So Glad I found this Forum

Hi All,

The AllNurses Student Boards helped me out so much through Nursing School. After Graduation in May, I found the Grad. Nurse forum, but not much going on in there. I just stumbled on "First Year Nursing" and it couldn't have come at a better time.

Not that I'm happy to hear that everyone is struggling with their new jobs, but I'm glad to know that everything I've been going through is "Normal". A lot of posters said they're - their own worst critic and that's definitely ME. I think it's some sort of defense mechanism - if you joke around and make fun of your flaws before others have a chance to - sort of cuts down on any criticism they might give, or at least takes the sting out of what they might say.

Everytime I'd catch myself forgetting something - I'd beat myself up about it - in one breath, my Preceptor or Supv. would say - stop being so hard on yourself, you're new and doing great, it takes time to learn everything - the next breath they'd say - you forgot this or you really need to get quicker at x, y and z... Sort of a mixed-message - so frustrating....

Long story, I'll try to make as short as possible. I just decided to leave my first job on a surgical floor at a major medical center. Several hundred new grads applied to this place, only 80 of us were offered positions. I was the only one in my class to get a position at this hospital, so I felt really fortunate. I trained at a small community hospital, thought a lot of their ways were very antiquated and I'd have more opportunities to learn at a bigger place, but found out bigger isn't always better. It's huge and chaotic - you either sink or swim and most days I not only feel like sinking - I want to run out the door and never come back. It's not the patients (most are wonderful), it's just the place. As many years as I waited to go to Nursing School and as excited as I was to finally Graduate and get my RN - the experience I've had in the last few months has been a major let down. We were told in school that everyone eventually finds their own little "Niche" in Nursing and this definitely isn't mine.

I applied for a position at a small hospital in the next town. The few Nurse friends I have at my current hospital, told me "I'd lost my mind" and was making a huge mistake. During the interview - the Mgr said - well, this is a switch, usually people leave here to go work where you are now (thinking they're going on to bigger and better things), not the other way around. I wanted to be honest and started to tell her the reasons I was leaving my current hospital - she said - don't worry about it, I've been there, I get it and know what you're looking for.

This hospital definitely doesn't have all the "bells and whistles" like my current place -actually, some parts of it are really old, looks like something out of the 50's. Like some place Ward and June Cleaver took the "Beaver" when he broke his arm (it's old)... I'm probably a weirdo, but that's what I liked about it - had that homey touch, very inviting, friendly atmosphere. My husband's been a Therapist at my current hospital for years - he said, you like "old stuff", that place suits your personality.... HMM, I think that was some sort of sideways compliment.....

I asked 2 little old ladies (volunteers at the info. desk) for directions to my interview - they proceeded to ask me about nursing school, where I was from, what job I was going for and wished me luck. After the interview, they saw me leaving the lobby, called me over, asked how it went (I got the job) and these 2 ladies I'd never met before said - Honey, we're so happy for you, you'll love it here. WOW, that would NEVER happen where I'm at now. I've sat in our break-room eating lunch (alone) and some co-workers wouldn't give you the time of day, let alone actually have a conversation with you...

If I have to spend 12 long hours working my behind off - I want it to at least be in a friendly place where I feel like a person with some value and not just employee #1234. I don't usually stick my neck out into unfamiliar territory, so I'm just praying that I'm taking my Nursing Career in the right direction. I love Nursing, just have to find the right place to practice it. Wishing you all the very best....