So I just need to vent

[jennaroo]

I had the worst clinical experience of my life yesterday, and my only hope is that when I graduate and begin my career as an RN that I can one day look back on this experience and laugh it off or at least brush it off?? I was completely humiliated during my OB rotation yesterday for being an 'overachiever'....

My clinical instructor used to work on this unit and will return to work there again at the end of this semester, so needless to say this unit is her baby. My humiliation began when my clinical instructor picked up my care plan I was working on at the nurses station as there was only one laboring patient and that was what I was supposed to be doing for the time being....anyway she picked it up and asked is this one nursing dx? I said yes....so she turned around showing my paper to the other staff nurses and said 'this is freaking ridiculous'...she continued to tell me that it was unacceptable and not how we write nursing dx's and we'd have to have a little conversation. Being that I'm a second yr student, I was super embarrassed.

She apparently went to a dif part of the unit announcing why she needed an empty room before she came back and said we needed to have that talk. So upon entering the room, I felt she berated and belittled me for just over 20 min when a simple this is excessive would have sufficed.

What I had done was a risk for post-partum hemorrhage based on the following risk factors and I bulleted the risk factors that applied. Now I realized that care plans need to be patient centered and typically you'd only want to add what applied, but this mom was laboring beautifully and there was really no problem other than the normal risks that could apply, so I added them all to be thorough.

I can't even begin to tell you how badly my instructor talked to me, I felt less than an inch while trying to fight tears so hard that I could hardly catch my breath. I'm an A student and not accustomed to this, so it was quite a shock. To add insult to injury, one of the biggest reasons I was crying is that even though this particular instructor has a reputation for being tough, I thought she was a great teacher and I really respected and looked up to her.

I guess I could have understood the way she handled the situation if I had done something unethical, illegal, unprofessional, or unsafe……but I didn't….I simply made my nursing dx too long. The punishment hardly fit the crime. To make matters worse, my instructor had zero sensitivity and/or sympathy or empathy for me or my tears, instead she said tell me you are not crying about this....are you crying about this, why are you crying right now? Then I felt like I had failed some sort of test of strength and character for crying.

While I understand that becoming a nurse is a huge responsibility as people will depend on me and many lives will be in my hands and it is the instructors job to ensure my readiness for this responsibility, I felt like my instructor's actions were uncalled for. I say this because once I entered the room she explained that she had not wanted to embarrass me at the nurse's station, which was too late at that point......and it was also a lie as once I was dismissed I asked if I could be excused to the restroom to gather my composure and while I was in there she apparently told the nurses 'if my student is crying it's because she got in trouble'……this coming from my nurse.

As if that weren't bad enough, I walk into the break room 20 minutes later to inform her I was leaving the floor for lunch and she was in there talking about me and my care plan and how ridiculous it was and would have been painful to read, while laughing about it with nursing staff. Before end of my shift, it felt like the whole unit knew and while I tried to be professional and put it behind me I continued to cry throughout the day due to multiple staff members and fellow students asking me if I was ok or telling me they were sorry.

I am not so naïve that I do not realize that as a nurse I will occasionally put up with poor or unprofessional behavior by fellow staff or providers, however, when lines are crossed there are procedures to follow. As a student, I am not sure if it would be beneficial or more detrimental to report my instructor.

I am still so hurt by the whole thing as I pride myself on striving for excellence and I felt I was ridiculed for it, and the worst part is this was at a small hospital on the very unit I wanted to apply to more than anything, which my instructor knew. I have a post clinical mtg with my instructor Monday and to be honest I'm super nervous as I'm not sure I can handle more negativity. I'm also scared I will fail professionally in my clinical for crying.

This experience has made me question if my skin is even tough enough for nursing, I'd like to think so as this was an isolated incident, but I feel maybe it hurt me more than I should have let it? I guess what I'm looking for is different perspectives……and advice on how to move on. The whole thing was just so humiliating that I'd have almost rather eaten broken glass than to return to that unit after lunch yesterday knowing that I was the laughing stock…..let alone apply to my dream job.

[NurseGirl525, ASN, RN]

Here are my thoughts and you can take it or leave it. First of all, I understand you were upset, but you were in clinical in front of potential colleagues and you cried all day? Bad move. You looked weak and that you couldn't take constructive criticism. Your instructor may have been way out of line, I only know one side so I can't tell you, but I would have never cried. Not at clinical.

