This is my first post on ALLnurses, it's half venting and half desperately looking for some inspiration, maybe words of advice. I'm mid 40's, I graduated 2 years ago with ADN (I know, I know, BSN in the works) did a few months in horrid LTC facility. Was then hired as detox nurse PRN, wasn't thrilled but with no other offers and bills piling up, had to take it. So its a year and half later, I also started subbing in school for some extra $. I kid you not when I say I spend every extra minute I have searching and applying for jobs, it's on the verge of taking over my life. With nothing! I feel like I'm stuck in addictions now.. where I don't want to stay.
Mean while, people I have graduated with are in the OR, on Oncology floors, ICU on Med/surg floors, really? this has me so depressed. I work so hard, I'm the first to come in early and last to leave, always picking up extra shifts ect. I have worked as much as 23 days in a row, I thought "hard work will pay off"...I'm not seeing it. Nursing is in my soul, its who I was meant to be and what I was meant to do. It brings me to tears some days when I think, possibly....this is as good as it gets for me. I went back to school later in life to pursue dreams, goals, be financially stable, and I feel all those dreams slowly drifting away from me. I'm going back for BSN I know that's an issue, trying to get some certs to hopefully help get recognized, polished my resume many times. Feeling hopeless and helpless. I try and stay positive, reading positive affirmations, church.. ect ect, feeling bitter most days. So Sorry, didn't mean this to be so long and drawn out.