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Lady Jezebel, Thank you :icon_hug: - I'm at a loss for words...that was a really nice thing to say and it really made my day :icon_hug: Steph

Hi Cardiacnurse33, Merriam is an older suburb of the KC metro area. Topeka is about an hour away - not too far, really. I think I will look here first, but I appreciate the tip. It never hurts to keep one's options open :) Thanks for the scoop and the moral support! Steph

Heart Queen, Very good points, and as I think about it, probably very true. I never considered myself an "expert" as a nursing student by any means...I struggled as much as anyone else. But I felt comfortable in the school setting and felt my strengths were valued there; I felt encouraged to use my strengths to define my own success, to expand and grow, to share as much as I could with others. In the nursing world, my strengths are not so much valued, at least at the novice level. More emphasis is placed on skills - and rightfully so... You are right...it IS hard. You have to work hard to turn your weaknesses into strengths to have enough collateral to get your bigger strengths a platform to be noticed. I have no idea if that even made sense to anyone but me LOL But, I understand what you were saying - you are right and I appreciate the guidance and support. Thank you, Heart Queen... Steph

Simao, I have heard that from experienced nurses several times since graduating...I really think that is part of it. I need to emote confidence - not that I know everything I need to know (which would be wayyyyy off mark), but that I am confident in my basic skills and assessment abilities (even if I am not), and know when to seek assistance. It's just harder to do than to say...but it is something I will continue to work on. Thanks for the great advice! Steph

Lady Jezebel, I agree with you absolutely, which is one of the reasons why I deferred the start of my program until the summer of 2006 (which would have had me at 2 years of experience at the start of the program). The summer of 2006 also coincides with the start of their online courses for the BSN-to-PhD program. That will allow me to continue to work while "in" school. As I understand it, the program takes 5 years to complete, which would put me at 7 years' nursing experience by the time I graduate, and my hope is that, as you said, the work experience before and during the program will help develop and guide my research so that it is useful and applicable to nurses. Thank you for the valuable and insightful post, LJ - I learn so much here and appreciate your advice greatly. Steph

My409, You did not come across to me as an inconsiderate hag at all - the underlying message was a good one, and your follow-up touched me (plus it was filled with good advice). I posted here knowing I would get a variety of opinions and thoughts - not just all flowers and hearts. For me, that was the point - so I could soak in the insights of all the experienced nurses here to help me see where I went wrong and what I can do to turn things around. The deeply touching messages of support and encouragement were a bonus that I cherish. Thank you for your honest response - I really value and appreciate it. Steph

Thank you, llg - I have so appreciated your insights and advice, and cannot adequately express my gratitude. Yesterday, I was feeling lower than low, and today, I feel like I can do this - I can learn from the past, move forward and start fresh. I am actually excited - so, thank you! :icon_hug: Steph

I will do that - and again, thank you for the wonderful support and encouragement - I really cannot express how touched and filled with hope I have been reading your post and those of others :icon_hug: Steph

Hi DaMonk, Great suggestion, and one I had considered, as I liked my psych rotation a lot. I believe I will give hospital nursing one more go first...one - to give me a chance to prove to myself that I can do this, and two - to get a solid foundation in the nursing world. Down the line, however, psych nursing may be a good fit for me :) Steph

Oops - a few more... Medsurgnurse: Great thought you posted, which gave me much comfort: "Everyone has had bad experiences. That does not make you a bad nurse." Thank you for that. Also, excellent advice on low-acuity med-surg, which is what I plan to look at tomorrow. Thank you! Mattsmom81: Thank you for the warm post and encouragement - it really means alot, and I am so appreciative *hugs*

More personal notes of thanks: Gerinurse10: I think there is an in-patient AIDS hospice here, which could be something to pursue down the road...but for now, I think I will bite the bullet and try med-surg, if I can find the right spot. Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts - I appreciate it! BETSRN: Thank you for the warm response. While I do agree that there were issues with poor management and policies, I also take responsibility for my own role in this. I have taken your advice to heart and will shop around to find the right place :) Tweety: Thank you for the warm wishes and encouragement. Gerilou: Outstanding advice - thank you so much! Stidget99: Good way to look at things - that helped me immensely today. Thank you! Angie O'Plasty: Thank you *hugs* for your moving, compassionate post. Great advice, great insights. Thank you! Trauma-R-Us: I agree and will search to find a really good orientation program. Thank you so much! KPrice: I so agree about not being out in the field this new - years of experience should be required. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and insights with me. cpomb: What a horrible series of experiences you had, but how heart-warming and inspiring to learn that you overcame it all and have found happiness and success - your post was very helpful, and greatly appreciated! SunStreak: Thank you for the warm post and support - and I agree completely about CNAs - they have been my best allies and friends in nursing. VeryPlainJane: Would you mind if I PM you to get some local advice? Thank you so much for your post :) Joyful Nurse: Excellent advice, and greatly appreciated - thank you! Jnette: *hugs* Thank you for the support and encouragement - I cannot express how moving the responses here have been for me - how encouraging and how much hope it has given me. Again, I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart - for the support, the guidance, the warmth, the insights, and how you all have shared your experiences and helped me to feel not so alone. You have given me hope and helped me find the courage to try again - I cannot thank you enough. Steph

