Remember the Days Before My Death

goldens, RN

When I approached him by calling his name, he smiled and said "Hi, I am fine. Are you here to play with me?

I smiled back and replied. I was so pleased to see that little wonder until I remembered his diagnosis.

I asked myself, Is this the one who is battling Leukemia?

At the same time, I asked God about the little one's fault to be cursed that way. I got no answer and feel like crying. But soon I maintained my composure and involved in the routine work. Later that night I could not talk to him because he was sound asleep.

In the morning, when I went for the routine assessment he asked me what his vitals are and I told him the findings. I was surprised when a 4-year-old kid behaved that way. I was shocked again when he asked me about his treatment plans and his role.

He also took my breath away when he asked me not to be surprised by his actions because he knows that he has Acute lymphoblastic leukemia (he even know the type) and wants to be involved in the treatment process.

I was completely speechless to see a 4-year-old child speaking like that. After a while, my shift was over and I had to leave. It was also my last night that week so I was kind of excited for the day off.

That day at home I tried to get rest but couldn't. I was thinking about that smart kid and his nice smile. It was not the first time I saw a kid in that situation, but surely it was the very first time I saw a kid acting like an adult.

I tried to distract myself from thinking of him and started to watch a movie. It helped me a lot when my friend asked me to go shopping. We went to a beautiful shopping mall and bought some fancy dresses. The other day passed the same way.

Again, it was time for my day duty. Once I entered the ward, I was looking forward to seeing that wonderful child. After the nursing reporting, I came to know that he is on Induction therapy of treatment. My co-worker also mentioned that he helped to select the vein for IV insertion. I could not be more stunned. Later when I went to see him, he screamed, "Oh you were the night nurse the other day, I recognized you, did you take enough rest?"

My heart melted after hearing that. I knew I was being emotional and weak too. I could not resist and cry in the bathroom. At that day, I got a chance to talk with his parents. I was so cheerless to know that he is their only kid. The father seemed to be brave but the mother could not hold her tears. I actively listened to them, whatever they had to say and also answered some queries they had. They were so proud of him.

Days passed watching his magical ways of handling his problem. Each day with him was a learning day for me. His braveness, courage, hope taught me a lot. After 14 days of hospitalization, he was discharged. He was so happy to go home and had a plan about things he wanted to do. We were also glad to send him home with improved condition. After some time we heard that he is receiving further treatment at a nearby hospital from his home. His father used to call us at times.

After a year and a half, when I was visiting one of my relatives in the same city, I ran into his parents. I saw a newborn baby with them, but I did not see him. I was so terrified so ask about him, but I did.

His father replied, "He is with us".

I was so relieved until I found out the truth. When we further talked, I came to know that he did not survive from the Consolidation therapy. It was so hard for me to hear that during his last moments he asked a promise from his parents that they will have another baby soon.

I still remember when he said this "If I die, you all should remember my days before I die, not the day I die". He was brave, courageous, hopeful, hilarious, funny, amusing, adorable, charming and so on. I could not be more inspired by anybody else.

Remember the Days Before My Death

About goldens, RN

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