The Flower and the Bees!

Published
by spotangel spotangel, DNP, RN, NP

Specializes in ED,Tele,Med surg, ADN,outpatient,homecare,LTC,Peds. Has 33 years experience.

Every experience in our lives shapes us in our professional and personal lives. A childhood experience shaped me and my reactions to look at safety and protection at all times!

You are reading page 2 of The Flower and the Bees!. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

spotangel, DNP, RN, NP

Specializes in ED,Tele,Med surg, ADN,outpatient,homecare,LTC,Peds. Has 33 years experience. 45 Articles; 516 Posts

Life is a precious gift and yours for the taking.

To squander it or lose it over a person or situation takes away your power over it and gives them the ability to make you feel less than you are.Why would you give them that ? Get out of the whirlpool this put you in. Use your experience to help others.You have no control over others actions or reactions but you are in charge of your life and how you use these experiences to help others. I hope the judges of this world catch him and right a wrong by you.

In my case, I didn't know them and was a frightened child. I used to be terrified that I would get pregnant and would be thrown out of the house and labelled bad. I was afraid to confide in my mom who was my best friend. Looking back, I think she might have killed them and ended in jail.I also didn't want to "break up" the family. It was a heavy load on a child but my mom was stretched thin taking care of 10 children after dad's death. My siblings ,husband  and  my youngest girl 16 year old, still don't know. My other kids do. I remember my son  and older daughter hugging me tightly after reading this. They had tears in their eyes and said,"We got you mom. You are safe and we love you!" It was the best thing ever to be comforted after decades of holding it in. They read this article separately but had the same reaction! The ones who love you will always do, no matter what! Know you are worthy no matter what happens in your life!

CommunityRNBSN

CommunityRNBSN, BSN, RN

Specializes in Community health. Has 4 years experience. 856 Posts

Thank you for sharing this. My mother was a child abuse investigator (a social worker) when I was growing up, and as a result of her work, she always thought there were child-molestors hiding behind every bush!  My siblings and I were not allowed to attend church-sleepover or camp events unless one of our parents was there, for example— as a child, I didn’t really understand why, but now as an adult I do. I am so sorry that you were unprotected and that these predators kept finding you and stealing your innocence. It is wonderful that you have been able to channel those experiences into a way to help other victims. 

spotangel, DNP, RN, NP

Specializes in ED,Tele,Med surg, ADN,outpatient,homecare,LTC,Peds. Has 33 years experience. 45 Articles; 516 Posts

I was afraid to open up and share. At work people have shared their stories. I felt that sharing this personal experience, maybe others can share or even feel validated that it wasn’t their fault. I never sent my kids for sleepovers either.The older two understand now but not the youngest. 
It’s very tricky to keep an eye out but whenever I have an occasional party at home and I am busy, the older ones watch out for the younger one. 

iNurs5, CNA

Specializes in Customer service. Has 1 years experience. 471 Posts

2 hours ago, spotangel said:

I was afraid to open up and share. At work people have shared their stories. I felt that sharing this personal experience, maybe others can share or even feel validated that it wasn’t their fault. I never sent my kids for sleepovers either.The older two understand now but not the youngest. 
It’s very tricky to keep an eye out but whenever I have an occasional party at home and I am busy, the older ones watch out for the younger one. 

It took me 25 years to keep it to myself. Since my siblings learned about me, I'm not worried of anything anymore. The raped victims back home were stigmatized. I'm just glad it wasn't my biological father. My friend was molested and penetrated as early as 3 years old until she started her period. Three of them were raped by their biological father. Her mother knew, but she wasn't doing anything. I asked her addressed. She didn't give it to me.  The girl I saw in my clinical in psych hospital was raped by her biological father. I had no idea why I was able to tell. I didn't even read her file. As a CNA, I've learned that some women were raped as children. I used to work night shift. Some of them had nightmares. I think that people have to be aware. I hope that it will lessen or prevent victimization. Some people don't believe it until they deal with it personally. 

Edited by Honyebee

J.Adderton, BSN, MSN

Specializes in Clinical Leadership, Staff Development, Education. Has 29 years experience. 167 Articles; 495 Posts

Thank you for having the courage to write this article and share your experience.  You will definitely touch the heart of someone who needs to read this and relate to another person.

spotangel, DNP, RN, NP

Specializes in ED,Tele,Med surg, ADN,outpatient,homecare,LTC,Peds. Has 33 years experience. 45 Articles; 516 Posts

I just hope that others can share without fear. I decided to write this after my visit in Jan 2020. It felt like a weight lifted after I saw it on paper.It would be good if this would be taught in schools and colleges and resources provided. Many college kids go through this especially after a night out of drinking. They are afraid as it’s the popular boy who has a large friend circle. I remember speaking to a girl who confided how there was an attempt but she managed to get out of it. I encouraged her to report him for the sake of his next potential victim who might be too drunk to resist. She did but was frightened that she would be targeted. I would love if this was part of the orientation package in colleges especially when kids are away from their usual support systems. I hope this article helps others to speak up or unburden their hearts.

pinkdoves, BSN

Specializes in Pediatrics, NICU. Has 3 years experience. 163 Posts

my best friend went through childhood sexual abuse. I have been through sexual assault as an adult (most women unfortunately do it seems) and abusive relationships. I once considered becoming a SANE nurse, but figured it might be triggering to me. It's unfortunate because I really do care about the patients.

