Stuck up RN?

roser13, ASN, RN · Dec 20, 2016

I'm still trying to figure out who the "stuck-up RN" is in this picture and how it is possible to blame one RN for what seems to be some dysfunctional behaviors on the part of OP's mom.

I literally have not heard the term "stuck-up" since high school.

Mr. Nightingale · Dec 20, 2016

My mom is stuck up lol. Im not blaming the nicu nurses or one significant person. im trying to understand whats causing her inablity To succeed in a job and if this can be related to her "traumatic first job as an rn years back.

KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN · Dec 21, 2016

Ok. So, we have at least THREE interconnected problems here:

1). Traumatic job experience. It is a common thing, and more serious than most people think of. The loss of self-esteem bullying causes is very difficult (to say the least) to overcome and can destroy one's career as well as personality as a whole. PTSD or not, if a person just cannot overcome that bad experience and still remembers it with bitter tears years after, then specialists' help might be needed. Although I must say that finding counselor familiar with work-related PTSD is very difficult, professional help might be necessary here. It is very telling that the OP's mom prefers to run "before she is fired" - it speaks volumes about the level of fear she's living in. I was there, too, and my heart is bleeding for her.

2). Obvious time management issues (and possibly more problems, like communication). This can be corrected, but only in place which feels it is worthy to invest considerable time and effort in support and, de-facto, re-training of a nurse. Such places exist, but they are few and far between.

3). Problem with "fitting in", possibly added by age, training level, maybe even accent, which all make the OP's mom feeling as an "outsider" everywhere she is employed.

Now, as a person who went through the similar experience including terrible bullying and PTSD, I can honestly say: it is not about job experience, prestige, salary, benefits or anything else; it is about job and people one feels safe and comfortable with. Everything else should be sacrificed to satisfy these two conditions - at least for the time needed to recover, get back on feet and make CV looking better.

So:

I agree that the OP's mom, whatever her nursing degree is, should not challenge herself with things she seems not to be able to do well enough. If she feels fine with home care 1:1, so be it for now. I would be careful with jumping into office work, as it can be fairly fast-paced and no physician will be happy with employee who slows it down. One other possible option might be RN positions in group homes where patients are more or less independent, do not take a whole bunch of meds and live fairly stable lives within their limitations. I have to communicate rather commonly with nurses who work in such places, and I grew up to deeply respect them, for they know their patients inside out and then some more, although most of them totally lack what can be named "acute" clinical skills. But that matters surprisingly little as long as their patients can be kept safe and comfortable.

Secondly, I would suggest counseling and possibly long-term professional help from a counselor or psychologist familiar with work-related stress and work-caused PTSD. Again, it is difficult to find such help, it may be pricey and require distance driving, but the results can be literally priceless. Some places have grass-root support groups for people suffering from work-related PTSD.

OP, your mom is not "stuck up". She has difficulties to find, among staggering multitudes of options, the area of nursing she's comfortable with. It has nothong to do with prestige, "acute" vs. "not acute", being "not a real nurse" and anything else but her deep trauma and possibly other limitations it (and other personal factors) imply; it doesn't make her "bad nurse" or "less than a nurse". She needs time and help to recover; be supportive and let her being "stuck up" instead of living in paralyzing fear of yet another rejection.

meanmaryjean, DNP, RN · Dec 21, 2016

OP: In American slang 'stuck up' means conceited, egotistical or self-centered. Your mother sounds like none of these things.

crazin01 · Dec 21, 2016

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You say she "challenged the RN boards." I assume that means she did not graduate from an RN program. That might be part of the problem. Just because you can pass a test doesn't mean you can function well in the RN role. Your mom never had the education to be an RN -- she never experienced the supervised practice that RN students get. It sounds to me as if she is being overwhelmed by the RN role because she is not prepared for it.

I second this. She performed satisfactorily (is that a word???) for 20 years as an LPN. And that is where the majority of her experience lies, in being an LPN. Was she aware of all the differences in scopes of practice for LPN & RN? I realize she's been an RN now for over a decade, but has had this issue, seemingly all along as an RN. And job-hopping further perpetuates the issues, as just when she is becoming more efficient at company A's charting/MAR, P&P, she resigns to prevent termination.

Also, I won't ask your mothers age, but (not trying to stereotype) is she good/adequate with computers and electronic charting, med administration? Not just in nursing, but just in general, a elderly person will not be as technologically advanced as a 23 year old for the most part. (stereotype done!)

She is lucky to have such a caring son. Best wishes to you both as she ID's and hopefully resolves anything contributing to the bumps she's run into as an RN.