Why were you doing a care plan at clinical? We are not allowed to do that kind of stuff. We can gather background info but no care plan stuff. That is taking away from your patient. You say she was laboring beautifully. So what? As a nurse you should now anything can go bad in a blink of an eye. Clinical is not the place to get ahead on your homework. I think that is where you thinking you were being called out for over-achieving. You were getting ahead, getting all that A work done ahead of time, that's not what clinical is for, it's for that ever important patient experience.

Its hard to judge with the other nurses and students asking if you were ok, if it was due to you crying or if the instructor was out of line. There are three sides to every story.

The only thing you can do at this point is to chalk it up to experience, move on, and do your best. Good luck the rest of the semester. Like I tell my son, you won't mesh well with every teacher. But never, ever, let them see you sweat. You put an even bigger target on your back and she will go at you harder next time. You are entitled to cry, just do it in private.

[jennaroo]

Here are my thoughts and you can take it or leave it. First of all, I understand you were upset, but you were in clinical in front of potential colleagues and you cried all day? Bad move. You looked weak and that you couldn't take constructive criticism. Your instructor may have been way out of line, I only know one side so I can't tell you, but I would have never cried. Not at clinical.

Why were you doing a care plan at clinical? We are not allowed to do that kind of stuff. We can gather background info but no care plan stuff. That is taking away from your patient. You say she was laboring beautifully. So what? As a nurse you should now anything can go bad in a blink of an eye. Clinical is not the place to get ahead on your homework. I think that is where you thinking you were being called out for over-achieving. You were getting ahead, getting all that A work done ahead of time, that's not what clinical is for, it's for that ever important patient experience.

Its hard to judge with the other nurses and students asking if you were ok, if it was due to you crying or if the instructor was out of line. There are three sides to every story.

The only thing you can do at this point is to chalk it up to experience, move on, and do your best. Good luck the rest of the semester. Like I tell my son, you won't mesh well with every teacher. But never, ever, let them see you sweat. You put an even bigger target on your back and she will go at you harder next time. You are entitled to cry, just do it in private.[/quote

Our hospital is very small so in between taking care of the ONE patient that was in intrapartum I was supposed to be working on my care plan if I was done getting patients chart info...which I was. Otherwise I'd have been sitting there twiddling my thumbs and this is per my instructor....in fact we ran out of stuff to do and she had us watch videos for last 2 hours of clinical day.....so my care plan was appropriate as otherwise I'd have just been holding the counter down.

I agree that I looked weak, which is why I was so embarrassed, but at the end of the day I am also a human....I was hurt.

As far as saying my patient was laboring beautifully..no issues at the time...this is why the whole problem started.....On my nursing dx, I listed the possibilities of things that could cause a hemorrhage and because I listed them all, that is what upset my instructor.

I'm not arguing that I was right or wrong as at the end of the day, it is my instructors assignment and what she wants is what I need to turn in and I realize that. All I was saying is that I felt humiliated.

[jennaroo]

Thanks for the support and advice guys, the different perspectives are very helpful. I am feeling much better about the whole thing and doing my very best to turn it into a positive experience and just move on.

[annie.rn]

I typed out a reply and then the app promptly closed on me and it disappeared. Maybe that was a sign but I'm going to repost anyway.

To make it easier on myself I will say that I agree 100% w/ Heathermaizy. She says most of what I had written in my lost reply.

A lot of times I think the clinical instructors are the hardest on the students who have the most potential. Also, the most difficult instructors are often some of the best if you can keep your emotions in check. I know it's hard, we're all human. But, you can do this!

((Hugs))

Between now and your meeting on Monday, I would trouble shoot what you did wrong that day and be ready to explain how you will avoid those pitfalls during future clinicals.

She is just a speed bump on your road to becoming an RN. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and allow this experience to make you stronger.

[jennaroo]

I typed out a reply and then the app promptly closed on me and it disappeared. Maybe that was a sign but I'm going to repost anyway.

To make it easier on myself I will say that I agree 100% w/ Heathermaizy. She says most of what I had written in my lost reply.

A lot of times I think the clinical instructors are the hardest on the students who have the most potential. Also, the most difficult instructors are often some of the best if you can keep your emotions in check. I know it's hard, we're all human. But, you can do this!

((Hugs))

Between now and your meeting on Monday, I would trouble shoot what you did wrong that day and be ready to explain how you will avoid those pitfalls during future clinicals.

She is just a speed bump on your road to becoming an RN. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and allow this experience to make you stronger.

Thank you, I love this advice! And you are right, she really is an amazing instructor even though she upset me. I have most definitely brainstormed on how I can do better moving forward. Like I said before, I really am trying to use this as a learning experience and turn it into something positive.

