Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

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We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2:

Here's mine...

I keep remembering a particular incident a few years back. It wasn't even my patient.

I was heading down the hallway on the CCU unit in which I worked. I was minding my own business, heading down the hallway and I just happened to glance into a patient room...

I couldn't believe what I saw...

An older gentleman, who clearly was having some post-op dementia after open heart surgery....

he was sitting up in the middle of his bed and with knees bent and feet braced at the bed rail for extra support....

With both hands...

HE WAS PULLING on all of his CHEST TUBES with ALL OF HIS MIGHT!!!

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Needless to say, I sprang into action along with all the surrounding nursing staff. It took security along with all of us to restrain this man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Though it wasn't funny at the time....I can't get this picture out of my mind and find it amusing to remember.

What's your story?

Hey it's me again. I have a couple of more funny stories from my student days.

While I was going through uni I worked as a carer for a nursing agency. I have many funny stories to tell from those days particularly when I went to nursing homes and attended residents in the early stages of dementia.

The first story relates to one shift I had in a hostel where the residents are relatively independant but still need care. One of my allocated men was about 6ft 4ins tall and in early demetia. I only stand 5ft 7ins. We were having an interesting circular conversation about the weather etc when all of a sudden he turned to me and said "You know I am absolutely amazed at the number of tall people that work in this place..... I mean look at you, you're almost tall." I laughed and thanked him for his train of thought. As a result of that, I have had a T shirt made that says "I'm not short....I'm almost tall."

The other tale I would like to share came from a Catholic nursing home that had a number of nuns as residents. The home respected the nun's

views on chastity etc and did not allocate them to the care of males if they had a good cognitive function. However there was one nun, who I will call Mary (not her real name), who was suffering from early to mid stage dementia, was still able to ambulate but needed guidance and help to wash and dress properly and also had a very short memory. Mary was a lot of fun because you could hold a conversation with her (albiet short) and she had a wicked sense of humour that had come out as her dementia progressed. I went to her room and was in the process of making her bed. Mary was sitting on a chair still wearing her night gown having just finished washing her face. She said to me "Tell me, is this the first time you have ever attended a nun?" To which I replied "Well yes Mary it is, as a matter of fact." To which she abruptly stood up, pulled off her night gown and, standing directly in front of me stark naked, said "Well tell me now.....are we any different?"

Well I was surprised to say the least but managed to blurt out "Ah no Mary you are just the same as everyone else." To which she replied "Well thank God for that." and proceeded to get dressed as if nothing had happened.

I think those sort of funny events make our job special. Hope you enjoy my stories.

This thread is ssooo funnyy..i nearly fell on my chair reading all this hilarious stories..this will surely make your day after a hard time job ...

I just want to share my embarassing moment when i was doing 1 of my nursing routine..aka..changing pads...ok..here we go...i was assigned to work in a geriatric ward and its 4 pma nd its time for me to change my pt. nappy...she was sitting on a chair..she can stand with 1 assist..i told her that i'm going to change her napy..to cut the long story short..as soon as i assist her to stand up ...i farted..:uhoh21: its just came out naturally....i immediately looked at my patient and she just didn't make any comments...because she's confuse ( well.slightly)..thank God the curtain is close...and as soon as i'm finished..i open the curtain pretend nothing happen.....

Orca said:
Two incidents stand out. Both happened early in my career, when I was working on an adult mental health/chemical dependency unit. The first was a male patient with bipolar disorder, who I would later have as a patient several times. During our first meeting, he came to the desk and asked if he could talk to me. I agreed. With every ounce of seriousness he could muster, he said "I'm going to have to resign as captain of the Starship Enterprise, because I'm not ready for the responsibility. I'm going to have to call Captain Kirk and tell him." Fortunately he did not linger for long at the desk, because I had to go in the back and laugh after he walked away.

