sexual harrassment

[ChristinaV]

Who would you go to?????

We work at a small close knit facility. Our payroll clerk has been employed here for years and has been groping female employees for YEARS. Most of the women push him away and tend to laugh it off in front of him, Im sure out of embarrasment and fear that he will manipulate the paychecks in some way. Some employees have been more vocal towards him and he leaves them alone for a time but usually resorts back to his old behavior. Lately his behavior has become more disgusting as he now reaches between the legs from behind and gropes private parts then laughs about it. He does this to the aides, nurses and housekeepers. Young and old!!! Problem is he is personal friends with our DON so no one has gone to her. Our new ADON is a very timid woman and the owners are absent. This behavior must stop. It isnt funny! I am a new employee who has been "chosen" to bring this problem to someone who will put an end to it. I have no idea who to go to. One of the employees wants to go to the local police but Im not sure if its a police problem. We cant afford to lose our jobs due to the friendship between our DON and this pervert. Any advice??? I have even spoken to this man about the possiblity of losing his job and possibly his home. I asked if it was worth it. He responded by poking at my breast and walking away. Nothing seems to deter his behavior. What would YOU do??????? Thanks.

[clee1]

I have read this thread with growing disgust.

Where has everyone's self-respect and individual responsibility gone? Have we all turned into Caspar Milquetoast? Have we forgotten to advocate for our clients (pts, coworkers, and ourselves)? Just look at this thread: a new nurse falling into a longterm mess, a whole staff afraid to take decisive action, people recommending a lawyer, the EEOC, a gradual escalation up the food chain, etc. etc. etc. Sexual predators, like most bullies, commit their crimes when the potential of personal cost to them is low; likewise, most criminals don't fear the justice system because punishment is neither swift nor sure. You can just bet that this has been going on between the pervert and the residents as well.

The next time this slug, or any other pervert for that matter, puts his hands on you, you beat the crud out of him and call 911 to report an assault. Then, follow through with all the necessary processes, including pressing charges, an EEOC complaint, or lawsuit as warranted. I can gah-rone-tee you that a) this slug will think twice before laying a hand on you again, b) the facility will then be forced to investigate/take action rather than just sweeping it under the rug, c) you and your clients will be safer, and d) If the DON is part of the problem, s/he will be gone soon too.

So the guy tries to press charges against you - so what? You were defending yourself against an immediate assault; not merely the relatively minor harassment. The police probably wouldn't even arrest you and a district attorney probably won't file charges if they did. If the cops did arrest you and the DA did indict you, chances are good that the Judge would throw it out or the jury would fail to convict. Think the facility may fire you? Maybe they will, but do you really want to work at a place that says you MUST submit to an assault? You MUST take care of yourself. Most other people don't see your well-being as their top priority.

Let me tell you a story. Several years ago I was a victim of a road rage incident. Basically another driver got angry at me and blocked me from moving on a road. He came to my vehicle and attempted to pull me out of my car through the open window, ripping my shirt in the process. Thankfully, my .357 stuck two inches up his left nostril convinced him to cease his foolishness. (I would have been badly injured by this much larger fellow). OK, so the guy was spread-eagle on the pavement when the police arrived. He tried to get the cops to arrest me for pulling a gun on him; they just laughed. This man got 1 year in the county jail for assault, as he had done this to someone else once before without repercussion.

It sometimes falls to us individually to protect ourselves and the rest of society. Doing the right thing, despite potential troubles, is a mark of character and should be a point of personal pride.

[jill48, ASN, RN]

I have read this thread with growing disgust.

Where has everyone's self-respect and individual responsibility gone? Have we all turned into Caspar Milquetoast? Have we forgotten to advocate for our clients (pts, coworkers, and ourselves)? Just look at this thread: a new nurse falling into a longterm mess, a whole staff afraid to take decisive action, people recommending a lawyer, the EEOC, a gradual escalation up the food chain, etc. etc. etc. Sexual predators, like most bullies, commit their crimes when the potential of personal cost to them is low; likewise, most criminals don't fear the justice system because punishment is neither swift nor sure. You can just bet that this has been going on between the pervert and the residents as well.

The next time this slug, or any other pervert for that matter, puts his hands on you, you beat the crud out of him and call 911 to report an assault. Then, follow through with all the necessary processes, including pressing charges, an EEOC complaint, or lawsuit as warranted. I can gah-rone-tee you that a) this slug will think twice before laying a hand on you again, b) the facility will then be forced to investigate/take action rather than just sweeping it under the rug, c) you and your clients will be safer, and d) If the DON is part of the problem, s/he will be gone soon too.

