Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

bemory · Apr 16, 2006

When I was working in the psych unit for nursing school clinicals, there was an older man who had schizophrenia and believed that he was Jesus. He had a really patient sister that would come to visit him every Thursdays and would sit with him, making herself very quiet and then saying her goodbyes. Well the Thursday before Easter, the sister requested to talk to his physician. Since I was tagging along with the doctor on call, I was able to sit in on the conference. The sister in all her shyness, started getting flustered and said, doctor is there anyway that you can increase my brothers' medication. Easter is coming and I know from prior years he's going to have a hard weekend. The doctor immediately started laughing like crazy. Turns out that the real Jesus comes back on Easter and in prior years this patient hides under his bed for three days until his miraculous appearance on Sunday. Sure enough the next day supposedly, he hid himself behind the medication cart waiting for his resurrection.

lisalau · Apr 28, 2006

It was protocol in our hospital to leave the new parents alone for a while to enjoy their new baby and eachother before the "cleaning up"

Imagine our surprise when less than 20 min after a lady partsl delivery we found the new dad on the table "thanking" his wife for his son.

First reaction was horror and then we decided that he would have to be well endowed to cause any injury...but we were more carefull in the future before walking in after a delivery of that nationality baby.

Keepstanding, ASN, RN · Apr 28, 2006

:uhoh3:

lisalau said:

It was protocol in our hospital to leave the new parents alone for a while to enjoy their new baby and eachother before the "cleaning up"
Imagine our surprise when less than 20 min after a lady partsl delivery we found the new dad on the table "thanking" his wife for his son.

First reaction was horror and then we decided that he would have to be well endowed to cause any injury...but we were more carefull in the future before walking in after a delivery of that nationality baby.

By saying "thanking" her........what exactly do you mean ?

I sure hope you don't mean what I think you mean !

Err, what nationality ??? Hmmmm..........very strange.....ewwwww :barf02:

lisalau · Apr 28, 2006

thats exactly what i meant...he was thanking her physically. I dont remember the culture but it was a shock...never seen this before and never saw it again...perhaps it was a personal rather than a cultural thing. She didnt seem to mind. They seemed very much in love and perhaps it was at her invitation, i dont know.

teamlewis17 · May 2, 2006

years ago as a new grad, i was one of those who was always asking "is there anything i can help you with?" sure enough one of the nurses at the desk charting said, "sure, can you answer the light in 720 for me?"

eagerly i went in only to see a naked old woman with yards of skin hanging down, sitting on a bsc. "oh honey," she said, "can you help me put this thing back in?" "what thing?" i replied. she stood up and turned her backside to me and pointed to "it". "this... i can't get it back in sometimes without help." my gaze followed her knotted up finger to the scarriest looking protrusion i'd ever seen. "uhhh, just a minute.." i said as politely as i could, "i'll be right back."

i rushed out of the room to see three nurses at the nursing station laughing like crazy at me. "she's got a baboon's ass!" i squealed. " what the hell i'm i suppose to do???" "push it back in!" said one of the nurses between snickers. " what?" "i'm not pushing no baboons ass back in!" "you have to" they said. "how do you do it" i asked, almost in tears at the thought of the task before me. "just push it back in."

i took a long deep breath and headed back in the room with a handful of gloves. as i opened the door i saw the poor old woman rubbing her backside up and down on the edge of the bed. " oh, it's okay honey, i got it back in." she said.

i didn't think i'd ever live that day down!

Keepstanding, ASN, RN · May 2, 2006

teamlewis17 said:

years ago as a new grad, I was one of those who was always asking "is there anything I can help you with?" sure enough one of the nurses at the desk charting said, "sure, can you answer the light in 720 for me?"
eagerly I went in only to see a naked old woman with yards of skin hanging down, sitting on a bsc. "oh honey," she said, "can you help me put this thing back in?" "what thing?" I replied. she stood up and turned her backside to me and pointed to "it". "this... I can't get it back in sometimes without help." my gaze followed her knotted up finger to the scarriest looking protrusion I'd ever seen. "uhhh, just a minute.." I said as politely as I could, "I'll be right back."

