Things we think that we do not say... humorous...

Nursing Students CNA/MA

Published

Just for fun, I am wondering if you would like to share some thoughts you have had during patient care that you did not speak out loud for whatever reason. My hubby does not enjoy my work stories, and I feel the need to share!

I'll start...

While assisting with peri care for a grey haired gentleman, I thought, "Oh - so your hair used to be red!" I am proud to say that I had the self-control not to say this out loud.

Anyone else want to share?

Dear Lady will you PUUH-LEEEASE just swallow that mouthful of food you've been chewing for the last 5 full minutes so when I assist you with another spoonful it won't just slip-slide out your mouth and onto your lap again.

To the people I work with I'd LOOOOVE to say:

NO! A THOUSAND TIMES NO!! No, fellow CNA co-worker, I don't want to give up my day off to take your stinkin' shift!!!

NO!! Ms. New Administrator Lady -- I don't think you should get rid of the Special Care Unit for the dementia residents and turn it into a Medicare/Medicaid facility for the poorest residents because you're tired of the high cost of adequate staffing for an Alzheimer's Unit!!! That idea is just asinine!!!!!

NO!! I DO NOT want to sign that report admitting what a totally incompetent useless piece-a-crap I am for calling out of a shift because I have bronchitis and I'm coughing all over the freakin' place. Just shove that report where the sun don't shine!!!!

Oh, and one more thing: WILL YOU PLEASE JUST FIRE ME!!! PLEASE!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!!! I WANT OUT OF HERE!!!!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
"Dooo your balls hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie 'em in a knot, can you tie 'em in a bow..."

yousoldtheworld - That is freakin' hilarious! I could hear the song in my head as I read it....

I'll be singing that one when I change the diaper on a resident who has ginormous testicles

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Long-term/Geriatrics, Home Health.
Dear Lady will you PUUH-LEEEASE just swallow that mouthful of food you've been chewing for the last 5 full minutes so when I assist you with another spoonful it won't just slip-slide out your mouth and onto your lap again.

To the people I work with I'd LOOOOVE to say:

NO! A THOUSAND TIMES NO!! No, fellow CNA co-worker, I don't want to give up my day off to take your stinkin' shift!!!

NO!! Ms. New Administrator Lady -- I don't think you should get rid of the Special Care Unit for the dementia residents and turn it into a Medicare/Medicaid facility for the poorest residents because you're tired of the high cost of adequate staffing for an Alzheimer's Unit!!! That idea is just asinine!!!!!

NO!! I DO NOT want to sign that report admitting what a totally incompetent useless piece-a-crap I am for calling out of a shift because I have bronchitis and I'm coughing all over the freakin' place. Just shove that report where the sun don't shine!!!!

Oh, and one more thing: WILL YOU PLEASE JUST FIRE ME!!! PLEASE!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!!! I WANT OUT OF HERE!!!!!!

We must work in the same facility. lmao:yeah:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Dialysis.

You are 100 years old. I hope I'm just like you when I'm your age. You have energy AND attitude. You love your coffee and always ask for it. I can relate. I can see you going for another 10 or 20 years at this rate. I'll see what I can do about a coffee IV drip. :) :yeah:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

"No. No, that is not the biggest one I've ever seen..."

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Geriatric and Mental Heath.

I work in an LTC. You gotta love families that only see grandma once a year.

Daughter of resident: "Why are her feet so swollen!??!??" "Why does her room smell like this?" "Where is the purple sweater I sent her last Christmas??

(i wish i could say) Maybe if you saw her more than once a year, you'd have the answers to these simple questions. A-hole.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Long-term/Geriatrics, Home Health.

I don't post on this forum too often but I honestly found this post to be humorous and a relieving to know others feel the same way as I do. If a post is too "disturbing" or offensive for you to read, there is a simple answer. DON'T READ IT!! :nono: Sometimes you need a little fun and laughter about your job or you could burst into tears. :)

OAN: I wish I could say to some of my residents "I am not your maid. No I will not let u borrow money for a pizza. Nor will I go to the store and buy you a chocolate bar"

To admissions: "Stop admitting people who require 1:1 care, 300+ lbs, combative or completely needy"

To the supervisors: "stop scheduling all departments incredibly short and b*tching that things aren't done but still add extra tasks"

To fellow coworkers: "I know what my job is and I know what I'm supposed to do. Do NOT volunteer me for extra work because you have unlimited energy and wanna kiss butt. I have enough work of my own to do."

Sigh, I feel much better now.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

OH I so feel you on the admissions thing. I work at a children's home, so our residents are primarily severely disabled children and young adults - due to the nature of many of their conditions, there just aren't as many behavioral issues as I had in geriatrics (we have only a handful who can even walk or talk)...as such, the pay and staffing is reflective of that...

