Quick to pass judgement??

[racing-mom4]

I had a patient die the other night. Sad as always. She had a room full of siblings, her parents and her kids. Hearing a mother and a daughter wail and cry over the body of a loved one is something I will never get used too.

This patient had a long death, intubated, lots of drips and we were doing everything we could to keep her alive at the families insistence. Finally the decision was made to make her a no code.

If I heard it once, I heard it 10x from various staff "well she made bad choices" as if she planned this, as if this patient wanted to watch her family suffer. I heard even from my own dear best friend and fellow nurse "it is not like she had cancer or something, she made her choices"

I simply responded with "ya well I have made bad choices too"

The patient was HIV+

We dont know how this woman(sister-daughter-mother-friend) acquired AIDS, i just assumed drugs, but I dont know. Regardless it really does not matter.

Now I have been known to gripe about the obese pts that cant wipe themselves and I have made comments to fellow nurses like "I didnt make them eat the entire cheesecake" and that is snide and snippy of me I know. So I too am quick to judge. What is it with nurses that do this? Is it some sort of coping mechanism they use to deal with the sadness or frustration in our job ? As it is much easier to say "well she made bad choices" then to put your self in that situation.

I am sure we are all guilty of passing judgment---but as nurses should we be? We see the best and the worst of people--we more than any profession know how short life is and at times how unfair life is.

[bigjim]

12345

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

I think we say these things as a coping mechanism to somehow make things make sense. Doesn't make it right though and doesn't mean I haven't done the same thing either.

[Pediatric4077]

I think most of us as nurses are guilty of this. I know I am. I think you are right about it being a coping mechanism, we want to place blame somewhere when something horrible happens.

I'm in peds and sometimes I do have someone to directly blame (abuse situations, which I see WAAAY too much of) and gun violence.

As nurses we do need to be aware of how our judgments affect our attitudes and our care. Not easy.. but nor is nursing! Right?!

[Pediatric4077]

RN1989 is right about the humor..

We use that a lot with our really bad cases.. we say some crazy stuff that I know would sound so insensitive and uncaring to regular people.. when we get a new tech or new nurse their jaws drop sometimes.. I try to remember to tell them to handle everything we have to have a sense of humor about things that aren't actually funny.

[aeauooo]

As nurses we do need to be aware of how our judgments affect our attitudes and our care. Not easy.. but nor is nursing! Right?!

Absolutely. I know that I have a hard time not cursing my obese patients when I go home with a serious backache from moving them around for 12 hours.

It's very tough not to judge those who have 'done this to themselves.'

As a recovering alcoholic, it burns to hear my colleagues make judgmental comments about people with substance abuse problems.

Every patient with an addiction is a potential recovering addict - what are you going to do to help her/him get there?

[leslie :-D]

Absolutely. I know that I have a hard time not cursing my obese patients when I go home with a serious backache from moving them around for 12 hours.

It's very tough not to judge those who have 'done this to themselves.'

As a recovering alcoholic, it burns to hear my colleagues make judgmental comments about people with substance abuse problems.

Every patient with an addiction is a potential recovering addict - what are you going to do to help her/him get there?

i find it interesting that you struggle w/the obese population, but it bothers you to hear about those who struggle w/drug abusers.

i know ea of us has our own demons, but i was surprised to read such contradictive statements.

to some, what the obese pt does to your back is equivalent to what the drug abuser does to your mind.

both wreak havoc.

leslie

[aeauooo]

i find it interesting that you struggle w/the obese population, but it bothers you to hear about those who struggle w/drug abusers.

i know ea of us has our own demons, but i was surprised to read such contradictive statements.

to some, what the obese pt does to your back is equivalent to what the drug abuser does to your mind.

both wreak havoc.

leslie

Re-read what I wrote, there is no contradiction, especially taken in context of the post to which I replied.

"I know that I have a hard time..." I know that I have negative feelings about obese patients, but I make a conscious effort NOT to judge them.

My colleagues who say negative things about patients with substance abuse problems are clearly not trying to temper their feelings about them.

[GadgetRN71, ASN, RN]

I'm of the belief that we're all human and we all make snap judgements. But, I also firmly believe that none of us are perfect and if it were us in that bed, I'm sure someone could find us at fault for something.

I allow myself to make all the snap judgements I want in my head, but I try to make myself stop and think before I open my mouth.

[leslie :-D]

I allow myself to make all the snap judgements I want in my head, but I try to make myself stop and think before I open my mouth.

my point exactly.

whether we verbalize our feelings or not, it still doesn't make us any less judgmental.

it benefits everyone however, if we recognize this in ourselves and work on improving

these flaws.

leslie

[abbaking]

I think that people pass judgement as a way to distance themselves from the reality if the situation. For example, My grandmother (who has passed on to a higher existance) was so narrow-minded in her thinking that she thought that black people only existed in "the ghetto" and that AIDS was the "Gay Cancer -and God's Punishment". The fact of me having black friends or gay and lesbian friends terrified her and so she made judgemental comments in order to minimize her realization of the situation - a sort of twisted defense mechanism.

I, myself have experienced similar judgemental attitudes in healthcare both as a professional and as a patient myself. I have seen some fellow co-workers make inappropriate jokes about a patients sexual orientation. I have seen some co-workers use the Almighty I-Am-A-Christian-Trying-To-Save-Your-Soul-Evangelism so to "CURE" a patients lifestyle choices. I have heard a CNA use the "N" word on more than one occasion.

Me, as a patient, I am not exactly fit (who cares I dont know anyone on here, I am kinda fat) and I too feel like branded cattle at the doctors office. The message is always the same "well, you are overweight and you are suffering from a lack of will power" or "you need to focus on your body and not your back pain". What if I am happy the way I am? I am not perfect ---But I dont want to be in the "perfect" catagory.