and I help attorneys analyze medical related cases. I enjoy this so much. I also assist LTC facilities in their compliance with state and federal regulations. I am still a nurse and I am still assisting others and this is great for me.

Think on this and see if it isn't more in line with who you are and your career goals. You enjoy helping others and you just may make a bigger difference in this type of area. I hope I am not out of line on this, but at least consider this as an option.

Cheryl

Artis · May 7, 2005

hI, I feel for you because I can relate. I dreaded everyday of my preceptorship and I dreaded nursing( a nurse for over a year and this was med-surg) because people were unkind. In both situations, it was difficult to get help becasue the helpers would just help there freinds. It was something about my personality(sensitive type)that some people didnt like(I think). I to had many experiences that led me not to feel as passionate about nursing. It has nothing to do with the patients or work.

When I started nursing, I even got help with interview process because I was scared to start working. I anticipated a tough atmosphere. This did not help.

Anyway, you have a talent. What about trying other types of nursing? You could write for nurisng magazines, since you know how to write, you could try this, just a suggestion, on the side? Or try working for a union , if possible?

Be creative and rewrite your resume, you have a right to work and a right to a proper orientation. Be strong and courageous! If there is no one else out there to help you, well who is going to help? Well I had GOd, thats who I talked to alot more than I ever expected and I got through it. Just dont give up.

Hi all,

I apologize in advance for the long post, but I am devastated right now and need some guidance. While I have never been a big poster here, I have been an avid reader of this forum for over 5 years. Those who know me will appreciate the irony of my story.

I am a new grad (May, 2004). Nursing was a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. When my children were old enough, I started to consider nursing school. I read everything I could, made a web site to share the information I found and sought to encourage others. I even wrote a book and was hired to write a weekly advice column for nursing students and potential nursing students (very ironic...). Once in nursing school, I set up a mentoring program, pairing alumni with interested students. I organized a peer tutoring program. I held game show challenges to help junior students through the bewildering first semester. I coordinated the junior-senior "buddy" program. I was passionate about nursing and wanted to support others on the same journey however I could.

I did very well in school, but knew that the real learning was to be had after I graduated. Great grades do not automatically equal "great nurse." Great nurses become so only with experience. Knew all about the stages of reality shock, nurses eating their young, yadda, yadda, yadda. But the idealist in me held out hope that a positive attitude, a willingness to ask questions, a willingness to jump in and try, and a desire to learn would be...well...helpful at least.

First job out of school: I went to a large metropolitan teaching hospital and worked on the pediatrics unit weekend nights. Horrid. While I was blessed to have a great mentor/preceptor, I dreaded going in every shift. I spent most of the week recovering physically and emotionally before heading back in again. It was so stressful, I had six MS attacks in 6 months. Never called in sick until the end...just carried on as best as I could.

My second day off orientation, I was floated to the NICU - the NICU! "Oh, they'll only give you feeders and growers - you'll be fine." Yeah...no orientation to the unit AT ALL - we did computer charting, they did paper charting. Their equipment was different. Their protocols were different. Their patient acuity was higher (obviously). I asked the charge nurse for a brief tour of the unit at least before diving in...but she was busy. I was stuck in a side section separated by a WALL from the rest of the unit by myself - no other staff there - with 3 NICU babies getting complicated (to me) drips. Again I asked for help - charge nurse said she would be over in a minute. She came over 6 HOURS later, and of course I had done everything wrong, not having the first clue about NICU. I just thank God the babies didn't suffer any harm. Scared the crap out of me.

Anyway, the rest of my stay at that hospital was horrible. More floating to NICU, with a devastating near-miss. I did not have the option to NOT float, so I started calling in sick on nights when I was going to be floated. On my own unit, I was given patients whose care needs were way above what I felt comfortable or even remotely competent with (i.e., chemo patients without having had any chemo classes, etc.). My self-confidence dropped and dropped and dropped. Each week was worse than the last and every day my license was on the line.

Then, out of the blue in December, I received an e-mail from the manager of a hospice where I had done a clinical rotation. Hospice has always been my nursing dream - I love everything about it. She wanted to hire me on, said they loved me during my rotation and that I had a great future there. I was so excited - here was a way out of the hospital and into a job where I could be the nurse I had always hoped to be. I called my preceptor from that rotation to tell her the great news. She told me that she no longer worked there, and said, "Don't do it...That hospice will use you, burn you out and drop you." Did I listen to my mentor? No...

So, I quit my hospital job - didn't even work out my notice, which I have never done before - but I was terrified that I would lose my license - so unsafe there! On I went to hospice, heart filled with joy and elation. I should have listened.

I received all of 2 days of orientation, riding around with another nurse, and then was handed my caseload and sent out on my own. On my own, out in the field, with just 6 months of nursing experience under my belt. Can you see the disaster waiting to happen? I asked for support, help, guidance - anything - but my supervisor, manager and peers were all perpetually swamped and not available. I tried my very best, worked as hard as I could, researched every diagnosis, all the appropriate interventions and tried to expand my knowledge fast enough to be able to meet the needs of my families. It just wasn't enough.

Friday, my supervisor called me in for an afternoon meeting. I asked what was up - she said, "I would rather talk to you in person." Not good...not good at all. As I feared, I was being asked to voluntarily resign. She said she knew I had tried really hard, but I didn't yet have the confidence or strong personality needed for being out alone on home visits with no support. She felt bad that I hadn't received a decent orientation, but they just didn't have the time to do that. They needed experienced nurses who could hit the ground running. Of course this makes sense - obviously! But then why did they seek me out and hire me in the first place? I should have seen the red flags, but I was so excited about hospice...

I am devastated. What do I do now? Where do I go? I shudder at the thought of going back to a hospital setting - I am still traumatized from my first job. In fact, my confidence in my nursing abilities is so low right now, I am terrified to start again. I cannot get a reference from my first nursing job, and I am not so sure on the second, either. Any guidance or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to do, and I am broken-hearted. :crying2:

Steph