I am a peds and NICU RN. Even when I see childhood abuse it kind of triggered me. It's a lot of emotional baggage sometimes

Edited by pinkdoves

spotangel, DNP, RN, NP

Specializes in ED,Tele,Med surg, ADN,outpatient,homecare,LTC,Peds. Has 33 years experience. 45 Articles; 516 Posts

I am sorry to hear about what you went through and what your best friend went through! No one should go through abuse child or adult.The scars are lifelong and painful and very easily triggered. Hugs!

Physical abuse within a marriage is more prevalent than one thinks. I always bring an adult patient by themselves in and talk to them before bringing in who ever comes with them. This gives them a chance to answer questions like are you safe at home? 

I found it fulfilling to help victims of rape and assault as giving them a listening ear and a safe space empowered them to take that first tiny step towards recovery. I was also very meticulous in my evidence collection for the rape kit, hoping that it would help them get the justice they deserved.

There is a lack of SANE nurses and a huge need for them. Surprisingly when I help someone else in need, My inner wound heals too! 
 Give your baggage up to the lord! This kind of healing can only come from above and not from humans. I have and I am at peace. 
Thank you for sharing pink doves. Know that you are loved and always perfect in the creator’s sight! 

iNurs5, CNA

Specializes in Customer service. Has 1 years experience. 471 Posts

On 1/2/2022 at 6:06 PM, spotangel said:

I am sorry to hear about what you went through and what your best friend went through! No one should go through abuse child or adult.The scars are lifelong and painful and very easily triggered. Hugs!

Physical abuse within a marriage is more prevalent than one thinks. I always bring an adult patient by themselves in and talk to them before bringing in who ever comes with them. This gives them a chance to answer questions like are you safe at home? 

I found it fulfilling to help victims of rape and assault as giving them a listening ear and a safe space empowered them to take that first tiny step towards recovery. I was also very meticulous in my evidence collection for the rape kit, hoping that it would help them get the justice they deserved.

There is a lack of SANE nurses and a huge need for them. Surprisingly when I help someone else in need, My inner wound heals too! 
 Give your baggage up to the lord! This kind of healing can only come from above and not from humans. I have and I am at peace. 
Thank you for sharing pink doves. Know that you are loved and always perfect in the creator’s sight! 

Yes, it does. It also happens to men or males. They are likely not to tell than the females. I hope that people bring awareness to this vicious cycle. 

spotangel, DNP, RN, NP

Specializes in ED,Tele,Med surg, ADN,outpatient,homecare,LTC,Peds. Has 33 years experience. 45 Articles; 516 Posts

You are absolutely right honeybee. Many men are physically and or sexually abused but don’t speak up. Many a time the perpetrator preys on disabled adults too. One has to be very astute and observant with nonverbal clients. The clues may be cowering, flinching, trembling and sweating sometimes, bruises covered by clothing, blood in underwear sometimes and even acting out behaviors.Those are red flags that warrant further investigation. As nurses especially frontliners we may be the first people to notice it and maybe even help stop it by getting the team involved. A targeted population is also the gay, lesbian ,transgender community and also inmates in prison. I have heard horror stories from nurses work in corrections and also ex felons who come in as patients. 

subee, MSN, CRNA

Specializes in CRNA, Finally retired. Has 50 years experience. 4,280 Posts

On 12/29/2021 at 11:28 PM, Honyebee said:

What's more nerve-wracking, my mother passed away 5-7 years later. My sister passed away then my mother. My father and mother weren't the same anymore. He became a habitual alcoholic and an angry man. My family has never been the same again. That animal took everything away from me. The ugliest part of it, his children are my relatives. I know that they have nothing to do with his crime, but I don't want them in my life. He never went to jail for it. Nada. That hurt and insulted me more than anything else in the name of preserving the “family reputation.”  

Family members' denials are the worst kind of betrayal to a child.  I hope you have separated yourself from these toxic people and  have made a new family of supportive friends.  

spotangel, DNP, RN, NP

Specializes in ED,Tele,Med surg, ADN,outpatient,homecare,LTC,Peds. Has 33 years experience. 45 Articles; 516 Posts

On 1/5/2022 at 9:38 AM, subee said:

Family members' denials are the worst kind of betrayal to a child.  I hope you have separated yourself from these toxic people and  have made a new family of supportive friends.  

Amen to that! Friends YOU can choose! Have people that lift you up not tear you down as your nearest and dearest!