OH I LOVE LTC!
One night, there was an eyelash ball of yarn on one couch, one of the ladies wheels herself to it, and starts touching it and then exclaims "my my! This is nice! It feels like a man's ball!!!
And another of our residents, had recently had her leg amputated. She was on her wheel chair, when she decided to stand up. Of course we all turned around and told her to stop when her chair alarm started ringing.. She got upset and asked us why we did not want her to stand up. Someone pointed out that she only had one leg. So she looked down, and then said "Now how in the world did I lose THAT?"
And another lady had thrown up, so I was helping her put a nightgown on, and she said "This is the first cruise in which people tell me what to wear!"
Oh, and one time, it was the birthday of one of the ladies, so her whole family was there, with a bunch of little kids.
When one of the of the other ladies decided to take her clothes off in the middle of the hallway. It scared the heck out of the little kids.
And oh yeah! We used to have a dirty old man. I was helping him get in bed when he said "Nice (almost like fussy)!" I said WHAT??? and he answered "Nice kitty cat"
And another time, I saw one of our other residents coming down the hall. She was tiny and she had this child size wheel chair, which was still too big, and her feet barely touched the ground, so she prefered to grab things and/or people to propel herself. I felt someone touching me, and I thought it was her, using me as a handrail to propel herself, but then I saw that she had already passed me, so I turned around and there was our dirty old man, patting my bottom. I asked him what he was doing and all he had to say was "YOU SURE HAVE A BIG ASS"