Saw my first dead body in the hospital

[NurseAndLovinIt]

Yup, was definitely a new experience. I am in my last semester of nursing school and am doing my leadership practicum. The patient who died was not my patient and I did not see him die. I saw the body during the first two hours post mortem and all the changes that go with it. The experience was surreal. I was numb and really did not know what to think or feel. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I think I will be more emotional when I experience the death of a patient I am actually caring for.

I know death is definitely a part of nursing and it will cross our paths often (but hopefully not) during our careers. Part of me feels proud of how I handled it: I felt clinically and scientifically neutral, I recognized it as a learning experience. However, another part wonders if it was normal for me to feel virtually nothing. Am I in shock, professionally mature, or just plain cold? I should mention that my behavior with new experiences has been very strong and I am always surprising my self. In nursing school I have seen, smelled and done some very nasty and gruesome things. Most of the time I was aware of what I was about to do or witness. I would panic at first and then tell myself its part of the job, just do it. When it came down to it, I have always done the difficult job as if on autopilot. When I was done, I would be surprised that I was not crying, vomiting, fainting, scrubbing my eyeballs etc. Maybe that strength is included in seeing the dead body? I am just confused about my experience. Any thoughts, comments, similar experiences appreciated.

[LauriemRN]

I saw my first person dying and then dead when i was 18, just starting nursing school and working as an aide. When the woman died i freaked out, ran out of the room and locked myself in the bathroom. I felt like i was going to vomit and was shaking like a leaf. It took the head nurse 30 mins to talk me out of the bathroom. And i still became a nurse in the busiest surgical icu on Long Island

[CaLLaCoDe, BSN, RN]

i've seen hundreds of dead bodies as a cna and nurse. one of the perks, you could say, for being in nursing is to see death as a natural transition. it's really healthy to witness death. most folks in our world rarely see a death. and for them it can be traumatizing, understandably. i think the grimmest task i had to do following a patients death is to have to put the dentures back in the patient's mouth. you see he had been in a state of torment, not getting enough oxygen even from a venti mask, and pulled his upper denture out. i had to stick them back in his mouth before his body went into rigamortis. for the most part, seen one dead body, seen 'em all.

here's another post i made on an older thread regarding the death issue.

i have seen some hideous corpses, not a pretty site! one in particular i remember: a man's face of anguished horror. prior to his death, prior to my even having met him, i had not witnessed the deliberate attempt to save him by the physicians of opening his chest and massaging his heart, only the aftermath, a grizzly site (i'll spare the details, your imagination probably paints a more gruesome portrait!) you see, i was a cna at the time and was there to help another cna prepare the body for a body bag. there is nothing more awful than to see that someone went through trauma prior to death or was greeted at deaths door by demons; just to see this poor creature was frightening!

i remember another instance, another time as a cna, i came into this man's room with his family members at the bedside; the man, looking out of breath and grimacing, i attempted to return the ventimask to his face which he rejected. the family insisted that i not place the mask on his face saying, "he knows what he is doing!" later i came to understand that this man was a physician and understood his prognosis of smoking all of his life. after he passed i once again was called into the room to assist with end of life chores. now, this time was different. i recall his beautifully balanced features and a look of poise (reminded me of a greek statue of someone famous) and my feeling that this is how he wished to present himself to me in the first place, as the great physician, i have a sense that he was...

another time as a cna i was given the task of assigning duties to an rn (i know this sounds freaky, but it actually happened!). i said that i was going to be busy setting up the trapeze in mr so and so's room, would you kindly do the vitals for my eight patients please. she went about the business of taking vitals and when she got to number eight, she noticed that this person was no longer of the living and to make matters more unusual, the person that had passed away was her cousin she had not seen in 20 years. she told me that she was grateful to have seen her cousin again and to visit with her cousin's daughter. amazing huh?

[CaLLaCoDe, BSN, RN]

i watched my first patient pass away during clinical rotation in the icu....we sat and watch as her heart stopped beating and listened to the family cry out emotionally. once the family had said there goodbyes, i went to help with caring for the body...i noticed that the patient had some feces still coming and when i brought up that i wanted to clean her up, all i was told was. don't worry about it, we'll double bag her, and that is how she was sent to the funeral home. i was so disturbed by that, it upset me so much....i never want to get to that point in my career...for me to clean her up was my own way of paying respects and treating her body kindly... if i ever get to that point in my career i will walk and not look back...i love people and i love being a nurse

i'm sorry, but that's just wrong!

[CaLLaCoDe, BSN, RN]

i came home and cried later...not because of my nursing actions, because i knew getting fluids running had already helped the little fella. i cried because i asked my husband, "what kind of monster doesn't hurt inside when doing a procedure on a baby?" and of course, i didn't want the baby to hurt, but i knew that the end (re-hydration) justified the means (an iv start.)

many a time i've had to be strong and unfeeling to do my job and later upon returning home gone into a fetal position in bed and cried myself to sleep. this is more common than you think. i know to be strong is for the benefit of the patient and the family, not to do so would jeopardize my practice.

[No Stars In My Eyes]

Many a time I've had to be strong and unfeeling to do my job and later upon returning home gone into a fetal position in bed and cried myself to sleep. This is more common than you think. I know to be strong is for the benefit of the patient and the family, not to do so would jeopardize my practice.

As a student on peds clinical rotation I had to hold a child still for a lumbar pucture; apparently I did this very well . Over the course of those weeks at this large teaching hospital, that fact was passed amongst the interns and I would receive this message--" Dr, So+So needs to do a lumbar on pt. X, and he said if 'The Crusher" is on duty today, send her to room xxx." I HATED doing this, to hold a screaming, crying kid still for an LP was just the WORST.I always felt so bad for the kid, but I was determined that it not have to be done but one time. Even worse was a nervous doc doing it for the very first time and messing up and having to start all over again. I'd feel like screaming myself! I really had to hit the 'automatic mode' switch in my brain to get through it. Dead bodies were nothing compared to that procedure. I was very glad when peds rotation was over! The dread and gloom I experienced during that time of my training played on my mind alot and was hard to shake. I did a necessary thing well, which was a good thing,,,,,BUT!