The second incident involved two male patients who both believed they were Jesus Christ. The dueling Messiahs each tried to establish supremacy over the other by performing miracles. When one tried to part the water in a styrofoam cup, I had to leave the room!

The dueling Messiahs is the funniest thing I have heard. Then they tried to part water in a cup is just the cherry on top of the sundae. Thanks for the amusing picture. ?

I was assigned to a very elegant, elderly lady who was on bed rest. Bringing in her morning care supplies, arranging her basin of water on her over-bed table, I asked, "can I help you with anything?"

She responded, "Oh no, I have a system."

I asked, "What kind of system?"

She said, "Well, first I start with my face and I wash down as far as possible, then I go to my feet and wash up as far as possible. Then last of all, I wash my possible."

this story isn't mine but came from a friend who is also a nurse and probably she got it out af a nurse magazine somewhere but it's is too funny. enjoy!

betsy, a grammar-school teacher from miami, remembers this oscar-worthy birth tableau from one of her students...

i've been teaching now for about fifteen years. i have two kids myself, but the best birth story i know is the one i saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

when i was a kid, i loved show-and-tell. so i always have a few sessions with my students. it helps them get over shyness and experience a little public speaking. and it gives me a break and some guaranteed entertainment.

usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. and i never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. if they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

well, one day this little girl, erica, a very bright, very out-going kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. she holds up a snapshot of an infant. "this is luke, my baby brother, and i'm going to tell you about his birthday. first, mommy and daddy made him as a symbol of their love, and then daddy put a seed in my mother's stomach, and luke grew in there. he ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

she's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and i'm trying not to laugh and wishing i had a video camera rolling. the kids are watching her in amazement.

"then, about two saturdays ago, my mother starts going, 'oh, oh, oh! '"erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "she walked around the house for, like an hour, "oh, oh, oh!'" now the kids' doing this hysterical duck-walk, holding her back and groaning. "my father called the middle wife. she delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the domino's man. they got my mother to lie down in bed like this." erica lies down with her back against the wall. "and then, pop! my mother had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"

the kid has her legs spread and with her little hands is miming water flowing way. it was too much!

"then the middle wife starts going push, push, and breathe, breathe. they start counting, but they never even got past ten. then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. he was covered in yucky stuff they said was from the play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

then erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. i'm sure i applauded the loudest. ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, i bring my camcorder - just in case another erica comes along.

I was a young, 19-year-old, CMA and was assisting a nursing home resident to the restroom. She was VERY independent and if we weren't careful how we approached her she would get quite snippy about our definition of Assisting. Anyways, one night she hit the infamous call-button and I went to her immediately, as she didn't normally hit that horrid thing. I went in and said, "Yes, Ms. Coonrod. How can I help you?" She replied, "I need help into the restroom I am a bit dizzy." So, I held under her underarm trying to steady her. We made it just inside the door when she stops...turns and looks at me...and then in a very SERIOUS manner "You cannot come in here..this is a one holer."

OMG what do ya say to that? LOL Bless her heart...

Specializes in Med-surg, LTC, learning Psych.

I worked on a Geriatric Psych unit. We had one lady who seemed to be making progress and then all the sudden get worse. One day she came out of her room, went up to the GN I was orienting and said, "Dan, take me to your leader. Take me to your leader." All day. The next day it was "Take me to your phone bank and turn it on."

Then there was the guy I took care of when I first started working as an aide. It was the night shift, I had been an aide for a few weeks, never done the work before. The only thing I knew about this guys besides his age (early 90s) was the he was on a ventimask. I walk into his room, his roommate's sleeping (hearing aides out), so I walk around the curtain and see this little old guy buck naked, urinal spilled in the bed next to him, mask off, masturbating. He grins at me and says, "Dolly, I'll give you $1,000 if you get into bed with me." The only thing I could think of saying was "I think you should put your mask back on." Two years later, as an new LPN, I walked into my new job onto my assigned unit. The same little old guy walks down the hall, looks at me, keeps going, then comes back a few minutes later and says, "Dolly, I'll still give that $1,000."

