Hi, I am an RN who will have 1 year of experience come August in the ICU. I was an LPN for 3 years before working as an RN. I did my clinicals in ICU and thought it was going to be the place for me. My clinicals and practicum were in a smaller medical ICU, which now looking back is much different than where I work now. I work in a mixed Trauma, medical/surgical, and Neuro ICU with 40 beds. We also had a COVID ICU which I worked as well.
I don’t hate the ICU, I love the learning and providing care to the ICU patient. I hate the stress, the anxiety, and the drama. My stress and anxiety is getting to the point where I dread going to work. I am constantly second guessing myself and my judgement. I hate when a patient has poor outcomes after my three days and constantly wondering if it’s something I did or didn’t do.
My prior experience was working in a rehab for a year and a half and home health for a year and a half as an LPN. I really didn’t enjoy rehab, I didn’t mind home health and now looking back - I miss it. I miss being able to educate patients who were responsive and relationships I had with patients and families.
I’ve been looking at other positions now that I’m coming to my 1 year mark- such as utilization review, case management for home health/hospice.
I’m scared to quit and move on. ICU was my dream and I thought it was going to be my dream job. There are still parts of it that I really love and I feel like I am going to throw the opportunity away. Everyone says 1 year - it will be easier. But here I am at 1 year and I feel dumber than ever. it’s like the more I work and the more I learn the more I realize what I don’t know and it terrifies me. It stresses me out and makes my anxiety worse. I am in a two year new grad contract as well, so I will be breaking my contract and not sure if this hospital system would ever hire me back. I talked to my managers about going PRN and they said absolutely not, said I need to work on my mental health. I also worry that they wouldn’t give me a good reference either if I quit. We are always so short staffed and people are constantly coming and going on the unit.
I also feel like I’ve jumped around a lot since becoming a nurse and I don’t want to look like a job hopper. Sometimes I wonder if nursing is even for me and I should do something else.
The anxiety is driving me through the roof. I don’t know whether to stick it out longer or to jump ship. I just hope whatever I do, I really love and can stay for years.
Specializes in Ambulatory Care, Community Health, HIV.
On 7/19/2021 at 9:15 PM, JKL33 said:
Don't compare yourself to how your peers seem to be doing. There are a lot of confident people out there who wouldn't be so confident if they had half a clue about what they don't know.
I second this! The fact that you are feeling the steep learning curve means you are doing it correctly. I have worked with many newer grads who think they know it all and are dangerous in their overestimations. You sound like you are generally doing well and are competent. Being a new nurse is emotionally draining. Focus on your self-care, getting sleep, and mindfulness if possible. Even if you end up switching units. Good luck to you!
I feel your pain. Nursing is a second career for me. My first RN job was at a large hospital in a med/surg neuro unit. I was nervous however, I was also being bullied which caused extreme anxiety and when I expressed concerns, they projected all issues back to me. I subsequently 'failed' orientation and thought of quitting nursing. But I didn't. I got a job in Psych nursing and LOVED it. Then I went to med/surg and hated it but stayed a year for the experience. I NEVER failed at a nursing job again. Beware of bullies, unsupportive management, toxic coworkers. I don't stay at any job that I'm not happy with. We have too many options as nurses. But that choice is yours. I now work in corrections and psych and love it but it took me 10 years to find my niche. Now I'm working on my Masters. don't worry about job hopping. I just didn't put a lot of things on my resume.
I was nervous however, I was also being bullied which caused extreme anxiety and when I expressed concerns, they projected all issues back to me. I subsequently 'failed' orientation and thought of quitting nursing.
That is why it is important for the OP to think through the questions I posted. If things are unsafe, if someone is being bullied or treated objectively poorly, those are reasons to leave or seriously consider leaving.
But if these are not the case then the balance is tipped as far as the downsides of leaving becoming relatively more significant.
The OP (in a nutshell) posted about not feeling that the job is significantly easier even after having reached that 1-year mark and feels somewhat unsure of his/her own progress. That is not a reason to leave this kind of job. It is hard to learn and consolidate all there is to learn. There is nothing magical about the 1-year mark. It's all a progression over time.
It's important to distinguish our own feelings from a more objective view. We have to take care in how we advise people because if they're feeling something and we say "oh yes, you should quit, then" - there's a decent chance they won't feel great at the next job or the next. Sometimes people just need reassurance or a little more time to put things into perspective.
Honestly, sometimes I think you need to just call it. Life is short. Nurses are in short supply; you can get a different job. Sometimes when we are in a situation, we get such tunnel vision that we can’t see the broader reality. I feel like you’ve given it a good shot and it isn’t for you. So move on! People bounce from the hospital to my outpatient clinic (and back again) with regularity and I’ve come to realize that, short of diverting meds, there isn’t much that will really sink your career in an irredeemable way. So don’t get too obsessed with reaching some imaginary finish-line.
Just want to add you’re not alone for sure. I’ve been a nurse for 4 years, though not in ICU, and bedside is just burning me out. I feel like it’s worse now than earlier but maybe COVID is part of that. In self assessment tools I’m scoring high on anxiety and depression. I’ve been using my hospitals EAP though and my therapist there is helpful.
Definitely been looking for work but I really just want to turn in my 2 week notice and peace out. Just worried about the gaps in employment or job hopping like you OP.
Squidpdx, CNA, LPN
74 Posts
I second this! The fact that you are feeling the steep learning curve means you are doing it correctly. I have worked with many newer grads who think they know it all and are dangerous in their overestimations. You sound like you are generally doing well and are competent. Being a new nurse is emotionally draining. Focus on your self-care, getting sleep, and mindfulness if possible. Even if you end up switching units. Good luck to you!