Smoking around child w/resp. problems

[WVUturtle514]

Okay, I'm going to try to make a long story short. My soon-to-be husband has two wonderful children (ages 7 and 9) from a previous marriage. We share custody (50/50) with his ex-wife and her husband. My fiance's son has had moderate to severe respiratory problems since birth due to the fact that the mother smoked throughout the pregnancy. He is on several PO medications and has nebulizer treatments every night before he goes to bed.

Here's my issue: Their mother continues to smoke (like a freight-train) around the children, including inside the house and in the car with them, and my fiance says nothing about it!!! This infuriates me!! :angryfire Now, my fiance is a nurse as well and he obviously knows the dangers associated with this, especially with his son having so many respiratory problems. When I bring it up his reply is, "I've tried talking to her about it before and she just gets pi--ed off. She's an adult, there's nothing I can do about it." The kids and their clothes, toys and backpacks reek of smoke everytime they come back from their mother's house. What should I do in this situation? Am I overstepping my boundaries? Should I just leave it alone? My main concern is for the health of the children. Any and all thoughts and replies will be appreciated! Thanks!!!!

[BKRN]

I told my lawyer and we had to take him to court - had a hearing in front of some court-appointed person, but I got a COURT JUDGEMENT that he (or anyone else) could NOT EXPOSE THE CHILDREN to second-hand smoke.

Good for you!!! I don't think that this would be an option for the OP without the backing of her fiance.

It is so hard to understand why in this day and age a parent would expose their child to second-hand smoke.

[clee1]

This issue burns me up, too. However, I read a recent statistic that 43 percent of all American children live with one or more smokers. That is almost 1 out of every 2 children being exposed to carcinogens and that awful stench. After reading those stats I can only conjecture that millions of other selfish parents are smoking in enclosed spaces and in the presence of their children.

Mark me down as a smoker that does NOT smoke in the house, in the car when ANYONE else is present, etc.

My addiction is my addiction.... and I was raised to believe that it isn't right to force others to share my problems.

Parents, if you love your kids, smoke elsewhere!

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Town and Country is right - your fiance can actually do something.

I had my lawyer bring up the fact that my soon-to-be ex was an alcoholic and illegal drug user . . . . he was forbidden from drinking alcohol and using drugs when he had the kids or he would lose visitation. I would have added smoking cigs too if he had smoked them.

You can't do anything if your fiance won't - it is really his fight, not yours. Unfortunately.

steph

[SmilingBluEyes]

when I was a smoker, I took it outside the house and car out of consideration of my (then) boyfriend and others who did not smoke. I would never smoke around my kids, not for a million bucks. I would never be able to forgive myself if I caused health problems indulging in smoking around them.

Everyone has the right to smoke or drink, but infriging on others' rights to good health and safety is not something I find fair. JMO.

[PhoenixGirl]

Smoking around children, especially when they knowingly have a respiratory problem, is *insane* I just can't imagine why any adult would be so selfish.

The health of his children have got to come first. I realize he doesn't want to upset her, because it causes him more problems, but he's got to do something.

My father is an alcoholic. I will not let him babysit or drive with my children in the car. And he knows exactly why and I'm not afraid to remind him of it. I love him to death, but hurting his feelings is better than my children getting hurt.