Totally overwhelmed

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I am in my last semester of nursing school. Over the past few years I've been in school, we've dealt with a lot of stress - my husband has been underemployed for over 2 years now, we have two children, my father's health is failing, etc. It's been a very stressful few years. I have had to put my family on the back burner while I pursed this nursing career. Prior to this, I've been a stay at home mom (by choice) since the birth of my first son. I adore my children and it's been difficult trying to balance this dual life.

For all of these reasons, I am very relieved to finally be in my last semester. I am eager to help us financially. I live in an area that has a very low new-hire rate for new grads. It is extremely competitive. We are not in a position to move. We are your typical middle class family.

So, here is why I'm overwhelmed. I just found out I'm pregnant. I have never been pro-choice, but now that I'm here in this position, I am really struggling with a decision. We planned both of our children and adore them. I never had any plans of expanding my family past that. Partly, because I often feel overwhelmed by two children. Psychologically, I never felt like I could handle more than that and still be a kind, patient mother. I have idiopathic hypersomnia and so I become extremely tired (more so than the average person) when I'm pregnant (it's difficult to fx). I had 24/7 nausea and vomiting with both of my prior pregnancies and none of the anti nausea medications worked for me. I lost about 10% of my body weight in my first trimester with my first child and close to it with my second. I had such difficulty with feeling awful that just standing for 30-40 minutes would make me feel so incredibly faint/sick that I had to sit down. I also had placenta previa with both of my previous children and required bedrest.

I am completely overwhelmed by this and cannot see any avenues but either 1) termination or 2) quit school. If I wait to graduate, it would be over a year with the way my school schedules its classes. I honestly cannot see how the two can be compatible. I feel like I will crack under all this pressure. I guess I just want to hear some feedback from other nurses who were once in my shoes as students (especially those who were simultaneously mothers and students). Obviously only I can make this decision, but I would welcome some feedback/thoughts. Thanks.

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Wow, thats a difficult situation. As you said, no one can make this decision but you, we cant say whats best for you and your family. I'm wondering what does your husband feel? Have you discussed possible termination with him? I would have a serious conversation with him about what the realistic outlook is for your family. Do you have any other job prospects in the mean time? Does he? Are there any other family members you can draw on for support so that you can do both nursing and have a baby? Whatever you decide, I dont think there is any wrong decision, just whats best for you and your family. I wish you the best. *hugs*

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Thank you for taking the time to write. I had really hoped to hear from more people who have faced similar high-stress situations, so it means a lot to me that you responded to this thread. We have no family here -- it's just us. I have no job prospects lined up yet. I will be doing my preceptorship in a few months and plan to network during that time. My husband does not like the idea of termination very much at all. Neither do I for that matter. I never, ever thought I would be one to consider it -- not in a million years. But I've been under so much stress the last few years with school and everything else, I can't imagine adding more to it. I came home from clinical the other day and my younger child ran up to me because he was excited to see me. I felt bad because I had no energy left for my son -- it had taken all my will-power not to fall asleep while driving home from clinical that day. I basically told my husband that I planned to take a shower, eat some food, and go to bed. I was so exhausted from clinical with being in my first trimester. The full-blown nausea --> vomiting hasn't kicked in yet, but if it does, I have no idea how I'll function. I feel like I can barely hang on.

Like I said, I never in a million years thought I'd consider termination. That's why I'm curious about others who have handled multiple demands on their time, physical energy, mental energy, etc. while being pregnant...and survived! Thanks again for writing. I appreciate it.

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I wish more people would respond too who can maybe offer more insight. I dont have any children and havent been in that situation so I can't pretend to know how you feel or what I would do. I just offer my support. I'm wondering though, if nursing school wasn't in the picture would you still possibly consider termination? You said you are in your last semester, does that mean you graduate in December? If so you would be still relatively early in your pregnancy. I can't speak for your program but my last semester was the easiest and the least time consuming so it may be doable. Like I said though, I don't think there's a wrong decision. I don't like the idea of termination either but I also believe it's not black and white.

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Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

Hi nerfnurse! Even though I am much older than you I can relate to your post in many ways. There are some very profound and long-lasting issues at stake here that really require some intense assistance and soul-searching that this type of forum does not lend itself well to provide, that's my opinion through making certain choices in the past and living with those choices for the rest of my life.

