24 Things ER Nurses Know All Too Well

Specialties Emergency

Published

1. Don't tell me you have abdominal pain as you eat Doritos in my triage booth.

2. If you come to the ER by ambulance, the first thing I will ask you is how you are getting home. No, we don't have people on staff to drive you home, and don't tell me you don't want to "bother" one of your family members at this hour. You had no problem bothering 911 for the back pain you've had for 3 years.

3. You DON'T get to pick your own IV site. This will irritate me and I will probably miss your IV on purpose and start your site in the place I wanted to initially to prove a point.

4. "Butterfly" is not an IV size, this word signals me to put in a larger bore needle, preferably a 16g.

5. Nausea is not a reason to come to the ER. If you are not in severe abdominal pain, are not vomitting or pooping your pants in front of me, your butt goes back to the waiting room.

6. How can you have the worst migraine of your life, but you are able to yell at me about the wait time after you just put down a magazine you were reading?

7. Don't ever say things like, "I usually get 4mg of Dilaudid." Requesting your med and dosage will promt me to squirt out half of the med before it's injected, then lie about the dose.

8. If you are allergic to Tylenol, Toradol, and Motrin, I have already assumed you are a drug seeker.

9. I don't care if you are neighbors with the GI specialist. Unless he drove you to the ER himself, you can't be that friendly.

10. Just because "my doctor sent me here," does not mean you get right back to a treatment room. This tells me you are a pain in the a$$, and he's pawning you off.

11. The louder you moan and wine, the bigger size IV needle you get.

12. Foley catheters cure psuedo-seizures and intoxicated persons.

13. If you are on more than 2 medicines at home, bring a list. Don't say, "you know, the little white pill," or ,"look it up, it's on the computer." I am NOT a pharmacist.

14. RN is not synonymous with waiter/waitress

15. Don't wine about missing breakfast when I am on the tenth hour of my shift and still haven't even peed or eaten yet.

16. Broken toes are not an emergency. We'll make you feel stupid by putting a little piece of tape down there and kicking you out.

17. I am currently inventing a trapdoor system in triage to be triggered when you say the word "toothache".

18. Cover your mouth for crying out loud when you cough, sneeze, or belch. This is just common courtesy. When you neglect to do this, I am tempted to bust butt in your room, then close the door.

19. If you tell me you have fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, know that I'm rolling my eyes and thinking you're a loser.

20. If you list Haldol, Geodon, Xanax, and Trazadone as allergies, don't ell me you have no psych history.

21. Although you've been in the ER four times this week, you cannot list the ER doc as your family physician.

22. Do not talk to me while I'm trying to listen to your lungs.

23. Don't tell me you have no money for medicine while you have a carton of cigarettes in your purse (next to your cell phone), and each of your seven children are playing their own PSP's.

24. Gravida 7 at age 22 means you are a tramp.

Specializes in Hospice & Palliative Care, Oncology, M/S.

I'm a pre-nursing student as well, but have spent hours upon hours in the ER waiting rooms - enough to see exactly what you all are talking about.

I've seen people screaming for a doctor because they sprained their finger, and I've watched people try and coerce more medications out of their nurses.

I have to say, you all rock. Keep it up :)

Don't stick something up your ass that doesn't belong there and then get mad at us because we can't get it out and you have to go to surgery.

Also...calling 911 because you pooped your pants and are homeless and would like a shower does not an emergency make.

Specializes in critical care/tele/emergency.

##? Do not get cranky with me or act all outraged at your 14yo daughter's positive HCG when I step into the room to find 17yo boyfriend sharing the bed with her and you sitting next to the bed.

##? Do NOT come screaming into my ED for me to 'do something' for little teenage Johnny who got drunk off his butt at the unchaperoned party YOU dropped him off at.

:nono:

Specializes in ICU, ER, Med/sur, Telemtry/Post CABG.

Yeah, and what about these:

#?: Don't tell me that I am your nurse, it's my JOB to do what you say.

#?: Don't tell me your pain is a 10 on the pain scale when you are in mid-yawn.

#?: When you tell me that you have had at least 4 primary care physicians in the last 2 months and can't find one you like, it means no one will give you the amount of drugs you are looking for.

#?: When you take Lortab, Valium, and Trazadone on a daily basis, but have no primary care physician. What do you do, go to the ER everytime you run out (probably)

We like to call it "venting" thank you...

Come on...you know there is no way this person works in the ER....otherwise they would get it:):D

Specializes in M/S,TELE,ORTHO,ER.
# When patient tell you (the triage RN) one thing and when the doctor examines them they change their story completely! Making you look like an idiot, 'cause you didn't do an EKG on the patient who is having chest pain!!! :angryfire

# When you are talking to the patient who is wide awake and orientated and a self-designated interpretor keeps answering you, despite your best attempts to ignore them completely :banghead:

A variation on this theme: the visitor with the pt who expresses their "concern" repeatedly even tho' the pt is quite competent/fluent. A friend of mine coined the term "attack friend" for them. Of course, the majority of the time this was a planned stategy; the friend can be obnoxious as possible while the "helpless" pt is so ill they have no accountability (it's not the pt's fault if their fiend is rude to you, right?).

P.S. Nurses have incredibly attuned hearing, may be just on the other side of the curtain, OR may be bilingual.

Specializes in ER, telemetry.
I need this little violin dude to stay with me in my pocket all day so I can whip it out as needed when triaging a pt.

LOL!!! So True!!

Somebody needs a break from the triage assignment. I did laugh though. What

i generally say to similar pts is that the ER is not primary care and then refer them to our resident's clinic that provides care on a sliding scale. Then again

and unfortunately there are a lot of ignorant people in this world and as ER rns

we get stuck caring for them.

Specializes in ER, Med/Surg.

#? Don't **** me off, I'm the nurse. The doctor may ORDER things, but *I* determine the size of the IV, NG, Foley.

Specializes in med/surg, ER.

Do not come into my ER room claiming you are pregnant and are cramping, then refuse lab draws. Don't give all of our ER staff and me attitude and say you only want to know the results of the urine HCG we did because you aren't sure about the 2 positive tests you took at home THEN want IV pain meds! I have patients who are really, critically ill and need my attention. Giving me a dirty look and being nasty to me will NOT make me move any faster in your direction, but it will get you a visit from our Charge Nurse...

Specializes in ER.

Love the thread

### Don't come to the ED at midnight for a fall that happened the day before and ask "how much longer because I have to get up and go to work in the morning".... then why didn't you come in earlier? :twocents:

###" I can't sleep" is not an EMERGENCY just watch an infomercial or two...or don't sleep night nurses do it all the time.

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