Thank you all for the support, encouragement and excellent advice. It is deeply, deeply appreciated. I have had a good night's sleep, and spent most of today looking at my situation as honestly and rationally as I could and thinking about the best way to come back from it. SO...here is what I am going to do - an action plan based on all of your guidance, one that I think may work: Tomorrow, I will (despite my hospital phobia) go over to the hospital where the hospice said they would help facilitate a transfer. I will visit each of the units with openings and talk with the managers (or set up a time to talk with them). I will be open about my experiences, what I feel I would need in terms of orientation and support to be a successful, contributing member of the team, what my assets are, and what areas I will need help with. I will be looking for a lower-acuity adult med-surg unit. My hope is to find a unit that would provide the right environment and support to help me rebuild my confidence and gain some solid experience. Now some personal notes to all of you who have graciously taken the time to advise me and share your thoughts/experiences: llg: I appreciate you sharing your insights and experiences - you posted so many valuable things to honestly think about. I will say that at my first job in nursing, with the floating situation...I did express my concerns to my preceptor, my peers, my charge nurse, my direct supervisor/manager, the manager of the NICU, and the director of all the units in our "float family" - in that order. It did finally result in a change in policy where new grads were not to be floated at all, and experienced nurses would have the option to not float. I am happy that that change happened, but it was not implemented until right before I left, and other issues on my unit had worn me down in ways I cannot express. With regards to calling in sick to avoid floating...I should have clarified that somewhat. I did so at the direction of my preceptor and the director - it was not "sneaking around it" so much as it was an accepted (at that institution) practice. So, one did not have the option to not float at that time unless they called in sick and had paid leave time to use. I did, however, leave without finishing out my notice - not professional at all, but what I had to do for me. Why did I allow 6 hours to pass before the NICU manager came to help me? Lack of cajones, not wanting to make waves - but bottom line, not standing up to my professional responsibility to my patients. I agree with you there. Regarding my second job - again, you are absolutely right. I jumped in without thinking it through, ignoring the advice of my preceptor at that organization and ignoring the red flags I saw. In hindsight, even if I had had an excellent, extended orientation and support system there, being out in the field on my own requires a significant practical foundation with a wide range of experience, which I am years away from having. Anyway, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your insights and experiences, and for the solid advice. *hugs* (more personal notes to other posters on the next post...)

Hi Dixielee, Good advice and insights, as before - thank you. There are many hospitals in my area, but...gosh, I need to really think this through. 12-hour shifts have a significant negative effect on me physically I found - more so than I ever expected. 8-hour shifts would be more conducive to my health, but I'm not sure if any of the hospitals around here allow 8-hour shifts any more. At any rate, my career interests hover in three areas: * Hospice * Teaching * Research I was accepted into the BSN-to-PhD program at the state university this Spring and deferred my start to the Summer of 2006 (felt I needed to get experience in the profession before pursuing graduate studies of any kind...) - but that is my road map to teaching and research. Need to figure out what I should do now, in the interim...thinking, thinking, thinking... Thanks again for your advice - I really do appreciate it. Steph

Hi Walter, Thank you for the pep talk and encouragement - I appreciate it greatly. I hope that I can find a place with a good orientation and supportive staff - and I am glad to hear that there are such places out there. Sounds like you work with a great bunch of nurses, and that is encouraging :) Steph

Hi Dixielee, Thank you for sharing your advice and insights - it is greatly appreciated. My hospice supervisor said I could use her as a personal reference, and I know that I can call on several faculty members and the dean at my nursing school. The hospice folks gave me a listing of all the job openings at the hospital they are affiliated with, and said that they would help facilitate a transfer over if I let them know what I am interested in by next Friday... I don't know though...while it is not the hospital I worked for previously, it is the hospital where I did most of my clinical rotations. The staff did not seem to be very welcoming of new grads and it has not gotten a good review from my cohorts working there now. Your solid advice is the gold standard, I know...but I really did not like working in a hospital setting, and there's the rub. Can I do anything without 1 year of hospital experience? Thanks again...I value the input. Steph