All good advice, except we as Christians don't believe in "forgiving ourselves", we know God sees and knows everything and we seek to always please him with how we live our lives according to his Word=The Holy Bible, so we seek God's forgiveness.
This is the main difference between Christians and those without a god: they believe they are their own god and so they seek to "love themselves", "forgive themselves", and please themselves with the way they live their lives.
We Christians live our entire lives for Jesus Christ and our Father God.
To the original poster:
I myself have yet become a Nurse yet, sister or brother (whichever you are), but I have worked as a Home Health Aide before taking care of patients in their Homes.
Every situation is different, my 1st patient died, a good friend of mine he was, it was my first time seeing a dead body (I was the one that found him and called the ambulance), he had me fix him a drink of alcohol mixed with coke in a glass kept in freezer every time I came to see him (probably drank when I wasn't there to).
He was a smart man, old, alone, with friends who lived nearby in the old community apartments, he was involved with running prisons and then later Law work, he was even working on a Lawsuit or something with a friend of his before he died.
He died as far I know: an Agnostic (believe in "something" just nothing specific), even though we had many good talks about Jesus and even offered me a book written by an "ex-Christian" (no such thing, these people were never born again to begin with, they just stick with us for awhile, but they never truly believed otherwise they'd still be with us). I of course rejected it.
It was hard on me, I couldn't stop thinking about it: the pain I felt knowing he'd burn forever in The Lake of Fire.
I had no peace, until God spoke to me and said, "He made his choice." and God gave me his peace.
I later had a patient who is Catholic (who does believe in Jesus), we became good friends, and even made progress in getting him better physically, but it got to the point where he to live in The Hospital and has recently declined mentally. This has saddened me since when I called to talk to him last time, he didn't remember who I was, but I am not very sad as I know I will see him again in The Ressurection.
He had neglected his health for a long time, he smoked for over 20 years and even though his Doctors kept telling him to do certain things he wasn't doing them.
I had 1 other patient who was really disrepectful to God and The Holy Bible and when I told him I didn't want to hear that, he ended our relationship and tried to tell my company I called him names when I didn't. I explained it to them and told them to think about my record with them and to believe me. They did.
The last patient I will mention was an old foul-mouthed Davey-Crockett kind of guy who got stuck in the house on the couch watching tv "rotting" he called it, because of his stroke that messed up half his body: 1 leg he limped on and 1 one arm was mostly useless. He had little patience for people, he wanted things done a certain way, short, simple, to the point, and manners or politeness didn't exist with him.
I was told by a few people he was a difficult person and the neighbors heard him scream at the people who came before me (mostly women). Ironically, his favorite was a woman who used to work for him but moved away. "She was tough" he said. I got along great with him, it was like God gave me the ability to understand him without even knowing it. It was like people weren't able or didn't want to look past the cussing and gruff-blunt manner talked and actually listen to what he has to say.
I could understand his anger: he had a scooter that just sat there in the middle of the living room, because no one before me had ever listened to him to help him to get it running so he could go outside instead of rotting on the couch in front of the TV. For 3 YEARS! That sounded ridiculous to me. I would have kicked those women out to! As a Home Health Aide, it is our duty to do whatever helps the patient's health improve according to whatever the PATIENT wants, they are in charge, no one else.
So I helped him with that, he ended up crashing it on the road and ended up in The Hospital, but he didn't die and it was worth it for him so I didn't regret a single thing. He recovered and got sent back home. I don't think he believed in God or Jesus, but I was always open about my faith.
I tell you what though, it wasn't always easy though for me. Sometimes things in my life were bothering me and I was being too sensitive and he was being extra a-hole to me. I picked up on that immediately and called him out on that and he explained what I did to make him mad, we delt with it and moved on.
Eventually though, he got tired of me and told me not to come back, but I think in his own old-man Davey Crockett Man-way he wanted me to move on and up with my life, you know "free" me and encourage me, but he would never say it outloud because that wouldn't be very manly to be that "sensitive".
Without God, I could never do this job and would have walked away from and other jobs to (my Dishwashing job was another difficult one with people, I worked there over 1 year).
I tell people online: "We eventually run out of everything: love, patience, strength, power, etc. everything. I can't give what I don't have. So I need God to fill me up every day, because this job takes from you. You give, you're a "Caregiver" it's in the name. You give love. You can't give love when you run out of it, and you will eventually."
Sister or brother in Christ, God has already forgiven you for all of your sins because you believed in Jesus and accepted his sacrifice on your behalf for those sins permanently, the moment you did that you were Baptized in God's Holy Spirit and were reborn as his son or daughter forever and he will never abandon you or forsake you and nothing can separate you from his love.
Though we are told not sin sometimes it is too hard for us and we choose to sin, our relationship with God as our Father has been set forever and he may discipline us as any good Father should, but he always forgive us if we come to him and ask for it and having experienced Humanity through his son Jesus Christ he understands our temptations and has compassion on us, understanding, and mercy.
Believe me, I understand anger and not being able to control it: it was for this reason I had the words "Love" and "Faith" CARVED into my hands with INK (left and right) so that I would always remember what I am supposed to do with these hands and that my hands were designed to HEAL not to Harm. Because I never wanted to lay my hands on my future wife and children in anger and hurt them.
I ended up not being able to control my anger and was physically hurting 2 little dogs I was supposed to be looking after, over and over again, no matter what I did: prayer, talking to other people confessing it, seeking group prayer, etc. my Landlandy was probably going to throw me out if I kept doing since they were her dogs and I told her I was doing it.
Until I found some keychains that said "Love" and "Faith" and I put them on the dogs and started calling them by those nicknames and I started hurting them less often.
Then in the shower I remembered not too long before that I had thought to myself "I would be willing to have these words carved into my hands so I will never forget it." and a song came into my head "Lead Me by Sanctus Real and thought "What if I ever hurt my future wife and kids? I don't ever want to lay my hands on my future wife and kids. Did I mean that about carving the words into my hands or is this a half-*** faith I have?"
So I decided to get them tattooed into my hands, cost me $100 for both hands on the fingers, just below the place where you put the wedding ring and the engagement ring facing me in small black letters right-side up so I could read them and remember and never forget, most people don't notice them at all.
And you know what? I FELT EVERY S I N G L E LETTER. It was like someone grabbed a knife and started carving the words into my hands and I got these "tattoos" as my scars to prove it.
The moment the pain started, I just thought this, "This is for you Jesus." when I thought I was doing it for my future wife and children. I did it for all of them, so I could be a better Son, and Husband and Father.
After that I stopped hurting those dogs completely, eventually.
Jesus desired to do all the thing we have done: sexual immorality, hatred, lying, stealing, etc. because you can't be tempted if you don't have the desire for it, but he chose not to choose those things and now that we have his nature as God's children: so can we and don't forget we have his Holy Spirit living inside of us as our Helper and Comforter.
Seek his comfort and his peace.
There is nothing wrong with also seeking fellowship in a local church where you make life-long friends in the our family of God not just once a week, but actual friends you can call and talk to and lean on.
Maybe even God has called you to become married to another Christian.
I know that when God calls us to something too great for us to do on our own, sometimes it is because he wants to show his power through us that through him we can do it, in addition to this he may be calling us to get married, as his calling is something only 2 can do in marriage. Think of Eve whom God made for Adam, and he called them both to rule over all of the earth and every living thing together.