I have a couple of stories.

I worked as a CNA for six years in a SNF and while I was there we had a married couple. The wife had been admitted first and had Alzheimer's, her husband was admitted later. Well, they were put in the same room per the husband and families request. You're probably wondering what's funny about this but wait, I'm getting to it. :clown:

Well, the husband had hypospadius and needed a foley catheter. He had been in the facility for a few months and in that time his nurse or CNA (not me) would find the foley in his sheets or on the floor with the ballon intact but couldn't figure out how it was getting pulled out as he didn't turn on his own and had limited use of his hands. A few days after the last time the foley had been found out, his CNA entered their room to check on the husband and found the wife in bed with him, on top, jumping up and down with the husband screaming "GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME!".

Knowing this the nurse has a very bad thought and asked the wife, once we got her out of the room, if she had been pulling the catheter out. She said, and I quote, "Well yes honey, it was in my way."

:selfbonk::lol_hitti:no:

We had this little lady who used to have us in stitches almost every day with some of the x-rated things she would say. Here's just a few examples.

One of the nurse's sons came to floor one day to talk to his mother and our little lady was sitting in her w/c quietly until he walked by, at which time she said "hi". He said hi back and she then proceeded to ask him if he has a big d**k. He refuses to this day to come back on that floor.

Another time, our infection control nurse, who is a young, good looking man and thought our little miss potty mouth was the cutest thing and didn't believe she would say some of the things she did even after we warned him, came walking up to the nurses desk. He got what he came for and turned to leave. As he walked by her she said "i love you" to which he replied "i love you too" and kept walking. He hadn't taken more than three steps when she said "then come back her and f**k me". He did a complete 180, slapped his hand over his mouth and turned bright red.

Last but not least. She would be sitting quietly watching the goings on around her and would suddenly say " my name is _________ and my husbands name is _________ and he f***ed me. i liked it so much i married him."

:monkeydance::jester:

Specializes in Med-Surg, diabetes.

In my younger years, I remember a lot of "events" that were definitely not funny at the time, but of course now they are comical. I once was taking care of a bilateral below knee amputee, and got him up in the recliner for supper. I remember going by the room and I didn't see him in the chair, and I thought someone had put him to bed for me. When I thanked my aide for helping me with him, she said "I didn't put him to bed!" Well, needless to say I panicked, and ran back to the room and when I actually got all the way in the room on the other side of the bed, I saw my little man! He had gotten his little stumps caught in the space between the seat and the legrest of the recliner, had fallen forward face down into the footrest, and the recliner had gone into an upright position! He could not get up.......or down.......or anything. I was terrified as we helped him sit back up, but thank God-he was not hurt. I know it's funny now, but...........................:uhoh3:

nratchet said:
We had this little lady who used to have us in stitches almost every day with some of the x-rated things she would say. Here's just a few examples.

One of the nurse's sons came to floor one day to talk to his mother and our little lady was sitting in her w/c quietly until he walked by, at which time she said "hi". He said hi back and she then proceeded to ask him if he has a big d**k. He refuses to this day to come back on that floor.

Another time, our infection control nurse, who is a young, good looking man and thought our little miss potty mouth was the cutest thing and didn't believe she would say some of the things she did even after we warned him, came walking up to the nurses desk. He got what he came for and turned to leave. As he walked by her she said "I love you" to which he replied "I love you too" and kept walking. He hadn't taken more than three steps when she said "then come back her and f**k me". He did a complete 180, slapped his hand over his mouth and turned bright red.

Last but not least. She would be sitting quietly watching the goings on around her and would suddenly say " my name is _________ and my husbands name is _________ and he f***ED me. I liked it so much I married him."

:monkeydance::jester:

That is hilarious!

I can't wait to be a dirty old lady :lol2:

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