I had the worst clinical experience of my life yesterday, and my only hope is that when I graduate and begin my career as an RN that I can one day look back on this experience and laugh it off or at least brush it off?? I was completely humiliated during my OB rotation yesterday for being an 'overachiever'....
My clinical instructor used to work on this unit and will return to work there again at the end of this semester, so needless to say this unit is her baby. My humiliation began when my clinical instructor picked up my care plan I was working on at the nurses station as there was only one laboring patient and that was what I was supposed to be doing for the time being....anyway she picked it up and asked is this one nursing dx? I said yes....so she turned around showing my paper to the other staff nurses and said 'this is freaking ridiculous'...she continued to tell me that it was unacceptable and not how we write nursing dx's and we'd have to have a little conversation. Being that I'm a second yr student, I was super embarrassed.
She apparently went to a dif part of the unit announcing why she needed an empty room before she came back and said we needed to have that talk. So upon entering the room, I felt she berated and belittled me for just over 20 min when a simple this is excessive would have sufficed.
What I had done was a risk for post-partum hemorrhage based on the following risk factors and I bulleted the risk factors that applied. Now I realized that care plans need to be patient centered and typically you'd only want to add what applied, but this mom was laboring beautifully and there was really no problem other than the normal risks that could apply, so I added them all to be thorough.
I can't even begin to tell you how badly my instructor talked to me, I felt less than an inch while trying to fight tears so hard that I could hardly catch my breath. I'm an A student and not accustomed to this, so it was quite a shock. To add insult to injury, one of the biggest reasons I was crying is that even though this particular instructor has a reputation for being tough, I thought she was a great teacher and I really respected and looked up to her.
I guess I could have understood the way she handled the situation if I had done something unethical, illegal, unprofessional, or unsafe……but I didn't….I simply made my nursing dx too long. The punishment hardly fit the crime. To make matters worse, my instructor had zero sensitivity and/or sympathy or empathy for me or my tears, instead she said tell me you are not crying about this....are you crying about this, why are you crying right now? Then I felt like I had failed some sort of test of strength and character for crying.
While I understand that becoming a nurse is a huge responsibility as people will depend on me and many lives will be in my hands and it is the instructors job to ensure my readiness for this responsibility, I felt like my instructor's actions were uncalled for. I say this because once I entered the room she explained that she had not wanted to embarrass me at the nurse's station, which was too late at that point......and it was also a lie as once I was dismissed I asked if I could be excused to the restroom to gather my composure and while I was in there she apparently told the nurses 'if my student is crying it's because she got in trouble'……this coming from my nurse.
As if that weren't bad enough, I walk into the break room 20 minutes later to inform her I was leaving the floor for lunch and she was in there talking about me and my care plan and how ridiculous it was and would have been painful to read, while laughing about it with nursing staff. Before end of my shift, it felt like the whole unit knew and while I tried to be professional and put it behind me I continued to cry throughout the day due to multiple staff members and fellow students asking me if I was ok or telling me they were sorry.
I am not so naïve that I do not realize that as a nurse I will occasionally put up with poor or unprofessional behavior by fellow staff or providers, however, when lines are crossed there are procedures to follow. As a student, I am not sure if it would be beneficial or more detrimental to report my instructor.
I am still so hurt by the whole thing as I pride myself on striving for excellence and I felt I was ridiculed for it, and the worst part is this was at a small hospital on the very unit I wanted to apply to more than anything, which my instructor knew. I have a post clinical mtg with my instructor Monday and to be honest I'm super nervous as I'm not sure I can handle more negativity. I'm also scared I will fail professionally in my clinical for crying.
This experience has made me question if my skin is even tough enough for nursing, I'd like to think so as this was an isolated incident, but I feel maybe it hurt me more than I should have let it? I guess what I'm looking for is different perspectives……and advice on how to move on. The whole thing was just so humiliating that I'd have almost rather eaten broken glass than to return to that unit after lunch yesterday knowing that I was the laughing stock…..let alone apply to my dream job.
