Thick skin

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Im a new grad,been in post about 10 weeks now and all i hear is that i need to grow a thicker skin. How do i go about acquiring this valuable tool? Im really struggling at the moment.

Specializes in OB, Med/Surg, Ortho, ICU.

Why are they saying you need a thicker skin? Are you defensive in the face of constructive criticism? New grads are often needing feedback during orientation and learning facility policies. You have to remember that your coworkers are trying to help form your skills and even though you've graduated, you still have a lot to learn. This may sound callous, but when something upsets me, I say to myself, "I can either get over this or die unhappy." Then things don't seem so crucial to me. Hope that helps.

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I used to ask a co-worker if what she was upset about was bad enough to engrave on her tombstone when it drove her nuts and she tipped over....(also told her I'd just have someone help me prop her up in the corner until the end of the shift if she was going to croak and leave us short!! :D)

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I think for me it happened when I realized that 99.9% of the s**t raining down on me had nothing to do with me, I just happened to be in the way. When people are blasting out the negativity, the best thing is to put up your deflector shield and step out of the way. When it gets bad I just repeat to myself that it's all about the patient, not me.

Usually, five hours later, everyone is freaking out about something completely different and it's not helpful for me to still be stuck in the crisis that happened earlier.

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well it all comes down to the fact that i cry when i get majorly stressed,its through feeling like a failure,feeling disappointed in myself (not in front of patients, normally in the sluice room, or at the end of a crappy shift) Ive also been having issues with the CNAs' ******** and sniping at me constantly which makes the atmosphere rather tense and results in me visiting the sluice room.

Its kinda hard to not take it personally when someone is being a ***** towards you all shift, every shift.Things have got so bad that i am considering going back on my antidepressant meds

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"well it all comes down to the fact that i cry when i get majorly stressed,its through feeling like a failure,feeling disappointed in myself (not in front of patients, normally in the sluice room, or at the end of a crappy shift) ive also been having issues with the cnas' ******** and sniping at me constantly which makes the atmosphere rather tense and results in me visiting the sluice room.

its kinda hard to not take it personally when someone is being a ***** towards you all shift, every shift.things have got so bad that i am considering going back on my antidepressant meds"

if so, presumably you would only be doing so with medical advice, not just because you happen to have a bottle of them leftover in your bathroom cabinet and a refill still on the label. so while you're there, ask about a few tune-up sessions of therapy to give you tactics help you deal with these problems, and, more importantly, strategies to help you recognize and use your strengths. sounds like you'd need this whether you were a nurse or not. go do it, it's the right thing to do.

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Specializes in OB, Med/Surg, Ortho, ICU.
well it all comes down to the fact that i cry when i get majorly stressed,its through feeling like a failure,feeling disappointed in myself (not in front of patients, normally in the sluice room, or at the end of a crappy shift) Ive also been having issues with the CNAs' ******** and sniping at me constantly which makes the atmosphere rather tense and results in me visiting the sluice room.

Its kinda hard to not take it personally when someone is being a ***** towards you all shift, every shift.Things have got so bad that i am considering going back on my antidepressant meds

You cannot control others' behavior, but you can hold them accountable. Have you spoken to them about their nastiness? That's generally the first step. If you cannot get through to them, take it to either your supervisor, or theirs, whichever follows the chain of command. Be assertive, but not aggressive. An attempt to manage the situation may be the confidence boost you need. Their reaction may be poor, but you cannot know that until you try. Try also to think about the situation objectively and perhaps see how you have contributed to the situation as it takes two to tango. Good luck!

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yeah spoke to my manager and got told if i 'worked harder then there wouldnt be an issue' and that was that.

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Some nurse have a tendency to "eat their young" - as others on here have posted "it's not about you" - as you gain your experience and age - life lessons alone - will thicken the skin - what matters most is how you see yourself - if you can look in the mirror knowing you are doing the best job you can for where you are now in your nursing career - then you have 1/2 the battled won - :up:

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ehwwwww....."if you worked harder this wouldn't be a problem".....that is so YUCK!!!! Worse....I've heard this sort of response when notifying my manager of poor, unprofessional conduct by assistive personel......why IN THE WORLD do some managers let the weakest links run the whole show??? Sounds like poor management to me in the long run. I HAVE seen this happen a lot. NOT TO BE DOWNING TECHS!!!! NEED YOU! LOVE YOU! WOULDN'T WANT A WORLD WITHOUT YOU......unless you are rolling your eyes and/or hiding when your assistance is needed.

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well it all comes down to the fact that i cry when i get majorly stressed,its through feeling like a failure,feeling disappointed in myself (not in front of patients, normally in the sluice room, or at the end of a crappy shift) Ive also been having issues with the CNAs' ******** and sniping at me constantly which makes the atmosphere rather tense and results in me visiting the sluice room.

