The Golden Rule

[Davey Do]

I have tendendency to treat others, in a given situation, as I myself would like to be treated:

If you're doing a good job, from my perspective, I'll let you know it. Please let me know it if you think I'm doing a good job.

If you are lacking in some area, I will inform you of the lack, so you can be pro-active. And, if I am lacking in some area, please lt me know, so that I too, can be pro-active.

If you need to be informed, I'll just give you the facts. That's what I'm going to want from you.

If you need to be confronted, I'll confront you. I'm sure as heck going to want the same from you.

If you need emotional support, ask for it in some way. I will let you know if I need emotional support.

I believe this is the essence of the Golden Rule.

However, my Peer/Co-worker/ Friend (a spiritual woman I work with) says that she wants to be treated better than she deserves. I get that. It is difficult to have face one's own pain and have to suffer the ramifications of our actions. So, in essence, she's saying, "Go easy on me, Judge".

But I say, "Give it to me straight, Doc. I can take it."

I think she may be a higher-conscioused individual than I am. She believes in acting toward others with in a "State of Grace" way, where I'm kinda stuck in the "Karmic Come-up-ins" category. And, our actions speak as loudly as our words.

What do you think? Where are you with all of this?

Give it to me straight. I can take it.

Dave

[GooeyRN, ADN, BSN, CNA, LPN, RN]

I want to hear it. Please tell me. Be nice and respectful while telling me, and not in front of patients or other staff members, but please do tell me! Some things will always cause hurt feelings, so it may be better to slightly sugar coat it in those cases, or at least say something positive first. Or put a positive spin on it. It has to be said, though. If people are regularly crying, you aren't delivering the message in a good manner.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i'm not sure if you were directing this to me, ilg...

but if you were, this nurse and i were "friends"...or so i thought.

i didn't chew her to pieces, and she didn't cry.

it was more along the lines of, "i don't understand how you can badmouth 'mary' the way you do...she would be horrified to learn that you were being disloyal."...all in steady, quiet tone.

that said, i agree overall, w/what you're saying.

leslie

no, i think she was talking to me.

yes, i've "made someone cry" numerous times -- i used to work with a nurse who cried every time anyone wanted to give her feedback, discuss a situation, talk about her rationale or whatever, no matter how tactfully you tried to phrase it. then it became all about the big ole meany who made her cry rather than the fact that she frequently screwed up and made the same mistakes over and over. no one wanted to try to correct her because she'd cry, then complain that she was being picked on.

i also made someone cry because i "barked at her in front of the patient." that part was true. what she didn't say was that i was trying to stop her from defibrillating artifact, and she wasn't hearing me until i barked at her. i'm sure i've also "made" people cry because of deficits in my communication style, but my point is that if one is regularly crying whenever they recieve feedback perhaps they ought to change their communication style. grow up, suck it up and listen the first few times.

[leslie :-D]

i'm sure i've also "made" people cry because of deficits in my communication style, but my point is that if one is regularly crying whenever they recieve feedback perhaps they ought to change their communication style. grow up, suck it up and listen the first few times.

i agree, totally.

comparable to, listen to the message and not the messenger.

while i do try to be "nice", i naturally am forthright and that can come across as abrasive to some.

i can measure my words but can't change how i sound...w/o sounding phony.

iow, i can only be myself.

so while i told this nurse that she needs to knock her crap off, it's not as if i was wagging my finger in her face.

i just said it matter of factly.

another time, there were 2 aides loudly arguing in a pt's room.

i got them both out of there, and addressed them firmly...that yelling in front of a (dying) pt is totally unacceptable.

one of the aides went crying to the don (that "leslie yelled at me") and i had to hear about it, about the "tone of voice".

i didn't "yell" but i was indeed unhappy about what i had witnessed, and they both knew.

so many times i just want to scream, "suck it up and deal."

afterall, these are 'adults' we're dealing with...aren't we?

seriously, i just don't know anymore.

leslie