The definition of bullying vs. just being mean vs. being rude

[anon456, BSN, RN]

There have been a lot of threads on this topic. I thought this article defined the differences very well. I apologize if this was already posted.

Rude vs. Mean vs. Bullying: Defining the Differences | Signe Whitson

Rude = Inadvertently saying or doing something that hurts someone else.

Mean = Purposefully saying or doing something to hurt someone once (or maybe twice).

Bullying = Intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power.

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

Thanks for the info, tired of seeing accusations of being mean and bullying. Here and in my workplace. Most the time its just because of a difference of opinion. We should all learn the difference

[vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN]

"Bullying = Intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power"

This is a great way to distinguish between mean/rude vs picking on people.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

Rude, in my opinion, is a behavior. It is not usually "inadvertent" but can be subjective. The absence of a filter.

Mean is a personality. That is a part of who a person is, and presents themselves. People who are like this all time, and not just in work. Although whoop-de-do now we have to deal with miserableness in the workplace. Fun! Not.

Bullying is a direct task oriented situation set out to undermine. People set out to engage in specific scenarios to assert power, without regard. It is pathological in nature.

A bully may not be outwardly rude or mean. Most will be quite the opposite. Because they are so pathological in nature, most will sneak attack anyone they see as a threat. And "threat" can be anything from a co-worker's personality to seemingly "having it better" ie: schedules, being taken "seriously" accolades--any number of things.

Which is all very different than telling someone what they don't want to hear. Or correcting someone's error of ways. Or being very direct as to not put emotion into a work related situation. Or asking someone to do something that they know they need to/should be doing and are not.

And any number of bully calling is alternate personalities that are not playing well together. Which is different than those who methodically set up a scenario in which they "win" regardless of who steps on the bus to hell or not.

[joanna73, BSN, RN]

I find it tiresome when some posters say that other posters are rude, mean, or bullying when they are seeking advice and received comments that they don't agree with. Some people need to learn these differences.

When I am seeking advice, I would expect to hear variations, positive and negative. The difference of opinion is actually helpful because this can allow me to reflect on my own assumptions and weigh the pros and cons.

Simply validating exactly what I wanted to hear is not valuable at all.

[Not_A_Hat_Person, RN]

Cue the "I have never been bullied, so bullying does not exist" crowd in 3 . . . 2 . . .

[nursehaley91, BSN, RN]

I find it tiresome when some posters say that other posters are rude, mean, or bullying when they are seeking advice and received comments that they don't agree with. Some people need to learn these differences.

When I am seeking advice, I would expect to hear variations, positive and negative. The difference of opinion is actually helpful because this can allow me to reflect on my own assumptions and weigh the pros and cons.

Simply validating exactly what I wanted to hear is not valuable at all.

Sometimes I feel that it is very much a case of people not getting validation but at other times I've read a post from an outside perspective and can absolutely see how someone is taking someone's words as rude or mean. The internet doesn't allow for people to express emotion with their words but some posters truly seem to attack other posters if it's a topic they don't agree with. Just my two cents though.

[joanna73, BSN, RN]

Agreed. The tone of a post can be taken differently than intended.

However, I have also noticed that some posters are seeking validation. I've been around these boards long enough to notice.

[ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP]

I was accused of being rude the other day. I had just came into work and another nurse "B" was about to give me report on five pts. Then a pt.came up to another nurse "C" asking for food. This pt wasn't nurse C's but another nurse's entirely. There was a computer available to look at the chart for the patient's diet order and the unit clerk even told nurse C the patient's diet order (clerk was in computer system).

I told nurse C that there was a computer behind her in a calm tone. That's it. She continued to ignore the clerk who kept saying the diet order and tried to get nurse B to look for the diet order in the patient's chart even though it was end of Nurse B's shift and this nurse had five patients to give me and there were two other nurses logged onto the other stationary computers.

Later in the shift she comes up to me and aggressively tells me that I was rude to her. I was like...what? I was blind-sided.

I apologized even though I disagreed.

Just goes to show even the simplest of things can be seen as rude.