[bubblymom373]

Having worked as a CNA and as an RN I have seen many dead bodies during the years. As CalLaCoDE said "Seen one you have seen them all". Working in geriatrics though I always feel a sense of relief for them. They are now free from the sometimes physical wreck their bodies have become.

[KimberlyRN89, BSN, RN]

I too saw my first dead body @ 19, during the clinical component of my CNA class. I wasn't afraid, or "freaked out". The man was in his 90s, and was on hospice. I think I've come to grips with the fact that death is part of life, and made my peace with it.

[Little Miss Coffee]

I actually saw my very first dead body about two weeks ago.

At first I was quite scared - the void created by the lifeless body in the room was palpable. However, that was only caused by me exploring my own mind and feelings. Soon enough I adjusted, and I didn't feel anything extremely strong, either. Keep in mind that this is someone I had never met before when she was alive, so maybe it would be different if it had been a familiar face or someone experiencing a traumatic death (not sure how I would have coped with that heart patient Callacode mentioned!).

My opinion is this:

If you are worried about your "neutral" inner reactions, if you WANT to be a compassionate nurse, if you are bothered by the idea of not caring, then you are not cold. Or a monster. Monsters don't worry about acting compassionate, much less feeling it. So rest assured, you can calmly go about your work - even with the dead - with inner peace. :)

[NurseAndLovinIt, BSN, RN]

Wow thanks for all those views! That makes me understand a lot better. Let me just clarify on "dead body" You all are right. It is not just a dead body, it is the body of a recently deceased person. I guess I thought of it that way, because I came after the fact. It was like seeing a person in the morgue, except different surroundings. When you have no part in the particular patient's care what so ever, it gets different I guess when you see them. Well, I only saw the person's body and I felt it was a different experience than if I had any part in the patient care. So, that's why my thoughts and feelings were jumbled. Everyone's advice helped alot. One person said how they still talk to the person during post mortem care. That reminded me that I was taught in the beginning to still talk to the person while you are doing what ever needs to be done to the body. This also goes for coma and sedated/intubated patients. I remember hearing the CNA who was doing the post mortem care say "Ok Mr. X, I'm going to turn you now".

Well I don't feel like I'm a "cold" person anymore. I constantly amaze myself in all that I am able to do while nursing that I never imagined I would be able to handle. Everyone's advice helps me to feel more confidant in my future abilities. Not many people can do what we do, and I feel that since I am able to do things well so far that I will be able to be a great nurse. Thats all I want to do, is be a great nurse. I'm nervous at times about what lies ahead, but I am eager to see how I handle the upcoming obstacles. So far I am now waiting on how I will handle Vomiting, Massive Burns, and the death of a patient where I have had a major hand in caring for.

One step at a time. Thanks all! :)

[Forever Sunshine, ASN, RN]

I watched my first patient pass away during clinical rotation in the ICU....we sat and watch as her heart stopped beating and listened to the family cry out emotionally. Once the family had said there goodbyes, I went to help with caring for the body...I noticed that the patient had some feces still coming and when I brought up that I wanted to clean her up, all I was told was. Don't worry about it, we'll double bag her, and that is how she was sent to the funeral home. I was so disturbed by that, it upset me so much....I never want to get to that point in my career...For me to clean her up was my own way of paying respects and treating her body kindly... If I ever get to that point in my career I will walk and not look back...I love people and I love being a Nurse

Oh no I wouldn't allow one of my residents to be sent off to the funeral home like that.

[No Stars In My Eyes]

Many a time I've had to be strong and unfeeling to do my job and later upon returning home gone into a fetal position in bed and cried myself to sleep. This is more common than you think. I know to be strong is for the benefit of the patient and the family, not to do so would jeopardize my practice.

I've gone through a lot of things with my professional personae in place. That's not unfeeling. I do great in a code, but after it's over, I shake like a leaf, regardless of the success or lack-thereof. Pretty normal, I'd say.

[Luka91]

Hi, i'm 20 years old male nurse student from Croatia. As i know, there in USA you become nurse at college. Here is different, we have nursing high school too, so i got my nurse diploma at age of 18, so i saw dead bodes before. my first "real" experience with death was at age of 15 during summer nursing practices which we had to do for two weeks after school year's end. So at the age of 15 i found patient dead and together with other nurse i done post mortal care and all that stuff, and just like you, my emotions were separated from me. i didn't feel sad, did't feel wierd, actually i didn't feel anything, especially not like vomiting since i really have stomach for all tat hospital stuff. So i think you really shouldn't "feel" anything, under that i mean that you shouldn't panic or expressing so obvious feeling like crying or going panic and especially not vomiting and such stuff. It's great thing that you didn't go dramatizing because of few reasons:

1.we do emotional sensitive job, but it still requires some professional aproach in all those hard times like death, especially when you see someone young and beautiful dying so early

2.i think it's also mather of respect for those people, because noone really deserved to get drama around their dead body when they die. it's serious job and it requires from you to act in same way and show respect for dead

3.when you see what we live through every day you are aware that there is no so many people who could that job, and you can be sure that you are one of those people who really can do this job. i know lot of people who started and ended nursing school and never worked again after that, because they realised they can't handle with such job

So bravo to you and keep going like that, in my opinion noone really wants nurses with such strong expresing of emotions around. It's nothing strange to act "cold" in such situations, actually i think it's best way to do it.

sorry for my bad english and cheers :)