So the guy tries to press charges against you - so what? You were defending yourself against an immediate assault; not merely the relatively minor harassment. The police probably wouldn't even arrest you and a district attorney probably won't file charges if they did. If the cops did arrest you and the DA did indict you, chances are good that the Judge would throw it out or the jury would fail to convict. Think the facility may fire you? Maybe they will, but do you really want to work at a place that says you MUST submit to an assault? You MUST take care of yourself. Most other people don't see your well-being as their top priority.

Let me tell you a story. Several years ago I was a victim of a road rage incident. Basically another driver got angry at me and blocked me from moving on a road. He came to my vehicle and attempted to pull me out of my car through the open window, ripping my shirt in the process. Thankfully, my .357 stuck two inches up his left nostril convinced him to cease his foolishness. (I would have been badly injured by this much larger fellow). OK, so the guy was spread-eagle on the pavement when the police arrived. He tried to get the cops to arrest me for pulling a gun on him; they just laughed. This man got 1 year in the county jail for assault, as he had done this to someone else once before without repercussion.

It sometimes falls to us individually to protect ourselves and the rest of society. Doing the right thing, despite potential troubles, is a mark of character and should be a point of personal pride.

Now that's what I'm talking about. You got it girl. There is a difference between being assertive and aggressive. Everyone today is so afraid of what is "politically correct". It's too bad. I wonder how many women wish they did something about this piece of cr## in the original post. Life is too short to let people treat you like that. You can't be afraid to stand up for yourself, or for others for that matter.

[nursemike, ASN, RN]

It's a sometimes unfortunate, but nevertheless unavoidable fact that women are often, indeed usually, no match for most men in physical conflict. Even when approximately matched in size and weight, men are typically more muscular, and on average, we are not matched in size and weight.

I don't mean to suggest that one must submit to assault because one is smaller or less strong than one's assaillant. An ex-girlfriend of mine was once grabbed on a dark street by a man she couldn't see. He attempted a choke hold. She stomped on his instep, hard, and bite his forearm, hard, and was able to escape. And in my own youth, I learned that it isn't necessary to "beat the crap out of" a bully to deter him--you need only inflict more pain than whatever he's doing is worth.

Even so, there's nothing remotely "wimpy" about resolving conflict in an adult, civilized manner. The victims in this scenario may not be able to defend themselves physically, but even if they are, is that truly the best recourse?

I have, on rare occassions, been inappropriately touched by females. On some of those occassions, the touch was unwelcome, on others it wasn't particularly welcome or invited, but I didn't especially object because I knew it was intended playfully. In each of those situations, I didn't feel threatened, since I was substantially bigger and stronger and easily able to protect myself if the situation escalated. Does anyone here think it would be remotely appropriate for me to beat a woman who grabbed my butt?

In my neck of the woods, there are plenty who would say I was justified in resorting to physical violence is a man grabbed my butt, even if he wasn't big enough or strong enough to pose a serious threat. Homophobia aside, I don't see where that would be more justified than beating a woman. But even if the man were big enough and strong enough to pose a threat, the question remains whether he actually intends to pose a threat. What if a man verbally assaults me? Is it reasonable or proportionate to beat him senseless, just because I can? Or, if I can't beat him at fisticuffs, should I get a gun and shoot him?

I have every sympathy for the OP and those who've been subjected to this contemptible behavior. If the OP were my spouse, or sister, or close friend, or even a casual acquaintance, I would probably feel inclined to offer to knock the pervert upside the head a time or two for her. But, in reality, he hasn't raped or murdered anyone, and sitting here at my computer, I don't see that he's done anything he deserves to die for. He does appear to deserve to do some jail time--not life without parole, but enough to teach him a lesson. The DON, if aware of the situation--or even negligently unaware--deserves to suffer some consequences, as well. The law provides for just such consequences, and the OP is entirely justified in pursuing such remedies. But resorting to physical violence without a clear threat of physical harm--even if practical--is unwarranted. Call that politically correct if you like. I call it civilized.

[clee1]

Now that's what I'm talking about. You got it girl.

Sorry..... I'm a guy.

Maybe its easier for us fellows to be assertive, or aggressive, as a situation warrants, but I'll state categorically that NOBODY mistreats me without paying the appropriate price. I'll say it again: Most other people don't see your well-being as their top priority. In the final analysis, you are responsible for your own well-being; doing the right thing is sometimes the hardest possible thing to do.

