Stepping Over to the Dark Side

You can't be "the boss" and expect to be friends too.

Change is hard. You have to support decisions that management makes that you would have complained about as a staff nurse. Then your friends say how you've changed with the job. Of course you have to change. Your perspective is different now. Just be positive and smile and do your best. You will find your support system again. Until then... there is us here!

I'm going to be accused of being sexist, but I think this kind of behavior is definitely a female thing. Guys generally don't act this way when one of the dudes starts bucking for promotion.

Anybody who has the power to hire me or fire me cannot be my friend. I think supervisors fall into that general category.

When a friend of mine was orienting me to charge, she mentioned that I would see my coworkers in a whole new light. I have to admit, she was right, although I might add that hasn't always been bad--there have been a few I have come to respect more.

Aw, honey, they're testing you. They know who you are as a co-worker. Now they have to size you up as a supervisor. If you get along with them as a peer, I doubt that it's personal. This would probably happen to anyone who tried to climb ranks.

Expect this kind of stroppiness and you're one step ahead of the game. Manage it without making your response personal or defensive, and you should do very well.

How do you do that? When someone asks you for something they don't merit (by staffing grid or whatever the standard is), don't argue. Just say, "Can't do it." Add a reason (that staffing grid, for instance) if you want, but only in the name of information. Don't attempt to justify your decision. With those who regularly try to push your buttons or get extras or exceptions out of you, try saying, "Sorry, no. Nice try, though." If you can do this without any hard feelings, you will show them where your lines are in a non-attacking way. Anyone who still persists needs to be told that pressuring you isn't going to change your response. And just leave it at that. If they're mad, so be it.

What I have seen is that you CAN wear both peer and supervisor hats but sometimes not at the same time. We have rotating charge nurses on my unit and they are all as friendly as can be with the rest of us most of the time. If there is ever a problem and they have to choose between charge and friend, it's an easy call. Anyone who wants to hold a grudge wasn't much of a friend to begin with.

If you are the only one going for this step of advancement, there may be some jealousy, but you don't have to receive it. Act as if everything is cool. Those who harbor a grudge or snub you will either get over it or they will communicate to you that you need to give them some distance.

Remember, they don't get a vote on your career.

I wish you the best.

I am fortunate enough to be friends with most of my employees. We an and do socialize outside work. We get along great at work. The hardest part was getting the respect as a knowledgeable and understanding boss. I rarely have to come down on them but I can and do when needed. They will learn to respect your decision as long as you are fair across the board with everyone all the time.

Anybody who has the power to hire me or fire me cannot be my friend. I think supervisors fall into that general category.

I have never worked at a facility where the supervisors could hire and fire. that is usually left up to the manager or departement head.

As someone who has been in a similar place, trust me, it will work out. Unfortunately, I found that once things smoothed over, I had gained a better perspective on how things worked "behind the scenes", but I had also found out the nurses who were open and willing to make things work as opposed to those who just wanted to complain and not do anything.

Good luck and don't let it get you down.

I agree with many posters. I had a supervisor who said she, "Just wanted to be one of the gals." But every time she entered the room I felt scrutinized simply because of the awkwardness of trying to be friends while being in a subordinate position to her. It was extra awkward when she would call me into her office once a month to talk about an issue that was more of a personal nature, but speaking as my boss. I did broach the topic with her eventually, telling her I was uncomfortable being friends and letting her know I have NEVER in any job had to be called to the office for anything other than a positive performance review or a raise. However, I was too uncomfortable and eventually quit.

I think for your issues, you just have to call people on it, and not let them use you.

I found it very easy to deal with the bedside nurses when they complained, "we need more help." I would look appropriately concerned and agree with them, "yes you have gotten a lot of admits tonight, yes your patient acuity is high." I would tell them I, or the "evening" supervisor, had made 10 - 20 - 30 phone calls to try to get extra staff. Then I would say the magical words, "I can help, what do you need me to do." I would fill out the new patient assessment paperwork, hang antibiotics, do a dressing change, change an ostomy patient's bag, whatever needed done. Unless the nurse is completely crazy they know a supervisor can't magically get more staff. They know how many times on their days off they have been called by the charge nurse, "we are short staffed today, can you work." And they said "NO." If "the troops" know their supervisor is really there for them, really willing to help when the going gets tough and acknowledge how hard their job is, they will all pull together. The bedside nurse want the charge nurse to acknowledge that "paper work, office work" should be the lowest priority over the nurses immediate needs.

You have not even started to see mean yet. You just wait. Being the supervisor is a thankless job. I don't know the size of your facility or what your responsibilities are but in our hospital the supervisor does staffing and also has to assign the admits plus deal with all the call in's and run for food and equipment. It is a major pain in the ass. Horrible job and they never manage to make anyone happy. Everyone thinks they are getting screwed. Everyone hates getting admits etc. Staffing is always screwed up. You name it, it goes wrong. Don't wish to make any friends in that job.