I totally understand the panic you must be feeling right now, though I would say for the sake of your family, your mental health and your marriage, do you have a non-judgmental trusted friend, counselor or clergy member or physician who can explore these issues with you before you make your final decision?

If not, many times you can find a clinic or counselor who won't charge a lot of money who knows what questions to ask to sort the wheat from the chaff and helps you to take steps in the direction that will result in the best possible outcome for everyone in your family. It's so important to do this, because there are no easy answers and the stakes are high.

You might want to post over on the Breakroom side of this forum where there is discussion of general personal issues and the life choices. All the the best to you and your family.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.

I am like you and not really pro choice. My situation was slightly different, but I did have an unplanned pregnancy a few months ago. I was broke, taking prereqs and a single mom to 3. I will tell you that my first instinct was to terminate, but then I started feeling bonded to the baby. I realized thAt women go through difficult situations All the time and that I couldn't terminate just because I felt like I couldn't do it. I told a few close, non judgmental friends and 3 of 4 told me they'd be there for me no matter what. This helped me to feel better able to make a decision not based on fear. Whatever you decide that you can live with the consequence, that you won't look back and regret anything. ((hugs)) and prayers!

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Specializes in ED, trauma.

Have you spoken with your school regarding what they can do to schedule your preceptorship around your appointments, etc? Are you keeping up with your OB appointments to ensure this pregnancy is healthy, viable, and safe?

I know several students over the years who have had DIFFICULT pregnancies (previa especially) and when the time came, they were pinned at 7 months pregnant, completed their practicum placement, and SURVIVED it all. They have happy healthy babies now, and are working in jobs they love, in less than a year after delivery.

It is possible, if it is what you want to happen. Talk to your school advisers, talk to your OB, talk to your husband, get all the information you can. Try contacting hospitals and asking what they like to see from their new grad applicants, and how you can make your resume look stellar.

You have to live with the decision, and it's obviously weighing heavily on you, so be sure you have all your facts together and know that going forward you are making the RIGHT choice for YOU and your family.

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Specializes in Forensic Psych.

Wow, it sounds like you're under a ton of stress right now. I second finding a counselor to speak to.

I was in a similar situation not long ago. I was supposed to start nursing school, my husband lost his job, we lost the house and cars, had 2 kids, were living in a one room makeshift apt my hubby built in a shop, and I found out we had a whopping surprise: a pregnancy!

Stress is bad enough, but when you trow hormones into the mix - watch out. I came very close to aborting., even though my husband was completely against the idea. That should tell you how our of my mind I was at the time. We were in a terrible situation and I finally had a light at the end of the tunnel and suddenly I felt like this little being was setting us light years behind. The sickness (I get hyperemesis), the hormones, the fatigue, the EVERYTHING - the whole idea terrified me.

But in the end, I took a leap of faith. I put off school and our little one is 17 months now and the absolute love of my life. At about 7 months pregnant my husband magically found a job and we were able to move into a real home and I was able to start nursing school and we really just picked up the pieces, but as a family of 5 instead of 4.

I don't know you and I don't know the details of your situation or belief system, but I just wanted to let you know that I can empathize.

My advice would be to not rush into any sort of decision. The fact that you aren't actually pro-choice is a red flag to me. Nothing stays the same...eventually your life will get easier and your stress level will decrease and how will you feel about your choice then? Some people would be 100% ok, but not everyone.

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To add balance, I will say that I was in a tough financial, personal, career situation when I found I was pregnant. I always have been pro-choice, with the operative word being CHOICE. After much consideration, I terminated the preganancy and I've always felt it was one of the most piviotal decisions I ever made. It was the right road for me and I'm so grateful for the healthcare providers who were there when I needed them.

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I had a spontaneous abortion at around 8 weeks at a time when a pregnancy would have been disastrous. I was never so relieved over anything in my life.

There's lots of good research to indicate that women who have voluntary abortions are no more likely to suffer mental health problems than they were before pregnancy occurred; there's no evidence that abortion increases risk of breast cancer or any of that other scare-tactic stuff, so you are free to make your decision based on what's best for you, your entire family, and your future. I know what I'd do (abortion clinic in a heartbeat); only you know what you'd do.

And for heaven's sake, anybody and everybody: if you don't want more children... send hubby for a vasectomy or get your tubal ligation STAT. That's real peace of mind.

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