Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

tinerjayne · Feb 9, 2010

One 26 year old male patient-who was detoxing off meth, but had only used it one time 2 days ago- taught me that it's tacky to have 2 year old son, a wife who is 32 weeks pregnant, and two parents at your side in the hospital (very clean-cut family) who had no idea that you'd been using drugs and CoNtInUe to deny using as you're telling me you don't need anything else so I can leave now. Upon asking he tells me he's in his hotel in Mexico.

This patient eventually rips off his tele, removes his iv and throws them, runs down 9 flights of stairs, and is approaching a very busy street when he is caught by security-next time i see him he is cuffed inside his room being guarded by 2 officers as I'm getting the third degree from our house supervisors.

See this was a crafty meth head as he decided to run when I'd been off the floor for 5 minutes to grab some food and his family had left too (great judgement there)

He also taught me that it is not a good idea to try to attack and scream at your pregnant wife and expect me not to enjoy shooting 5 mg of Haldol and 1mg Ativan into your a$$(remember he pulled out that ever convenient iv)

He also taught me that court orders can be obtained in less than an hour.

oh oh, and that he didn't like being put into four-point leathers and taken to ccu(where they shot more ativan and haldol into his a$$)-I know he didn't because he screamed it all the way there

oh did i mention he was my direct admit from a dinky hospital with ''just chest pain'' at 530 pm, i hadn't had lunch(thus the quick run downstairs-lol for me and my pt) and I was to get off at 7-he ran at 615

oh all the things i can learn in just 2 hours

Starlla · Feb 15, 2010

Never utilze the veins in your ankle to inject your drugs - especially after you just recieved a graft for that site - AND Never, repeat this graft-injection cycle more than 3 times - you may lose your foot! -

Real story - ulcerations created by drugs, grafted, injected by friend's smuggled in drugs before leaving hospital - then repeat 3 times!

carolinablueSN · Feb 17, 2010

Never pee on an electric fence.

pca_85 · Feb 17, 2010

Never pee on an electric fence.

Or an electric ANYTHING, for that matter lol.................

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Feb 17, 2010

Never pee on an electric fence.

Besides shocking the individual, what happened to the dum dum?

HollyHobby · Feb 19, 2010

If you're too drunk to drive, it's a good idea to call your girlfriend to pick you up. However, DO NOT tell her to pick you up in a densely overgrown junkyard at night. If you must do that, DO NOT pass out in the dark. Your girlfriend might accidentally run over you, and the left front tire might shatter both of your ankles. Even worse, the right front tire might run over your pelvis, smashing it and turning your urinary and reproductive systems into pulp.

If you have a head injury, DO NOT turn the stopcock on your arterial line with your teeth. No matter how thirsty you are, the red stuff that squirts out is not Dr. Pepper and you should not drink it.

If you are a psych nurse and one of your patients has an uncontrollable compulsion to insert objects into his rectum, DO NOT leave your keys unattended, even for a few seconds. It will be difficult to retrieve your keys and they will have to be autoclaved. However, the resulting Xray will be hilarious.

dragonflyRN · Feb 20, 2010

Never place a chicken wing under your breasts....and when a nurse finds it there....never say "I wondered where that went..." as you gobble it down.

HollyHobby · Feb 20, 2010

dragonfly, do you work in texas? because I had a patient do that.

nurseterry · Feb 21, 2010

Never place your wedding ring around your P---s. It might get stuck. And you might loose your P---s.

HollyHobby · Feb 21, 2010

If you have diabetic neuropathy and cannot feel your feet, don't forget to check your shoes before you put them on. Your grandson might have put the cap from a plastic water bottle in your shoe. After you develop a raging infection from the bottle cap imbedded in your right heel, don't forget to take your antibiotics and your insulin. You might become septic and die.

When you're helping your buddy move a load of furniture in his pickup truck, don't climb out the window to tighten the ropes holding the furniture down while the truck is going 70mph on the highway.

When riding in the open bed of a pickup truck, do not stand up to urinate over the side while the truck goes over the railroad tracks.

When you try to shoot your wife and 2 year old daughter, don't ignore the cop who tells you to drop your gun. If you do ignore him and he shoots you in the abdomen, do not pick up your gun again and try to shoot your wife and daughter. The cop will be REALLY serious the second time, and you might end up with a bullet in your cervical spine, which will lead to you being on a vent in a nursing home, where you will die six months later.

Do not eat undercooked pork in Mexico. You could end up with a tapeworm cyst in your spinal cord.

Do not take the pins out of your new shirt and put them in a shotglass. If you do, don't "forget" you put them there and later pour your wife a shot using the same glass. The pictures from her EGD will be amazing, but when she becomes septic and dies, the nurses will think you murdered her.

carolinablueSN · Feb 21, 2010

Besides shocking the individual, what happened to the dum dum?

Well he coded at least four times and was still alive when I left the ER that night. No idea if he survived though (I was only a volunteer in the ER at the time).

rph3664 · Feb 22, 2010

Never place your wedding ring around your P---s. It might get stuck. And you might loose your P---s.

You can say "member" on this board.