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Discussion

They're just not that into you

If you've ever read the book or seen the movie, you may remember some of the crazy things people tell themselves and what they do to get a little attention.

I've found myself doing similar things, but not with men. With HR offices. I recently woke up to this fact after I had to fight the urge not to take the cell phone into the shower with me. I'm usually tethered to my phone, because I'm afraid if the interviewer calls me and I missed it, they'll just call someone else and I'd miss out.

I'd leave a message with someone, then at 4:30 the same day, feel the need to call again, "just in case" they didn't get the message, if only because I don't want to wait until tomorrow. You know the excuses they make about why men don't call them back (maybe he lost his phone? maybe he had a family emergency? maybe he lost my number?Maybe I should just call him again to make sure). I make similar excuses about HR offices. Maybe she's not there today, she lost my message, forgot about it, is on vacation, etc. I replay every moment of the interview, thinking that maybe I'll find what I did wrong. But the lesson in the book/movie is more to accept that it's not that something is wrong with you, it's just not the right one.

At one point in the movie, one of the girls has a mundane date, he doesn't call her back, and she goes to extreme lengths to "run into" him. Even if the job isn't actually fantastic, it becomes much better in your imagination when you don't hear back, then suddenly it seems like you're missing out on something huge.

I know there are definitely flaws in this logic, and that my relationship with HR offices isn't really comparable to dating, but I'm learning to accept the signs when a recruiter is trying to say, "we're just not that into you".

Just thought I'd share that thought :)

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    • Expert

    What an interesting and very true comparison. With your insight and wit someone will surely call you back soon so although you don't need to bring the phone into the actual shower do leave it on the sink just in case.

    Keep us posted and I really hope you find "the one" very soon. :)

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    Love this thread. Great point. I hope others looking for jobs can try to look at it this way.

    Good luck. Probably, just like dating, once you accept you are gonna stay single, some guy comes along.

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    I thought it was just me doing that stuff!!

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    Nice insightful post :up:

    If someone or something isn't into you, just let it go. Move on and let it go.

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    Thanks, I needed to hear that...

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    It's not even that they aren't into you.

    It's being too needy. At 430 they're trying to wrap things up, maybe even done for the day.

    Your focus is on getting one job. HR focus is on a bunch of jobs, postings, interviews, I-9 compliance, employee grievances, maybe employee development & training etc etc etc.

    I had a firm job offer & for various reasons it took her 6 days to finally get back to me to wrap up the details. Even if they are interested in you, you don't want to scare them off by calling too often.

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    I love this thread!!!! I actually cited that movie in a thread a few weeks ago (having to do with someone not hearing back from an interview).

    I think another aspect of it (relating to the being "needy" remark) is that sometimes we put way too much energy into thinking that it's all about ME. for instance, a colleague sent out an email about how she felt many of us were not pulling their weight with a specific project. I am one of 20+ faculty, so she obviously wasn't directing it at me. On the flipside, I am sure that if I make a general statement to my lecture or clinical group, there are students who immediately assume I am talking about them (when I may not be). My point is (like in the movie, and in the OPs examples), we sometimes let certain things/people rent way too much space in our heads.

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    This made my night. :)

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    I had a firm job offer & for various reasons it took her 6 days to finally get back to me to wrap up the details. Even if they are interested in you, you don't want to scare them off by calling too often.

    For my current job, it took 6 weeks :eek: (I kid you not!) to turn my verbal offer into a written one. Why? All I can say is, I work for the government, and the wheels of the bureacracy turn sloooooowwwwly.

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