I rushed out of the room to see three nurses at the nursing station laughing like crazy at me. "she's got a baboon's ***!" I squealed. " what the hell I'm I suppose to do???" "push it back in!" said one of the nurses between snickers. " what?" "I'm not pushing no baboons *** back in!" "you have to" they said. "how do you do it" I asked, almost in tears at the thought of the task before me. "just push it back in."

I took a long deep breath and headed back in the room with a handful of gloves. as I opened the door I saw the poor old woman rubbing her backside up and down on the edge of the bed. " oh, it's okay honey, I got it back in." she said.

I didn't think I'd ever live that day down!

:uhoh3: okay...call me stupid...but what are you talking about ???? are we talking "hemi's" ??? :eek:

nurse100 · May 3, 2006

I was working in LTC, passing medications. We had a patient (I'll call Jane) actively dying who was one of our "spunky" patients. Her daughter was a frequent visitor so we all knew her well. I was outside Jane's room getting her medications ready to give rectally when the CNA came out of the room and told me she thought Jane was dead. I went to the door to find the daughter and son crying and the daughter was saying "Please don't go, please don't go" when she looked up at me and told me her mother would not be needing her medications. I went to the charge nurse and told her Jane had passed. The charge nurse immediately said "I just checked on her". We, with a CMA, went to the Jane's room. Her daughter was still crying and Jane was not breathing. We stood quitely next to the bed when suddenly Jane quickly opened her eyes and turned her head and looked right at us. I heard the CMA catch her breath and rushed her out of the room before she could say anything. I thought we would never stop laughing, and I learned a big lesson about making assumptions! Jane was having apnea! The most funniest thing was that the CNA who reported she had died was not in the room and none of us told her Jane was not dead!!! Imagine her reaction when she returned to work the next day and had Jane on her assignment!

teamlewis17 · May 3, 2006

prolapsed rectum

Saz4370 · May 7, 2006

trvlnRN said:

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other.
I keep remembering to a particular incident a few years back. It wasn't even my patient. I was heading down the hallway on the CCU unit in which I worked. I was minding my own business, heading down the hallway and I just happened to glance into a patient room... I couldn't believe what I saw... An older gentleman, who clearly was having some post-op dementia after open heart surgery.... he was sitting up in the middle of his bed and with knees bent and feet braced at the bedrail for extra support.... With both hands...HE WAS PULLING on all of his CHEST TUBES with ALL OF HIS MIGHT! Needless to say, I sprang into action along with all the surrounding nursing staff. It took security along with all of us to restrain this man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Though it wasn't funny at the time....I can't get this picture out of my mind and find it amusing to remember.

What's your story? :chuckle

Many years ago I was new to nursing and working in a gastro/medical ward. I was assisting an elderly lady to walk to the shower. On arrival to the bathroom, much to our surprise, we encountered a fellow patient. I'll call him Percy. He was a "frequent flier" to our unit.His last admittion to hospital was a result of him being thrown out of his nursing home due to being drunk!

Well, there before our eyes was Percy, one hand on his walking frame, hospital gown gapping to show his "wide load" and the other hand was... well.. masterbating.Full on!!

"Oh my goodness" I stated "You really should close the bathroom door".With this I promptly closed the bathroom door and entered the next bathroom with my laughing side kick, who remarked to me "he certainly is having a good time isn't he?"

Later after assisting my elderly lady to have a long shower, we were just preparing to leave the bathroom, when groans from next door were heard.We could not believe that old Percy was going at it the whole time!!

Talk about monkey business!!:monkeydance:

irishnurse68 · May 8, 2006

that is the funniest thing i have ever heard! now i'm scared to ask anyone if they need any help!!!

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · May 9, 2006

okay...call me stupid...but what are you talking about ???? are we talking "hemi's" ???

[color=#a0522d]her droopy womb had dropped.

:d hain't yuh ever seen one before???? hee hee haw haw thet's a bit funny, 'tis.

newfienurse · May 11, 2006

I was called in one night to dialyze a 96yo man in pulm edema. The nephrologist showed up & asked the gentleman if he stopped breathing & his heart stopped did he want us to take measures to prolong his life. The pt replied no. Once the MD left the room, this little old man looked @ me & said "PROLONG MY LIFE? J*$U$ CH**$T I'M 96 YEARS OLD! IF I FELL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW & NEVER WOKE UP IT WOULD BE FINE WITH ME!!!"