[chadash]

Yeah, a girl might lose that fight...

I know! form a gang! call yourselves the Jets.....wait, that won't scare anyone, and you'd have to hire a choreographer.....

But I do believe there is safety in numbers. If the women you work with had a united front against these behavoirs, you may find it would make a difference.

[jill48, ASN, RN]

Sorry..... I'm a guy.

Maybe its easier for us fellows to be assertive, or aggressive, as a situation warrants, but I'll state categorically that NOBODY mistreats me without paying the appropriate price. I'll say it again: Most other people don't see your well-being as their top priority. In the final analysis, you are responsible for your own well-being; doing the right thing is sometimes the hardest possible thing to do.

I'm sorry.

[nickola]

I haven't read all the posts, but have you tried reporting it to the EEOC?? They are bulldogs!!

[crissrn27, RN]

hey, what did happen with this?

[HauseMan]

I have read this thread with growing disgust.

Where has everyone's self-respect and individual responsibility gone? Have we all turned into Caspar Milquetoast? Have we forgotten to advocate for our clients (pts, coworkers, and ourselves)? Just look at this thread: a new nurse falling into a longterm mess, a whole staff afraid to take decisive action, people recommending a lawyer, the EEOC, a gradual escalation up the food chain, etc. etc. etc. Sexual predators, like most bullies, commit their crimes when the potential of personal cost to them is low; likewise, most criminals don't fear the justice system because punishment is neither swift nor sure. You can just bet that this has been going on between the pervert and the residents as well.

The next time this slug, or any other pervert for that matter, puts his hands on you, you beat the crud out of him and call 911 to report an assault. Then, follow through with all the necessary processes, including pressing charges, an EEOC complaint, or lawsuit as warranted. I can gah-rone-tee you that a) this slug will think twice before laying a hand on you again, b) the facility will then be forced to investigate/take action rather than just sweeping it under the rug, c) you and your clients will be safer, and d) If the DON is part of the problem, s/he will be gone soon too.

So the guy tries to press charges against you - so what? You were defending yourself against an immediate assault; not merely the relatively minor harassment. The police probably wouldn't even arrest you and a district attorney probably won't file charges if they did. If the cops did arrest you and the DA did indict you, chances are good that the Judge would throw it out or the jury would fail to convict. Think the facility may fire you? Maybe they will, but do you really want to work at a place that says you MUST submit to an assault? You MUST take care of yourself. Most other people don't see your well-being as their top priority.

Let me tell you a story. Several years ago I was a victim of a road rage incident. Basically another driver got angry at me and blocked me from moving on a road. He came to my vehicle and attempted to pull me out of my car through the open window, ripping my shirt in the process. Thankfully, my .357 stuck two inches up his left nostril convinced him to cease his foolishness. (I would have been badly injured by this much larger fellow). OK, so the guy was spread-eagle on the pavement when the police arrived. He tried to get the cops to arrest me for pulling a gun on him; they just laughed. This man got 1 year in the county jail for assault, as he had done this to someone else once before without repercussion.

It sometimes falls to us individually to protect ourselves and the rest of society. Doing the right thing, despite potential troubles, is a mark of character and should be a point of personal pride.

Clee1, do you remember the incident at the hospital in Jasper, the old location (not the new facility on 515, but on 53 in town), when a female nurse had to shoot in order to protect herself from a male assailant, and only missed one shot ? It was my understanding that she had to shoot while running in near darkness, and with the exception of that one miss, still dropped the guy dead. I think that was in the early 90's, but I agree one must protect oneself no matter what.

Sexual harassment, no matter what form it takes, is heinous and should never be taken lightly. Up until recently, I packed a Glock 22C, but never had to carry as a condition of the job, especially in healthcare. Have we become a nation of nothing but hostile workplaces ?

Want gun control ? Use both hands !

Paul

[Praise,RN]

You need to follow your facility policy and procedures in your employee handbook for sexual harrasement. All of the information should be there as to how you handle this situtation.

Good luck.

[Nursebarebari]

I think I'd have to break his nose,..let him explain how/why that happened at work!!!

I would do the same thing before calling the authority on the pervert.

[leslymill]

Does your state have whistle blowing protection? I would have him arrested after documenting all the groping vile behavior. If the company retaliates. Get the news and unions involved...lol

Or you can go to DON and threaten them with alot of bad publicity before you arrest him and see if they can do something about him. Your job sounds miserable because one idiot has been allowed to turn himself into a major idiot.