Some crazy/funny things that patients did.

[Blackheartednurse]

Do you have some memorable moments when your patient did some crazy thing that you had to laugh out loud.Last week my patient decided to purchase chocolate laxative (that suppose to help him,it is called exlax).There are 12 pieces of chocolate and you can only take up to 4 a day,my patient said it tasted good and eat the whole 12 pieces,he did had bowel movement lol ,and turned out to be ok:)))

[Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN]

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Ok where should I start. Right now I have a patient that says he drinks wookie milk, how one milks a wookie I am not quite sure and I am not going to ask.

Duh...they use breast pumps...

And thanks for sharing, Bob. Please continue! Or at least advance me a copy of your book!

[dura_mater]

All of these responses remind me of a joke I once heard. It's been a while, but let me see if I can tell it correctly.

~~A student nurse goes into the hospital one morning for her first day of clinicals. She was quite nervous, and kept telling herself over and over that she would go into her pts room, introduce herself and give her pt a bed bath. She kept rehersing all of the tasks involved in her head so that she would not make any embarassing mistakes.

She walks into the room, and cheerily says "hello Mr. Jones, my name is Amanda and I am here to give you a bed bath"

The patient says to her "are my testicles black?" The student nurse replies "huh?" The patient again says "are my testicles black?"

Now, the student nurse was in a bit of a panic. She was thinking to herself, now Mr. Jones is caucasian, so his testicles shouldn't be black, should they? What are black testicles a sign of? Does he have some sort of disease?

Do I really have to look that closely at his testicles? Oh gosh, what have I gotten myself into?

She mustered up all the nerve she could, and proceeded to examine Mr. Jones' testicles. After which, she proudly said "no sir, your testicles are not black"

To which Mr Jones replies "oh honey, that was great, but ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK????"

[coolpeach]

I have now been up for almost 24 hours, and these are even funnier without sleep. I am seriously laughing out loud.

[joanna73, BSN, RN]

Thanks for these! I needed a laugh :)

An 85 year old male pt happily scratching his genitals with the same metal fork he was eating lunch with. "Nurse! My balls are itchy! Grab another fork and help me scratch!"

Me: "Do you want help with a wash?"

Pt: "No! Just grab a fork."

[regularRN]

A patient once told me that in a previous life he was a fish...

[jeyre1847]

One day, I was doing a neuro check with a flashlight.

"Oh, are you going to do surgery today?"

"No, sir, why do you ask?"

"Then what's the screwdriver for?"

Apparently my patient thought my flashlight was a screwdriver, and has been operated on with a screwdriver.

[Up2nogood RN, RN]

I had a LOL who was A & O x3 who didn't want to bother anyone to help her to the BR so she pee'd in the nearest thing she could find. I found an emesis basin (kidney pan) on her bedside table FULL of urine and she didn't spill a drop!

When I worked on an alzheimer unit I had a little old man whom I would always find every night after dinner squatting over his garbage can in his room. And he always pee'd in the potted plants too, I don't know what happened in his past but I could not get that man into a bathroom for the life of me.

I took care of another LOL with dementia on graveyard and we'd always know when she was constipated because she would always strip off all her clothes and go wandering the facility at night. One night we looked everywhere and finally found her in another gentleman's room sitting next to him in in a recliner buck a** naked. 'Ernie' sure did have a big ol' grin on his face too;)

[HisTreasure, BSN, RN]

In clinicals, teamed up with a classmate some years ago we went in to give a heavier male patient a bed bath. As we're getting to the peri-area she starts getting quiet and sort of shying away from moving the sheet. I was conversing with the guy, making sure he was comfortable, talking about something totally unrelated. By this time, she's moved up towards the head of the bed and she's just standing there. Now it's awkward. So I proceed to tell the gentleman that I would be cleaning his peri area now. Before I can rip back the sheet, no lie, he turned to her and said "I know I'm fat, but I still have a ****, and if you pet it, it will grow and spit at you. Don't be afraid!" I nearly peed my pants! She didn't come back down to see if what he was saying was true, but she did help me turn him. LOL!

[Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN]

An 85 year old male pt happily scratching his genitals with the same metal fork he was eating lunch with. "Nurse! My balls are itchy! Grab another fork and help me scratch!"

Now, I've never had, um, balls, you know, attached to my body, but based on the relationships I've had with the male gender, I'm thinking that itch must have been something else if that man wanted something sharp and metal pointed there!