THE DRAMA KING strikes again

[Browneyedgirl]

Many of you read my thread last week...

For those that didn't, my husband is CHRONICALLY late for work by 5-15 minutes, at least 2-3 times a week. His boss is sick of this irresponsible behavior and told him last week if he was late one more time, he would lose his job. His shift starts at 7am.

This week:

Monday---overslept, called in 15min. after start of shift and said one of the girls were sick and I had finals so he had to stay home. He went in 2 1/2 hours late.

Tuesday-2 minutes early

Wednesday---walked in at exactly 7am

Thursday---walked out of our house 2min before 7am

It is exactly one week before Christmas. I have not bought a tree or the first gift yet. I have $400 for Christmas but I'm scared to spend it because I don't know if he will be employed when the New Year gets here.

And if he does get fired, I am seriously considering packing his stuff and telling him to go home to his MAMA!

I am a full-time student. I bust my @$$ for school, around the house, and taking care of our three girls. I quit my job in April at his urging so I could concentrate on school more.

So, what would you do???

buy presents and have faith in him?

or hold on to the money and hope for the best?

if he does lose his job...would you keep him or make him leave?

[Hellllo Nurse]

Wow, sorry you are dealing with this kind of behavior in a husband.

Only you can decide what is best for you. However, I could not deal with a spouse like that.

I thank God for blessing me with the most wonderful, loving, kind, caring, responsible, faithful, intelligent, educated, supportive husband.

There are so few like him!

:kiss for my dh!

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

I think that eventually he will slack off to his old ways, it is a matter of time. Set your clocks ahead to keep him early and start saving a cushion of money that will allow you to leave if you need to. If graduation is near you may be able to make it until you get a steady nursing job, and then will be able to make a decision with your heart.

[barefootlady, ADN, RN]

canoehead gave the best advice. only you can decide if you want to follow it.

[LydiaGreen]

Wow. I am so sorry that you feel as though you need to make this decision. I have known for quite some time that I am one of the luckiest women in the world. My husband works full-time in construction during the week, works weekends in his big shop doing bodywork for friends, does the dishes more often than I do, reads to the children each and every night, has an area in the shop for the kids to play and draw and help with some things, he installed a big picture window in his shop so he can watch the kids play in the backyard, he makes sure that there is always enough coffee for me to have two cups every morning, and he tells me everyday that he loves me. He does all of this so that I can attend nursing school and not go crazy. Sometimes he'll leave his dirty socks on the kitchen floor or wipe the floor with the dish sponge... but those are the little things that I can easily overlook. I am lucky to have him. I am sorry that you do not feel the same support from your husband.

I am very sorry that you feel the need to seek counsel from an internet poll on the subject of your marriage. I don't believe that every marriage is worth saving, but no matter what is happening in your marriage right now, you loved him enough and accepted his faults enough at one time to marry him. I'm not going to give you advice on whether you should "keep him" or "leave him". Any marriage deserves more respect than having it's fate decided by the whims of a bunch of strangers. Good luck. And whatever you decide, I hope that you are SURE of your decision, that it will be the best for you and your children. Because you will have to live with your decision, and so will they.

[SmilingBluEyes]

yes seek marriage counseling asap...if he is not willing to cooperate, that may be a sign of worse things to come.

you have to live with this...and so do the kids, make sure the decision you make is solid as can be.

[VickyRN, MSN, DNP, RN]

I empathize with you. My husband has been out of work since the late 90's due to mental issues, and I have been the breadwinner ever since. The pressure of being the only breadwinner is enormous which no one can fully understand, if one hasn't walked in these shoes.

That said, marriage is a sacred covenant, between a man and a woman and God. It should not be broken lightly except for the most dire circumstances... infidelity, serious abuse.

So, I would say... if you are confused and unsure, then right now is NOT a good time to make a decision of this gravity. It is never good to make a decision whilst in a state of confusion or angst, as the decision made is often the wrong one. Give yourself some time and space. I would advise you and hubby to both go to your family minister (if you have one) or to a marriage counselor to sort things out. If he won't go with you, go alone.

[Browneyedgirl]

I"m not going to make a decison based on the whims of an internet chat poll.

I am frustrated. I am annoyed. I am terrified that he will lose his job. and the job market around here STINKS.

