Rising Above It All.....

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SO....You hear and see all the stories and events that show how "nurses eat their young." In your opinion, what is it that allow some nurses to rise above it all and are not affected by this? You know the the ones...They sail through with dignity and people generally seem to like them (or not) but they they are not attacked, sneered at, etc while some nurses can follow some of the same practices of keeping their mouth shut, working hard, etc but they are still attacked (passively, or aggressively)......

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I think it comes with experience and confidence.

I work with a really well respected nurse who nobody knows not to mess with. She is a very good preceptor, and a very strong nurse. She is also very private, as she will not discuss none of her personal business at work. She also do not "hang out" with anybody she works with outside of work, so she is not in the "clique". She is very professional and I have never once heard her engage in "gossip" sessions.

She is my mentor and I try to model myself after her. From what I can see, nobody messes with her. It was a time we were in the breakroom and someone came to her about their personal issues and she kindly told that person, "I'm not here to discuss your personal life, take that to somebody else who have the time to listen". And she said that to a known bully nurse.

She has told me several times to hang in there, it will get better.

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I agree with afrocentric RN. Don't get involved in the cliques. Go to work and focus on your patients and work. Listen and learn about the different personalities of the nurses and learn who to stay away from (especially the bullies) and don't divulge any information to them. Don't gossip. Just be yourself and don't appologize for it.

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Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.

It's already in your title. Rise above it all by:

Dressing well. Respect the way you look. Don't have chipped nails, if you are female (wear moderate, nice makeup), don't over do with the hoochie mama uniforms. I mean LOOK professional.

Act professionally. Don't allow the assumption of deferment just because that is the norm. I met a new cardiothoracic surgeon the other day and I didn't know him. He looked really upset because I asked said, "I'd like to introduce myself...I am J, RN. Nice to meet you. And you are?.....

To put it mildly, his feathers were ruffled, he certainly looked, "how dare you not know me."

I answered back, "I do not know you because we haven't been properly introduced. You may address me as Mrs. J. Doctor, so and so. Nice to meet you".

Whether or not he answered, was irrelevant to me. He's not important in my life. So I didn't care.

How dare I be assertive. LOVE those moments. Totally discombobulates them.

Act appropriately. Use correct grammar, and don't go around cursing. Leave the crazy jewelry and nose rings at home. Please.

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Look...

#1) Life is short... too short to hate your work.

#2) Some units s*ck because they have snarky, back-biting, catty, clique-y people working there.

#3) I have worked on those types of units, and on great units with fabulous team spirit.

#4) I'm the same person. I didn't make the bad places bad, I can't take credit for making the good ones good.

So...

Set your own standards for how you expect to be treated. If you're being abused some place, leave. (Most good hospitals will keep track of new staff members and when they request a transfer w/in a short period of time, they will do some follow-up. You can't make a bad unit bad by staying there and being a martyr. You might make it better by seeking a better place for yourself.)

And...

The reason there are snarky, back-biting, catty, clique-y places, is because the leadership is poor. Fish rot from the head down.

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I am lucky to have seen this post today. I am a student in my last semester, and I'm completing an extra internship on a unit where I'd love to work- except yesterday I saw a lot of gossipy, depressing, manipulative, political behaviour among quite a few of the nurses. It made me question whether I could survive or be happy on such a unit, because I really don't and never have done that sort of thing. It's why I was a misfit in high school and I guess none of us outgrow who we were back then! I don't care about being in the clique (perhaps that's really the problem in terms of fitting in!); I just want to do my work and be left alone and have enough camaraderie to help each other when we need it. Seems like that's too much to ask from some people.

So thank you, afrocentricRN, for your reply. It will help me get to my internship next week!

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Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.

I agree with these posts, look and act in a professional manner and don't get involved in gossip or in trying to be part of the group. You don't know people yet. Hang back and just stay focused on your orientation and what you need to know to do your job. You will do fine if you follow the above advice.

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Home Health.

First, I should say I spent 8-1/2 years in a toxic workplace. I survived (I had no choice), but I tried very hard not to become like the people I worked with.

I think avoiding gossip completely is a bad idea. At my old job, the grapevine was often the only place to find out things like new hires, payroll issues, or management changes. I missed a major announcements because I was on break, no one came to get me, and no one would update me afterward. Contributing to gossip is a bad idea, but like it or not, you have to keep an ear to the ground and find out the story behind the story.

Not being "part of the group" can backfire, too. Isolation can work against you, and when you're the only one who doesn't know where things are or how things are done, it can be very isolating. Of course, it helps if people will tell you those things.

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Specializes in Neuroscience/Neuro-surgery/Med-Surgical/.
First, I should say I spent 8-1/2 years in a toxic workplace. I survived (I had no choice), but I tried very hard not to become like the people I worked with.

I think avoiding gossip completely is a bad idea. At my old job, the grapevine was often the only place to find out things like new hires, payroll issues, or management changes. I missed a major announcements because I was on break, no one came to get me, and no one would update me afterward. Contributing to gossip is a bad idea, but like it or not, you have to keep an ear to the ground and find out the story behind the story.

Not being "part of the group" can backfire, too. Isolation can work against you, and when you're the only one who doesn't know where things are or how things are done, it can be very isolating. Of course, it helps if people will tell you those things.

I have found the following to be true:

-Listening to gossip=being socially aware

-Contributing to gossip= you earn the title of being untrustworthy and disrespected.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

you show people how you expect to be treated in the way you carry yourself, conduct yourself and in the way you treat others. don't tolerate abusive behavior no matter who it comes from. and don't allow abusive behavior. don't abuse anyone and don't let yourself be abused. if "that mean nurse" is verbally abusing someone else, stand up and say something.

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i think bullies can pick up 'that look'- that if i had my way and could get away with it, i would knock your freaking lights out.

seriously.

leslie:)

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Bullies look for the vulnerable, just like in high school.

Those that rise above it all tend to be older, confident and experienced. It helps to have a strong network of family and friends outside work.

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