Sister-in-law dating ex-con

[NurseAction]

I have a sticky situation going on in my family. My sister-in-law has been dating an ex-con on and off for the past 5-6 months now. I have been avoiding being around him like the plague because during my orientation we were instructed not to entwine with convicted felons on or off duty. I have no desire to do so, but now I am being excluded from family functions because her boyfriend is more important that I (per my father-in-law).

I don't want to have anything to do with him, but he has been kissing up to the rest of the family to the point that my father-in-law is now calling me a bigot for my not wanting to be around this man. I have a funeral to go to tomorrow morning and of course he will be there sucking up to everyone. He never met the person who is being buried tomorrow, and I have known her for 10 years now. He blew up at my husband one time when he inquired how he made his living since he is telling everyone that he makes his money "growing green peppers" and usually has a wad of $100 bills in his pocket.

I could go on and on about this situation, but I would just like the opinion of others as to if I should go to the funeral anyway and just tell him up front that we still are not to socialize, or just keep walking away from him if he comes near. My sister-in-law is one of those hug hug persons, and I don't want to pretend that I like her anymore. The fact that I have known this family for 10 yrs. and been married for 5, quite frankly pisses me off. This new guy who is a CON in every sense of the word is making me the outcast when in fact he is the one who should be standing on the sidelines.

One more thing before I submit and hope that somebody reads this and comments is that he is a very heavy drinker and has had to have 911 called once during one of THE breakups(of which there have been several), because he refused to leave. Oh yes, he is driving with a suspended license too..........and has an outstanding ticket for close to $300 for driving with a suspended license which he has yet to pay even with the wads of money that he has.

Now I will shut up and sign back in tomorrow morning. Thanks for listening, hope I can now get some sleep!

[tencat]

Maybe I missed something, but wouldn't she be your EX-sister-in-law? Or is she a widow?

You know, I think you are totally right to be leery of this guy. They call them 'cons' for a reason.....most of them are manipulative and conniving, and this guy sure sounds like he is good at weaseling his way into the family. Unfortunately, they are also good at making anyone who would see through them look like they're the bad ones. Most people come to their senses eventually. You just have to wait for the con to slip up and show his true colors.

[**nurse**]

tell the facility, keep your distance and go. At my facility that would cover me, and if he were reincarcerated he'd have to go up the road to a different institution. My job would be secure.

[**nurse**]

whoops.......missed the second page :imbar . Glad you went, and glad you trust your instincts. It's not about giving him power in this field, it's about giving him OPPORTUNITY. He might have friends on the inside still, or could return, and it's a very good idea not to have convicts knowing about your family, where you live, your homelife. That's why security is so big on it. Much different from socializing with a patient from any other field, repulsive person or not.

[jamangel]

Was your husband in prison or was he in jail? I think there is a huge difference between the two. I have several friends who have spent time in the pokey for minor, stupid stuff, but prison? I wouldn't go near someone.

He isn't engaging in lawful behavior if he is abusing alcohol, driving on a suspended license, and causing disturbances to where 911 has to be called: That doesn't sound like someone who was falsely accused, and I don't know of many people that sell green peppers that walk around with large amounts of cash on hand. Something doesn't just smell, it reeks.

Stick to your convictions. Your first instinct is dead on.

My husband went to prison at 26. This was before I knew him. There is a big difference between the two as I have worked them both. I'm not implying that the situation man involved is clean or falsely accused. Does he sound dirty? Yes. My only thing is that this is her sis in laws life and not hers.

Personally, I think her own history in reference to ex-cons has made it very easy for her to decide to shut her sis-in-law out. I think if she deems it necessary to stay away from the felon then she should but if her sis-inlaw understands that then why shut her out. If her sis-in law understands that then she understands they'll be functions that Kat won't attend. Then there's the whole idea about the father-inlaw accepting him. I think that there's alot to be said in that alone. Maybe the father-inlaw refuses to pass judgement but if he were aware that he was not on the up and up he may change his stance. Truthfully, I wonder if Kat would even give him a chance if he were on the up and up.

P.S.

All felons are NOT nice guys but ALL can't be considered NOT nice either. My husband was by all verifiable accounts and is a nice guy.

[Mudwoman]

IF he hasn't gone flat, he will have a parole officer. You can file a paper with the parole officer that you can't be around him. You can also tell the parole officer that he is drinking, and that he is driving with an invalid license. All that is a violation of his parole and he would be out of there.

Don't worry about the FIL, the true colors of these guys does eventually show up. As you can see, they are smooth talkers and really good at their game.

[oneLoneNurse]

One thing if the guy is straight, another if he is drinking, driving with a suspended license and walking around with alot of bills in his wallet/pocket and telling people he is earning it by selling peppers. OK we have all made mistakes, BUT this guy with all these variables doesn't sound straight. I would stay away from him as much as possible, BUT be pleasant. There are just too many variables, here that sound odd.

[NurseAction]

Maybe I missed something, but wouldn't she be your EX-sister-in-law? Or is she a widow?

You know, I think you are totally right to be leery of this guy. They call them 'cons' for a reason.....most of them are manipulative and conniving, and this guy sure sounds like he is good at weaseling his way into the family. Unfortunately, they are also good at making anyone who would see through them look like they're the bad ones. Most people come to their senses eventually. You just have to wait for the con to slip up and show his true colors.

Clarification here: My husbands sister has been divorced less than a year, her sons, who she was granted custody of wrote a letter to the judge asking to live with their father due to their "mother's behavior". The judge granted their wishes after a hearing. I Don't know all of the details and she won't share them with anyone BUT it came out that the boyfriend was spending the night alot of the time after they both had spent nights of heavy drinking together. I am just glad that the boys had the common sense to get out of a bad living situation when they saw it. They are both teenagers and I personally think they need the male bonding with dad rather than hear/watch their mom and her boyfriend being irresponsible.

As far as my having my own ulterior motives, well lets just say that there is no love lost. She knows how I feel about him and yesterday while exiting the church she came up to me and asked if I planned on attending the dinner after the gravesite service. I replied "yes" and she said OK then walked away. She may have planned on picking him up for the dinner but opted not to knowing I would be there........I'm only speculating but personally think that it would have been tacky to attend ONLY the dinner and not pay last respects, but as I said before, he did not know the deceased or her family.

Let me just add that this whole situation has been an interesting experience and I again thank you all for your input. I realize that people have redeeming qualities, but when I catch a person in a lie right off the bat, (the actual reason he was incarcerated) there's alot of repair that needs to be done. I have been made out to be the bad guy and I can live with that. Good cop, bad cop..........it's a matter of opinion. I for one would now like to put this baby to bed. Thanks again.

[sirI, MSN, APRN, NP]

OP requests thread be closed. Thank you for all the responses.