I also know as someone posted before never to make a decision based on emotion. that's not gonna happen.

I was mainly looking for insight from others.

He was actually on time today. And I did make it abundantly clear as nicely as possible that losing his job was not an option AFTER he refused to go back on his anti=depressants.

I brought the girls' alarm clock into our room and set it to go off right after his went off. he got up.

[Nurse Ratched, RN]

He is consciously making a choice repeatedly to endanger his livelihood (and your marriage by extension.) We had a great thread on here a while back about chronically late people and all the theories about why they think their time and lives are more important than anyone else's. Bottom line is, he can CHOOSE to be on time and continue to help provide a home for you and yours while you go to school to better yourself and improve your family's life. He can also choose to be an immature little boy who won't live up to his responsibilities. You have no ability to control him and can only choose how you react to him.

[Browneyedgirl]

Thank you Nurse Ratched. I agree wholeheartedly that he is making a conscious choice.

[MAGIK GIRL]

Originally posted by SmilingBluEyes

yes seek marriage counseling asap...if he is not willing to cooperate, that may be a sign of worse things to come.

you have to live with this...and so do the kids, make sure the decision you make is solid as can be.

also you have to take into account that if this issue is a sorce of argument and your kids see.....

also, your kids will grow up to be thier parents. "only you can prevent forest fires!"

i am all for trying, and whatever else it takes. but you also can't squeeze blood from a turnip. i do believe that people can change, however, they have to know they have a problem and

want to change. if they don't, they won't. no matter what they tell you.

yes, i speak from experience. mental abuse sucks but there is life on the other side. marriage counceling? yes, try it but get counceling for yourself too. marriage issues are hard enough to deal with alone - and with kids..... well, it just magnifies things.

yes, there is life on the other side. i too have found a wonderful man who is the light of my life, and i am his! if you feel like that about your huspand then that is the answer to your question. stick with it. if you don't feel that way, then......

but i do agree with the others who suggested you get a job and save some money and just be prepared for you and your kids future. like i always say, if you want something done, do it your self. unfortunatly, if you are in the negative way of my prevoius statement, then it applies to raising kids, house work, work, ect..

good luck, find out what your heart wants and then what your head wants and the right decision will be somewhere inbetween!

mg:kiss

[ktwlpn, LPN]

Originally posted by Nurse Ratched

He is consciously making a choice repeatedly to endanger his livelihood (and your marriage by extension.) We had a great thread on here a while back about chronically late people and all the theories about why they think their time and lives are more important than anyone else's. Bottom line is, he can CHOOSE to be on time and continue to help provide a home for you and yours while you go to school to better yourself and improve your family's life. He can also choose to be an immature little boy who won't live up to his responsibilities. You have no ability to control him and can only choose how you react to him.

Great post,Nurse Ratched...........I too am sorry that you are going through this.You seem to have the tools you need to cope.I admire the strength and courage you are showing.I was married to one of those once,also-but completely unencumbered(no children,no money,no property) so cutting loose was not as rough as it is for some....To me" for better or for worse" means things like cancer...not a spouse whom is being an irresponsible immature and lazy person.A marriage is a PARTNERSHIP-and it is his duty to help provide for the family...You are not his mother...and YOU and your children deserve more....You have said that you won't act hastily....Get your ducks in a row..I would quietly get my name off of everything (utilities,your lease) I could (maybe you can get a free legal consultation?)and sock away as many pennies as possible-get through school and then offer an ultimatum and counseling....and be completely prepared to follow through...Good Luck-I hope you can give your girls even a little bit of Xmas-they won't realize the difference between 40 or 400 bucks at their age....Look up some homemade spa type projects on the net-girly girls love to make stuff like lipgloss and sparkly lotions,etc....I'll send you some links-I saw some cool stuff on public tv awhile a go-I'll see if I can find it....Jars of colored bath salts(plain old epsom salts fragranced and colored with food dye) O my-what fun you girls can have.....

[Agnus]

The real question is are you willing to accept the behavior possibly for ever? If you are stay and continue to make allowances.

He does not want to work period.

If this is unacceptable to you is it unacceptable enough for you to take charge of your life and move on?

No one can tell you what to do. Only you can answer these questions. Be a big girl and answer them for yourself.