But then corporate starts bringing in combative, sexually aggressive (hence where my member comment came from...and just a tip, if you don't want someone griping about your member, then don't spend large chunks of your day trying to force them to touch it or look at it. Logic.) people that require one on one and are NOT mentally or physically disabled. They become a threat to us and a threat to our residents who are pretty much 100% defenseless. Way to go, corporate...

And to the anonymous idiot who sent me a threatening email calling me a "pervert"...yeah, I'm totally the immature one here. Go find something else to do.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

To the snotty ER nurses who either completely ignore the aide when bringing up a patient, or try to order you around on the floor and dismiss anything you say. Get off your high horse Nurse Jackie and hand me that ******* transfer board. No I dont want to throw my back out not using one, I have to lift patients all shift long unlike you. And no im not impressed you work in an ED, Ive been an EMT for years, how many unresponsive 350lb patients have you lifted down from their roach infested 3rd floor apartment and driven to the hospital in a blinding snowstorm on ice covered roads?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Hospice.

The current criticisms in this thread remind me a lot of certain festivals that included safe space for people to play in somewhat less socially acceptable ways without impinging on their more conventional neighbors. The spaces were identified and posted in a way that anyone who might be upset, disturbed or offended knew in plenty of time where they were headed ... allowing them to avoid to anything they didn't want to experience.

Sure enough ... every year we had major drama when some people went out of their way to intrude into that space and commence to tell everyone else what they were required to think and feel.

Nope ... not havin' it. Readers have to make a choice and take a definite action to even start reading a thread. When you, as a patient, choose to explore where it is clearly posted that there will be humorous reactions to our patients, you don't get to complain when your feelings get hurt.

And stop with the phoney "reverse-sexism" whine ... I can't point to a thread mocking womens' genitals ... but there are plenty mocking our looks, weight, fashion sense and interpersonal style, among other things. No reports of ended careers that I know of.

In short, when you come into a forum in which nurses are talking to nurses, you're going to read comments about what it's like to deal with our various patients. As a bedside nurse for 40 years, I've been forced to experience your attidudes and behaviors for most of my waking life. It's part of my job to take it, understand it and still do what's best for you in a way that makes you feel cared for. I'm good at it, too. The effect it has on me - my heart, mind and soul - has to be put on a shelf to be dealt with on my own time.

Well, this website is my own time. You don't get to bully your way into the conversation and tell me I'm not allowed to take care of myself on my own time and in my own way. There is no 11th Commandment reading "Thou shalt be patient-centered 24/7 for the rest of thy life."

Up Vote Up Vote ×
The current criticisms in this thread remind me a lot of certain festivals that included safe space for people to play in somewhat less socially acceptable ways without impinging on their more conventional neighbors. The spaces were identified and posted in a way that anyone who might be upset, disturbed or offended knew in plenty of time where they were headed ... allowing them to avoid to anything they didn't want to experience.

Sure enough ... every year we had major drama when some people went out of their way to intrude into that space and commence to tell everyone else what they were required to think and feel.

Nope ... not havin' it. Readers have to make a choice and take a definite action to even start reading a thread. When you, as a patient, choose to explore where it is clearly posted that there will be humorous reactions to our patients, you don't get to complain when your feelings get hurt.

And stop with the phoney "reverse-sexism" whine ... I can't point to a thread mocking womens' genitals ... but there are plenty mocking our looks, weight, fashion sense and interpersonal style, among other things. No reports of ended careers that I know of.

In short, when you come into a forum in which nurses are talking to nurses, you're going to read comments about what it's like to deal with our various patients. As a bedside nurse for 40 years, I've been forced to experience your attidudes and behaviors for most of my waking life. It's part of my job to take it, understand it and still do what's best for you in a way that makes you feel cared for. I'm good at it, too. The effect it has on me - my heart, mind and soul - has to be put on a shelf to be dealt with on my own time.

Well, this website is my own time. You don't get to bully your way into the conversation and tell me I'm not allowed to take care of myself on my own time and in my own way. There is no 11th Commandment reading "Thou shalt be patient-centered 24/7 for the rest of thy life."

I wish I could love this 100 times!!!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

When a family member wonders why mom is so tired all the time: really? She is 96 years old!!!The daughter who sternly told mom she can "do it" (walk): Really? Could you walk on those contracted feet? Or hold onto your walker with those contracted hands? Geez.And my favorite is when a family member is concerned that mama, who is terminal with metas. Liver cancer, is too groggy from pain meds. Really? You would rather have her entertain you? She will probably be busy writhing in pain, a$&hole.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment