Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

Nurses Humor

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We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2:

Here's mine...

I keep remembering a particular incident a few years back. It wasn't even my patient.

I was heading down the hallway on the CCU unit in which I worked. I was minding my own business, heading down the hallway and I just happened to glance into a patient room...

I couldn't believe what I saw...

An older gentleman, who clearly was having some post-op dementia after open heart surgery....

he was sitting up in the middle of his bed and with knees bent and feet braced at the bed rail for extra support....

With both hands...

HE WAS PULLING on all of his CHEST TUBES with ALL OF HIS MIGHT!!!

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Needless to say, I sprang into action along with all the surrounding nursing staff. It took security along with all of us to restrain this man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Though it wasn't funny at the time....I can't get this picture out of my mind and find it amusing to remember.

What's your story?

6AM, a res asked one of my CNA's if she could get him in the shower because he had a Dr's appt @ 9am. He is a SBA with min assist to wash backside so my girl said yes. While res was undressing, CNA's said "Ok, whats the #1 rule?" In this small, all tile room where sound echos, res states in a very loud voice " DO NOT UNDER ANY CERCUMSTANCE, STAND UP OR ALLOW ANY AIR BETWEEN MY ASS AND THE SEAT BENEATH ME! COME RAIN, SNOW, SLEET, HELL OR HIGH WATER!" CNA came running out laughing saying " I think I just peed myself" I'm laughing because as soon as he started yelling I got this immediate pic in my head of him standing at attention, naked in the shower!!!!

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

Vicky,

I'm unable to log onto your link with my computer. Is there another way I can get any of your stories? I'd like to send you some of mine also because like you, I have been a frequent flyer as an inpatient and have a couple hilarious ones.

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

I tried the @ link and could not get in to it.

Specializes in Cardiac, Telemetry.

There was the guy in DT's who took out his IV and was trying to plug it Into the phone to hook up his cable TV.

My 90 lb. soaking wet dementia patient tried beat me up (she was really strong - grew up on a farm) because I told her there were no goats in her room. After that, I made sure to feed them every time I came in....

I was assisting a nurse with a fecal disimpaction on a confused guy, holding him still so that she could disimpact away: "Alright, that's enough hanky panky!!"

I walked into my patient's room at 4am to get vitals, only to find some woman in his bed, foot hanging off the side, snoring away. The guy was such a gentleman he slept sitting up in the chair and gave his wife the bed.

One man had an idiosyncratic reaction to something and got very confused. I found him in another patient's room pulling down his pants to use the "restroom" ie trash can. I convinced him that wasn't the real bathroom and I would show him where it was. We passed 3 trash cans on the way back to his room....he really had to go :D

Hospital security showed up one day on the unit running for a room. Turns out someone's grandkid got bored and was playing with the phone, accidentally dialing the emergency line for workplace violence.

Noncompliant diabetic called 911 and told them we were holding him against his will, because we wouldn't give him his will...because we wouldn't give him a cheeseburger and fries before his cardiac cath!

One lady with dementia became so combative she had to be poseyed into a wheelchair, and stationed at the nurse's desk with a sitter (me!). She alarmed many passers-by asking for a knife, scissors, a gun, police, etc. I finally gave her a pair of hemostats and she happily hacked away at her posey, muttering about "these dang blunt scissors" and what would happen if she ever got free.

And my absolute favorite: we had 2 patients in DT's at the same time, both slotted for semi-private rooms. Logically, we put them in the same room so other patients wouldn't have to have them as roommates. Both are confused, foul-mouthed, and in 4-point restraints. It was rather entertaining listening to them arguing with each other (I'd had one too many alcoholic patients at this point). Finally, after a while, bed B escapes his restraints, feels sorry for his roommate in bed A, & releases him from restraints. Guy A promptly has a massive BM in bed B. Bed B then escapes (until the police pick him up wandering down the road in his hospital gown).

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
mousieroo said:
Hospital security showed up one day on the unit running for a room. Turns out someone's grandkid got bored and was playing with the phone, accidentally dialing the emergency line for workplace violence. :lol2:

And my absolute favorite: we had 2 patients in DT's at the same time, both slotted for semi-private rooms. Logically, we put them in the same room so other patients wouldn't have to have them as roommates. Both are confused, foul-mouthed, and in 4-point restraints. It was rather entertaining listening to them arguing with each other (I'd had one too many alcoholic patients at this point). Finally, after a while, bed B escapes his restraints, feels sorry for his roommate in bed A, & releases him from restraints. Guy A promptly has a massive BM in bed B. Bed B then escapes (until the police pick him up wandering down the road in his hospital gown).

:yeah:This is one of the reasons why I love nursing so much. Where else could you have such experiences that make humorous fond memories?

MamaTheNurse said:
baaahaaaahaaaaa - OMG, I would have died................. :rotfl: :rotfl:

Do you think Jesus would have tried to revive you? ?

Specializes in Everything except ER, surgery, peds, ICU.
:nurse: A few years ago, I was working on a rehab floor and we ended up getting a quite elderly woman, I'll call her "Greta." One day the CNA who was assigned to her came out of her room with a look of horror on her face and said, "Mary, there's something wrong with Greta, there's a weird thing bulging between her legs, it looks like a......" I told her I would take a look at it, but knowing her history, I knew it was her prolapsed uterus. Being the jokester I am, I decided to take it to the max with the CNA. After looking at Greta, with the CNA in the room, I said "Oh, that's her uterus." The CNA was shocked and asked why it was on the outside of the body. I said, "Well, whenever you have a baby, eventually your uterus falls out. Everytime you cough, sneeze, pas gas, laugh, it will fall out." She asked me does this happen to all women (oh, how gullible!) Yes, I said, usually by about 40 or so, and if you can't afford the surgery to put it back in place, you have to wear special underwear to keep it in place. She said that must be very inconvenient. I said, think about what it's like to have sex!! I eventually told her I was joking, I really had her believing me for a few minutes.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, home-care.
lovemydeano said:
:nurse: A few years ago, I was working on a rehab floor and we ended up getting a quite elderly woman, I'll call her "Greta." One day the CNA who was assigned to her came out of her room with a look of horror on her face and said, "Mary, there's something wrong with Greta, there's a weird thing bulging between her legs, it looks like a......" I told her I would take a look at it, but knowing her history, I knew it was her prolapsed uterus. Being the jokester I am, I decided to take it to the max with the CNA. After looking at Greta, with the CNA in the room, I said "Oh, that's her uterus." The CNA was shocked and asked why it was on the outside of the body. I said, "Well, whenever you have a baby, eventually your uterus falls out. Everytime you cough, sneeze, pas gas, laugh, it will fall out." She asked me does this happen to all women (oh, how gullible!) Yes, I said, usually by about 40 or so, and if you can't afford the surgery to put it back in place, you have to wear special underwear to keep it in place. She said that must be very inconvenient. I said, think about what it's like to have sex!! I eventually told her I was joking, I really had her believing me for a few minutes.

YOUR BAD....:clown: I remember how frightened I was. Then this other aide tells me to reposition it ! Seems the aides were doing this in the past... I went to the gyn with this poor demented lady, but refused to do it myself!!:eek:

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

Nah, lovemydeano isn't bad, but she is very mischievous like me. Cheesy smile :))

I work in LTC,so there is always some thing funny that a res will say. One day I was sitting at the desk doing some charting,I hear one of my res "Oh my,you have a big package". I look up to find the FedX delivery guy all red in the face!!! :o LOL

Specializes in NICU/Neonatal Step-Down.

My friend who works in LTC told me this one and I die laughing when i picture it everytime lol

She has a patient who is a tiny old woman and a HUGE fall risk (confusion,history of falls,weakness,etc.), this facility is very much against restraints, and I guess she had already fallen once before with the use of a bed alarm so they resorted to drastic measures with her.

They give her this concave mattress right on the floor in the middle of the room so that the patient just kind of sinks right into the middle of the mattress and cant get out. Then all around her they fold out big layers of padding too, just in case. Well my friend checks in on her and sees her straining and almost toppling over onto the floor reaching both her arms out over the side of the special mattress, so my friend rolls her back over to the middle of the mattress, reorients her and leaves to check on others. Well she comes back later and all the padding is folded and piled up in one corner and the lady says "I cleaned up!!" lol She is still trying to fall even from a matress inches from the ground!

I guess she does this CONSTANTLY lol :D

Anyone had to disimpact a patient? That's REAL fun. Only time I almost vomited in a patient's room... Oh this is funny...1st time: Had one of our doc's mom as a patient...(with severe dementia)... Received order to disimpact her...Dr. Son comes by to check on her, unfortunately for him his timing was during the "intervention"...And I needed help...hee hee hee. So he's in the room with mom talking me through the procedure while she is yelling profanities, and he ended up needing to step in b/c I was unable to loosen any stool (poor thing was severely impacted). Had to disimpact his own mom. He swore me to secrecy afterwards b/c his colleagues would never leave him alone if they knew!

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