[annie.rn]

Thank you, I love this advice! And you are right, she really is an amazing instructor even though sh e upset me. I have most definitely brainstormed on how I can do better moving forward. Like I said before, I really am trying to use this as a learning experience and turn it into something positive.

Awesome! You'll do great :-)

And in your defense, it doesn't seem like putting the hemorrhage stuff on the care plan was that egregious an error. Especially if she was on Pitocin. A woman could be laboring beautifully and then have an abruption. Labor then goes from really beautiful to really ugly really quickly..

[NurseGirl525, ASN, RN]

Jenni, if you can take it and turn it into a positive, that is great!! I have a tough clinical instructor right now, for other reasons, but I'm killing her with kindness. That is all I can do. I also work in a small rural area. And we can run out of things to do in clinical. Sometimes, I'm at the nurses station. If I'm there too long, I'm off to even just chat with the patients especially those who have already delivered. You know that taking in phase? The one where they love to chat about their birth experience? I let them tell me, a fresh face, about it. Sometimes it can help them transition into the taking hold phase with their baby. It's fun for them, I enjoy to talk anyway, and I'm on the unit doing something.

I never regret anything in my life as I always learn something whether it's a negative or a positive. You will be fine, OP.

[NurseGirl525, ASN, RN]

I also want to add, there is nothing wrong with crying. I often come home and cry with my boyfriend. I think he thinks I'm a giant wuss sometimes. But I never do it in clinical as it is my short chance to make a lasting impression there. It is human to cry. It's something I am teaching my son. And I cry when I get mad!! That can be frustrating. It's a part of myself that I hate. But in clinical or the workplace, I do absolutely everything not to let one person ever see me upset. It's also an art to learn how to keep those tears back. I have had to learn how to compartmentalize stuff.

[SRNA-TD]

Jennaroo,

I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. As a student who was also straight A and labeled as an "overachiever" this is something that resonates strongly with me. First, I encourage you to humbly evaluate the situation to see if you were indeed incorrect...rarely the case it helps to begin assessing each situation as an opportunity to learn. However, targeting a student for a simple mistake neither helps to educate the student nor does it promote better patient care. In fact, a new study suggests that rudeness - specifically in the healthcare workplace - can be detrimental to patient outcomes, even when the rudeness is not directed at the patient but rather the care provider. This is something to be considered by your instructor...

Ultimately, your instructor is doing NOTHING to educate you in this scenario. When no explanation is provided and a sound rationale explained, you are no better off providing the best patient care, which may compromise outcomes - PRIORITY #1 for a healthcare provider. The objective of a student is to LEARN. While I may argue that some of the best learning opportunities arise from mistakes, this is not an excuse to berate a student for an insignificant detail which is far from being life-threatening. I am not sorry to say that I am abhorred with the behavior exhibited by your "instructor."

You have shown initiative in developing critical thinking skills, evidence of keen planning abilities (my ICU mentality of "always prepare for the worst"), and a particular interest in providing the best patient care using research and evidence-based approved nursing diagnoses. I see nothing wrong in how you handled the assignment. Emotions sometimes get the best of us, and it is easy to let doubt conquer the situation, but I urge you to speak privately with the course professor. If s/he cannot do anything, escalate the chain of command up to the Dean of the school. Nursing is not about eating your young - it is about fostering an environment in which we can all feel safe asking questions and seeking most appropriate responses for our #1 goal: patient safety.

Don't let this drag you down. With your attitude you will certainly make a fine nurse someday soon. Best of luck!

[cubrnjvm, MSN, RN]

that is the biggest problem we have with nursing education today and for a long time now, unfortunately we have good nurses but awful instructors that lack of training as such and besides, lack of an important characteristic which is caring. We should care about everyone that does not mean we will be "soft" or inappropriate. I'm really sorry for this unfortunate event, if I were you I would formally notify your institution and will go through the appropriate channels. However, I understand how that work, sometimes, so it will be up to you. Nevertheless,I hope this does not make you turn into a negative nurse who will try to make other students and coworkers' s lives miserable.

[jennaroo]

I am so grateful, for all the advice and different perspectives.

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

First of all, PARAGRAPHS! Please, learn about them, use them!

Secondly, once you've slept on this "experience" a night or two, I think I'd have a follow up talk with your instructor. To have staff nurses commiserate to over how you were treated is a sign of something, and nothing positive I think. Was it just you and the instructor on the unit all day?