Its kinda hard to not take it personally when someone is being a ***** towards you all shift, every shift.Things have got so bad that i am considering going back on my antidepressant meds

This all says a WHOLE lot more about the jerks than it does you :) I know it hurts in the middle of it, but these are obviously the 'mean girls' leftover from high school who haven't taken it upon themselves to GROW the h*)( up :D. You are sensitive- OK- that's not a crime :) But, something to consider- are these CNAs worth the energy to blow your nose with???? It doesn't sound like it. (they really don't sound like they're worth what flies out of a blown nose....JMHO- and I know snot!!). They don't care about how you feel- so don't let them think they've broken you... this is all temporary stuff. The idiots end up on the bottom in the end...that doesn't make it feel any better now, but one day, they (or someone like them, that you may not even know about) will be taking orders from you, and the jerks will be just where they are today. When you feel the tears coming, think about the nasty ones hugging a phone pole in the snow wearing their bloomers !!

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Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.

Forgive me for not reading all of the responses, as I assume that I am being redundant in my following statements.

To develop a thick skin requires a recipe of self confidence, knowledge of facts and knowledge of resources.

For example, if a doc tells you to give Labetalol for 185/90 HR 56, you would adamantly refuse, providing the factual information that you have learned; HR is too low for Labetalol to be the appropriate drug to give.

Most of the time, docs and peers will test you to see what kind of backbone you have. We all want to please and want to be accommodating to our co-workers. However, we must always be spot on with our assessments and challenge orders that seem incorrect to us.

I once was in a case where the CRNA wanted to give Toradol. He had the syringe loaded and ready to push. He announced to the surgeon that he was going to give the drug. I immediately stopped him and pointed to the whiteboard where the pt allergy was listed in bold red letters "Allergic to Toradol". This CRNA was from the Middle East, and didn't take kindly to a woman correcting him. He actually said to me at the end of the case, "Don't you EVER correct me in front of men. EVER again." I had no qualms about tactfully telling him to get bent, and that I couldn't care less who was in the room; man or woman-my priority was the safety of my patient. I let the director of the program know what had happened, and this CRNA is now on probation.

You develop thick skin for the greater good of your patient. You can challenge anything you witness that you deem unsafe for you or your patient.

The way that I developed a thick skin is by imagining that the patient was a family member of mine. What would I choose for this pt if they were my own family? I would fight tooth and nail for their safety and demand the implementation of best practices for them. I have always had this mindset, and I have always been staunch in my verbalization of such. As long as I know for a fact (and can back it up with evidence based research) that what the doc is ordering is inappropriate, you can bet the farm that I will be refusing the order outright.

In regards to developing a thick skin with co-workers, my view is that you should set boundaries from the get-go. In doing so, you must state your expectations clearly if you are delegating tasks, you must communicate with confidence and without hesitation. Staff will respect you if you know what you are doing and can in turn teach them the rationale behind your decision. Using this technique, you are at once establishing the fact that you know what you are doing, and also are willing to share your knowledge so that others can understand and then implement your teachings into their own practice. It takes the "Nurse Ratched" image away because you are offering pearls of wisdom to others.

Some co-workers will find this off-putting and label you as a total witch. Let them. Who cares? You know that you are focused on your patient and want only the best care for them. I have found that the people who label me as a witch are more focused on the milieu of the staff; they would rather fit in with the group and not make waves. They are not focused on patient care.

The reason we are employed is to take care of PATIENTS. The rest is static. Never lose your focus.

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well it all comes down to the fact that i cry when i get majorly stressed,its through feeling like a failure,feeling disappointed in myself (not in front of patients, normally in the sluice room, or at the end of a crappy shift) Ive also been having issues with the CNAs' ******** and sniping at me constantly which makes the atmosphere rather tense and results in me visiting the sluice room.

Its kinda hard to not take it personally when someone is being a ***** towards you all shift, every shift.Things have got so bad that i am considering going back on my antidepressant meds

Chixie,

First, let me say that since so much is lost in this type of communication, I will ask you to read the following as if it were coming from a very close friend who is listening and has a friendly smile on his face.

It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of needless frustration. I'd like to suggest that crying in response to frustration is an ineffective response i.e., you're doing what feels good and natural but it ain't gonna fix the real problem. We all feel frustration at times....sometimes, most of the time. I absolutely understand but while crying may soothe your feelings of frustration or anger, it's not going to address the source of the frustration.

I think you may need to be more assertive. This may be a skill you don't (yet) have or may not have developed to the point where it can be a tool for you to use in just these types of situations.

Having said that, let me also say that not having assertiveness skills doesn't make you a bad person by any stretch.....it's just a set of skills you don't have yet. Just like riding a bike or flying an airplane, you can learn. This isn't something that some people have and others never will. You can learn this. I would recommend looking for a counselor who may be able to provide you with a good start on developing your assertiveness skills.

Let me help you get started--> Each of us, no matter what our station in life is, deserves to be treated with fundamental personal and professional respect...PERIOD. Understanding this concept (which has been very difficult for me at times) is one of the first steps in asserting yourself. You have to think a little more highly of yourself. You have the RIGHT to be treated with respect, therefore it is not at all unreasonable to REQUIRE the people around you to extend that respect to you. Just because somebody treats you disrespectfully, doesn't mean you have to put up with it.

I wasn't always good at asserting myself and took alot of lumps from pushy, mean, overbearing or otherwise nasty people. I now know that it is up to me to place boundaries around myself and enforce those boundaries with rigor.

You don't have to live with this kind of stress and you don't have to tolerate bad behavior anywhere....especially at work.

Feel free to pm to discuss if you want.

Hope this helps

s

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