I know that this thread is all over the place, but there are none that have anything from this year, and since I had possibly my best & worst attempt today (yes, all in one day!) I thought I would start a new one.
Best: Lady comes in and says that she had her gall bladder removed 2 weeks ago and was still having a lot of abdominal pain. So we examine her and see pink scratches that really just looked like she scratched herself and then put neosporin or something to make it shiny. But, I decide to give her the benefit of the doubt & not completely write her off yet. Dr comes in, examines her & says that he wants to do an U/S to "make sure that there is nothing major going on" and of course she asks for pain meds & so him feeling generous I suppose (or maybe trying to give her the benefit of the doubt still too) agreed to give her something before U/S. He comes to me & says "I don't think she just had her gallbladder removed, in fact I kinda still think it's there, but you can give her 1/2mg morphine for pain before she goes to U/S." I go to give her the medicine & say the doctor has ordered morphine for you, have it ready, diluted and all (not that 1/2mg will do much anyways) And of course she says "That won't do anything for my pain, It has to be 4mg dila-something. I forget the full name. You know. Dulidad, dilantis, Dilantin...something like that, and if it doesn't help my pain I go into anabalactic (her word!) shock." Somehow I was able to not laugh in her face at that and explained that if she didn't one that I could just discard it and see if the doctor would give anything else but it was unlikely. She got all snooty and started complaining and I said I would tell the doc, and hold the morphine. But of course she quickly said "I'll try that in the meantime. I'll make myself stay out of anabaltic shock." (Again, her word for anaphylxis) So she went for U/S and the tech called us to ask what we were looking for because her gallbladder was still there! So once she came back the doctor went in and said "ma'am, it looks like they never did the surgery. Your gall bladder is still there, and there are no stones, so we don't see anything." She goes "they only removed one of my gallbladder a, not both. You don't know what you're doing. I just had surgery and I'm in pain, whether you are stupid or not you have to fix my pain." He explained that her scars were not at all surgery scars and more like scratches, and not consistent with the location of gallbladder surgery. She continued with "that's because I told the hospital I'd open myself up to save money since I have no insurance and they agreed to." The doctor walked out because he couldn't control himself & left me to do the discharge instructions with a straight face. She signed her papers and asked "where's my prescription for the morphine?" "Ma'am that was given to you IV, you are not being given any more to take home." "You have to! It's law that if I'm in pain and you give me IV meds you have to give me something equal or better to take at home." "Sorry, no it's not. Have a fantastic day."
And the worst try? A frequent flyer who was at another ER yesterday as she states, and they "forgot" to write her a prescription for fentanyl patches for her back pain, and they told her that if she came to us that we would take care of it, no questions asked. So we asked the doctors name, couldn't remember but of course she knew that he "wasn't working that day" and that's why they sent her to us. So I ask the hospitals name and she "couldn't remember" but it was one if the ones in San Francisco. Of course! There's like 8 different hospitals in San Francisco. I explained that if she wanted to see the doctor she could, but that we could not just write her prescription "no questions asked." She checked in, took history and of course she's trying to make tears form and pain us 15/10. Take her back to the room and say the doctor will be in soon. As the doctor goes to knock he hears her on the phone so decides to listen before preceding and she says "I don't think I'll get the fentanyl like you wanted, but I'm sure I'll score some vicodins or something. And I'll sell you those at a cheaper price." The doctor did not go in, the only folks that went in were the cops.
Sonetimes these folks are so ridiculous you couldn't make up these stories if you tried. Hahaha.
What are your best stories?
Forgive my spelling errors I'm on my phone!